General Chat

Any sort of addiction is sad, as it signifies a loss of self-control and a diminution of the human state. There are so many things that are addictive, many of which we often don't class as addictions but can be just as destructive as what we are discussing. Food (obesity and premature death). Work (neglect of family and children growing up with only one parent around). Power (bullying others around you).

Me too, Wendy...... XX BC

I thinking of you Bendy Take care Anitaxx

Here we go again - another cycle starts.

I have not experienced life with an alcoholic to the same extent as most of you but I recognise the pain you have been through and feel so much for all of you. My uncle was an alcoholic. Not even a nice person when sober which was hardly ever. My aunt and cousins lived with verbal and physical abuse for years until the marriage ended when he fell for the woman counselling him. He died some years ago, a recovering alcoholic and after the funeral his eldest son lit a bonfire and beat the flames with the thick, heavy leather belt his father used to beat him with. He then stood there sobbing until the belt had burned. He grieved, not for the man who had died, but for the childhood he had never had. His words not mine. Sue

I am brave enough after reading all your stories to tell you mine and maybe because my story is different you will find it interesting I can understand any one who has been married to an alcoholic leaving them but I didn't I was bashed and kicked and abused but still I stayed I don't know if it was battered woman syndrome or love that made me stay but some one upstairs must have heard my prayers as my husband after havig a bet with my son gave up alcohol 15years ago and hasn't looked back he hasn't slipped and is a beautiful caring person the one I could always see was there he became a wonderful father and a truly great husband who is happy and who doesn't have any traits of an alcoholic left , he is a Veteran of the Vietnam war all of which hasn't helped him at all but we don't blame that entirely for his drinking his mother and his father drank and his mum died after falling over drunk and his father died from diabetes and heart problems caused through it I now have three beautiful children two of them are alcoholics and one is successfully off it at this time and the other is having a dreadful time trying to come to terms with it and realise there is a cure but you need to want to be cured and he has not hit his rock bottom yet but with the love and support we try to give we hope this will happen soon we love him without reserve but hate the disease and the results of it and feel shocking stress every day because of it I try to stay strong and pray for help for him I know you will all say one for him and us and think of us love to all fighting this dreadful disease and its consequences love Lara

Thank you Keri.. and the very same to you and yours. Best Regards Andy

I agree Bryan, its not easy but the more I admit it to others its like re-admitting it to myself, just in case I forget and think i'm cured!! My illness does that sometimes, tells me 1 wouldn't hurt. Sheila, picked up on a few things in previous threads you've posted on, sounds like we were married to the same man!! Mine even beat the c*** out of me on our wedding nite, broken ribs (again), black eyes, etc. took a long time and a lot of courage to finally leave, I'm glad you found happiness too. wend xx

i agree with karen, this has been one of the best threads,that i have seen on the boards...and that is down to all of you! by giving your own stories,you have also helped yourselves...its a form of personal therapy...your stories have been heart breaking,and i wish every one of you,peace and happiness in your future lives. bryan.

Thank You all for sharing your stories!! Alcohlism is sometimes the hidden illness and a lot of us have been touched by the honesty shown on here!! Thank You again! Karen

ANDY, It made my heart weep to read your story,as a grandma who is bringing up her twin grandaughters who are only 3yrs old, I applaud you for still trying to be there for your Dad when he was still alive, my daughter is just 23 yrs old is highly intelligent, beautiful and was (i hope) brought up well, her life is controlled by drugs and drink - neither of which are picky who they feed off.I tried and still do to be there for her which is not always easy, she has attempted to end her life so many times,and self harms regulary.she has had lots of counselling etc (i am a counsellor- which hopefully helps me to see past her problems). I know that I am doing the best I can for her in keeping her girls safe, but I do worry that one day just like you said of your Dad she will regret every drop of drink she had, pray God that she is strong enough to survive that regret. Sending you good and loving wishes Keri

Andy hope that you are not trying to spoil a very good discussion thread with your comments! and why should anybody be interested in your qualifications lol! Dave but did notice you havent got a degree in English but that is your 'Purogative' lol!

Dave.. Reading back on your previous comments does nothing to change the 'facts' in your 2nd to last thread. I repeat my statement you need to rephrase it. But it is your purogative Dave. Funny how you are accused of going off on one when all you are doing is pointing something out to someone. In your university of life, theory should be the same as practice.. but in practice it never is! Regards Andy BSc MEng BSDA

Andy Im not rephrasing anything if you read my earlier comments my brother is alcoholic and I love him to bits before you go off on a tangent read the thread back please.! Dave Bennett University of Life!

Not at all, Dave. I detest seeing people smoking around children. When I see parents smoking in a car with the children in the back I always think of it as a mobile coffin. Drinkers, smokers, dangerous drivers - quite often each group attempts to denigrate the others in an attempt to justify their own selfish behaviour. They ALL harm other people's lives in their own ways.

Dave .. i think you need to re-phrase your statement about smokers not physically abusing people ..!! . .they certainly do... They can be just as nasty and vicious when they are trying to come off the weed as someone who is trying to knock the drink. taking a liberty here as im assuming you meant whilst a drinker would be drunk?? Not all alcoholics are abusive physically. . my father wasn't, It was mental abuse.. which was akin to my ex partner when she tried to stop smoking, talk about nasty!! The rest of your post i agree with. Andy BSc . MEng . BSDA

Yes Andy smoking is just as addictive but smokers dont physically abuse people,I myself have never smoked but my Mum smokes heavily and does not drink and calls people who drink but to me smoking is a dirty disgusting habit, my Mum says it doesnt harm non smokers but she is wrong why have I who have never smoked a cigarette in my life got 'chronic bronchitus' it is not fair, it is by passive smoking probaly I sometimes feel when I visit my Mum for a couple of hours I have smoked about 10 cigarettes. Davex Wendy sorry for digressing from the thread!

My late father was an alcoholic, He died in 03 a lonely and broken man. Yes .. selfish is one word you could use .. but to say they all are of that mind is wrong as most dont know their own mind. You can say the same about smokers, Dangerous drivers.. I have said for many years .. that when i was 15 my father stopped being.... just that, A father to me and my 3 sisters, and a husband to my later mother. Most fight a losing battle as did my father.. he died of throat cancer after years of abuse, He had lost his house, savings, his children and his wife. My sisters unfortunately never spoke to him for 12 years even though they lived in the same town. I tried to help him.. many times, Though once left on his own for more than a day... he would surcumb to the urges and the cravings and the undoubted need for alcohol. It was a relic of his days in the RAF, where he would spend nights in the mess drinking till the early hours with his friends and comrades, It is only now in my generation that we feel and see the harm it did. I am sure..if he is watching, He regrets every single drop that past his lips.. but alas you are here once and only have one chance at doing it right. The liberal drinking laws now coming into effect will ... i fear make matters worse. I hope our childrens children dont feel and see the effects of this in years to come... as some of my generation have. Andy BSc . MEng . BSDA

gerri, that was the point,i was making. when they sober up,and you give them a card from AA,and tell them to phone now! they're reply is usually 'will ring them tomorrow'....but tomorrow never comes. bryan.

Hi, my daughter and her partner both suffer this awful illness, what started off as a harmless drink has cost her everything she held precious and has robbed me of a beautiful child, she is still beautiful to me, but not everyone can see past the illness, I am bringing up my twin g/daughters( had to go to court to get a residence order as g/parents do not have automatic rights to their g/children) it was heartbreaking but worth it in the end. kes