General Chat

Drink themselves into a state 'to numb the pain' and then emotionally blackmail their nearest and dearest. Grrrrrr

Totaly agree Wendy, It's an addictive illness which affects all those who live with one

fortunatley for me Bendy... I had the pleasure of knowing an Alchoholic...beautiful woman out of drink..tortured soul in it ... she tried to fight this disease but it beat her and she died a terrible death... I Loved my Mother what ever state i found her.... Sorry to disagree with you..but this is one subject i know quite a lot about .. Anita xx

My Brother in law, a fairly respectable good natured person when sober, broke into his own mothers' house while she was away for the week-end to find cash to fund one of his benders.......he was caught by a neighbour who phoned the police, of course MIL did not press charges, guess what ,he robbed her 6 months later to the tune of £1000.

I agree Neeta. I know too. They are the most sensitive people when sober. And the shame they feel, when they beat the booze? WELL, I could never live with it. The silly things I have done in the past that leave me in shreds worrying myself sick. Thats what they are SICK. It must be very hard living with a practising alcaholic, and yes it destroys whole families! Wendy, are you suffering just now? Deanna

Ive read back..the message i posted and I seem to have shown my feelings for my Mother ...not for an Alcoholic.. I take your point Wendy..and I do agree that the majority who suffer from this ilness make there families suffer.. I appologise if my first thread seamed in anyway harsh..it wasnt meant that way Anitaxx

My brother is alchoholic and has had to have liver transplant when he is drinking he is awful,when he is not and he does try he is a lovely man who would do anything for anybody he needs help it is an illness and I know we despair of them, I do all the time but we have to try to help them all we can! Dave

Hi everyone, I got in contact with my dad when I was 18 after not seeing him for 9 years . My parents split up due to that on his part...He promised me he had stopped, he hadn't he is always in my thoughts I do not know whether he is alive or dead and his oesophagus was rotting last time I seen him in 1998.. He has never met his three beautiful grandaughters as I do not want them to go through the lies and pain that I did as a child...I love my dad dearly but he clearly does not love himself enough to stop drinking the booze!! Maybe it is too late for him I do not know but come the time when Jamie is back from the Falklands I will go to the address I have and see if he is still with the land of the living!! I hope so!!! Susie x

as a member of al-anon , from a previous life - the group that helps family members deal with the situation - the best piece of advice I took from it was to detatch. From the situation , the person, whatever will help YOU. If you cover for them (and we do - well I did) you are actually aiding them. you become a co-dependant on their addiction. I became strong and learnt to detach - but a few years ago I discovered a workmate had a serious drink problem - and it totally devestated me - I wanted to help and did try - but felt myself being drawn into it all - and trying to do too much for them - I had to detach from that situation. ok - so I have rambled a bit. It really upsets me to see people ruining what potential they have in life - its such a waste

anita, your love for your mother shines out,god bless her,she is in peace now. yes,its an illness,but its treatable! but with a lot of alcoholics,they will always seek help 'tomorrow' bryan.

This is a subject i could write a book on, both my parents are alcoholics. The damage it does to the whole family is incalculable, and its something that after 30 odd years i still have trouble dealing with. The only thing that has kept me sane at times is the phrase, 'hate the sin, love the sinner' Yvette

Alchoholism is a drug addiction. Counseling or medical treatment will do nothing to help them. It is the relatives who need support. There is only one way for an alchohlic and that is down. When they hit bottom there is some hope that the realisation of their precarious position may scare them into joining AA and trying to recover. It is self-destructive to support an alchoholic. Len

Yes it is self destrucive to help an alchoholic Len but if you love somebody like your brother in my case you just cant give up on them can you? Dave

Hi Len, I have to disagree. 25 years ago a close family member was addicted to alcohol and lost his home, his job and his family. We did not give up on him because we loved him. This does not mean we condoned his drinking - far from it - but we helped him find somewhere to live and continued to visit him and allow him into our home, as long as he was sober. We supported him in every way we could, apart from giving him money. After many lapses he finally got a grip on his addiction and has been sober for over 20 years. He is reunited with his former wife and has a responsible well paid job. Yvette is so right. We hated the sin but loved the sinner. Gwynne

Well said Gwynne! Dx

I too have had too the unfortunate/fortunate pleasure and pain of loving an alcoholic and now am having the love hate relationship all over again with another( beautiful without drink) close relative unless you are one its an impossible disease to understand but yes I would agree its a selfish disease an insideous one its not called the disease of denial for nothing and one needs a lot of tolerance to cope and and the help of understanding people such as Al-Anon members to be able to live with it, love and best wishes to all who are having a battle with it ,Lara

Like I said earlier my brother is alchoholic,what you have to have in your mind is what they are like when they are sober, my brother is lovely man when sober and I refuse to give up on him because he is ill even if it hurts and frustrates me so much, and he can be so hurtful with his tongue he is not violent but nasty but I know that is not the real him! Dave

When my sister and I were living with mum and her desease, we were sooo ashamed..of her and of our situation...we went through hell..she was mentally abusive, never violent , although i can rember her throwing our Christmas Lunch at us once..LOL ..We can laugh about it now thank God.. We left home and tried every avenue open to us to get her back to normal ....I even, to my shame, blackmailed her with my Son, who was her life...I wouldnt take him to see her unless she was sober.... These unfortunate sufferers will only seek help if they really are ready to face there demons, nothing will stand in the way of their friend and companion 'the Bottle'.. Much Love to you all, who were and are living with this illness... Anitaxxx

Speaking as someone who loved the drinker unconditionally I have to say that you can love too much - and its thrown back in your face. In my case there was physical abuse to contend with as well - I didnt want to give up on him - deep down he was just a lost soul - but he WOULD NOT ACCEPT help. I went through Hell on earth - but he loved drink more than me or his children - I had to get out of that situation - it would literally have killed me. I am no quitter - but there does come a time when you have to take stock of your life and say enough is enough. I bear no malice to the things that happened to me, I have forgiven him - but the emotional scars are there - and they will never go - the physical scars have faded. I have moved on with my life and he with his - I wish him nothing but peace of mind.

very well said Sheila! Davex