General Chat

The emotional blackmail trump card they play is - I am going to end it all! how many times I heard that - it got to the stage where one of my children said - well since he cant do anything right he wont be able to do that. They werent being nasty - they were just realising that the father they adored and idolised had feet of clay

Hi all, I started this thread out of frustration at my own alcoholic relative. All too often, the real sufferers of alcoholism (those related to the drinker in some way) keep quiet and hide away the truth. Whilst I would never betray my drinker I do need to scream about it every now and then. I love my person but I do get tired of the silent phone calls and the emotional torture and occasional visits from the police (if I don't give in to her demands she phones the police and makes up things to get the coppers on to me to 'punish' me and teach me not to ignore her again) Luckily the police are very aware of what is going on and I have become quite friendly with her local force. I know perfectly well that death is the only thing that will stop my drinker hitting the bottle and I stopped suggesting help a long time ago. Sober - a wonderful person, drunk, the nastiest person going. Oh well - c'est la vie. xx

Wendy - its because they cant control their addiction they try to control others lives. A couple of years ago I had a phone call at work - a relative had been contacted by the lawyer who dealt with my divorce and they had used that married name for me. I contacted the lawyer - dreading that he was going to tell me that my ex was dead - I was so scared that I was going to have to tell my children that their daddy had gone - but thankfully it wasnt that - just that they had got the money he owed me at long last and were sending me a cheque lol

You're right Sheila - they DO try to control the lives of others. Glad you got your money, lol. xx

Me and my family endured 3 weeks sitting by my brothers bed at Manchester Royal Infirmary whilst he fought for his life on a life support machine,course there where times during those 3 weeks when I thought it would be easier all round if his fight was over, and felt so awful that I thought such thoughts,Was I awful? Then I prayed that he would win his fight which he did and I was so glad because he is my baby brother and I want him to stay that because he is 13 years my junior.He is a nice lad under that awful illness,he blackmails us all especially my Mum who is 80 but my Mum says he is my baby I will never give up on him, I understand that because I would never give up on any of my children and will not give up on my brother also even though he hurts and frustrates me so much.! Dave

One thing I have learned - I NEVER touch booze now. I refuse to put anyone else through hell because of alcohol.

just cos my dad was/is an alcoholic - it doesnt stop me enjoying a drink now and again. i just know when ive had enough and i get giggly when i have a drink. never angry

I think I'm probably scared of going too far - adictive personalities seem to run in our lot. I think it's probably healthier your way, Butter Bear.

Wendy, I have also been afraid of booze ... for the same reason as yourself. Now, I only drink when I'm in the house on my own at weekends... if I feel like a Baileys. My son is safely with his Dad and my daughter is out with her friends. I never have more than two glasses .. but thats enough for me ! I'm as giddy as a kite after one glass, but the fear inside me keeps me from going over the top anyway. I'm always being told to 'let yourself go and enjoy the event ...' but something inside me says 'NO'. On the odd occasion that I have gone to a wedding or a birthday party, I've sat and watched everyone else getting 'plastered' ... I've watched the arguments and the fights ... the injuries etc and just thank god that I'm not reliant on Alcohol to have a good time ! I am sober enough to get in my car and leave early, back to the safety of my own house and the peace and quiet and security that it gives me. It doesn't help when you live opposite a pub that has trouble outside every Friday & Saturday night. I cringe when I hear it starting ... and tend to hide myself away until its over. This is the sought of effect its had on me. I understand Wendy, why you don't drink, and can't fault you at all. Dancer x

That is one of the reasons I dont drink at all - I am terrified of when people I know drink to excess - I retreat into myself. My way of dealing with is is maybe the cowards way out - but I try not to put myself in the situation where ther is a lot of booze flowing

I can't bear the smell of it on people. This might sound daft but it makes me really frightened.

Wendy - snap -

Just like to thank you Wendy for posting this thread it has helped people to address all views on this very wide spectrum thank you Wendyx Davex

About 3 months ago, we had a family get together up at my sons Dad's house. Everyone was really enjoying the evening ... until someone let a secret slip to my Dad's son. That was it, all the alcohol he had drank turned into 'fumes' and he was off. I grabbed my son, got in my car and left and came home. The mobile was ringing all the way, but I won't ansa whilst I'm driving anyway, so I ignored it. I walked in the house and the Land line was ringing. I plucked up the courage to answer it. I had loads of abuse thrown at me down the line, why had I taken our son and left ? No matter what I tried to say to him, all I got was, 'I'd never hurt my son ' ... bla bla bla. In the end I put the phone down. The next day I tried to explain again why I had left and taken our son out of the way. He never did understand why I was so frightened for our safety. Dancer x

It's great that we've all been able to share like this and understand what each of us is talking about without the massive guilt trip that can so often come if you try to talk to people about alcoholism. You've all helped me today, thanks.

I totally agree Dave..thank you Wendy.... I too feel the same way about drinking.....it frightens me when people get drunk...i have an automatic switch off point...2 maybe 3 drinks at the most..... Wendy i too hate the smell of drink on people...I can also tell when someone has had a drink even if its only one...its like a sixth sense.....I too cringe when people critise people for being drunk i feel sorry for them and want to help even though i know it wont help. Im really glad everyone has felt they have been able to contribute to his thread..i feel im not alone and that people really understand..this has got tobe one of the best threads i have read and contributed to. I feel i could write a book with the adventures weve had with mum..but then youve all probably done the same things... this has helped better than any Alanon meeting i ever attended.... thank you... Anita xxxx

No, THANK YOU Wendy, for bringing the subject out into the open. It is helping me personally, to talk about this ... I could never go and talk face to face with a stranger who has probably never experienced anything like it. I feel safe cos I think I'm talking to my computer ! If I don't respond, its cos my daughter keeps walking in and out the room and is asking what is keeping me so engrossed ! She has been told a few stories about the woman who gave birth to me ... from other members of my family, but I have never told her anything ... its too painful to explain without the tears. Its often been mentioned that I am an over protective mother to both my kids .... I wonder why ??? Dancer x

I've been watching this thread. It's agony - but great that it was posted in the first place. It was a lovely weekend here, my cousin's been for a couple of days and he has been on his best behaviour. We had a couple of glasses of wine and he of course refused. It must have been doing his head in. But we have an agreement, if he drinks he knows he's not welcome here, sometimes he's gone for weeks and it's heaven. Other times he conveniently forgets and causes mayhem and gets carted off by the boys in blue. Who the hell needs it. I'm not a great drinker anyway, but I have always liked a drink when I feel like it. I will NEVER drink with him, otherwise I'd be condoning what he does and he'd take it as encouragement. He won't stop me and I KNOW I will never be an alcoholic - I'm a fagaholic, Thankfully, it doesn't change my personality but the end result will be the same obviously. I don't know why I posted to this thread because I knew what would happen, everything hateful would come flooding back - and it did. Why I cry I don't know, is it for me, for him, who knows. This reminds me of a song 'Killing me Softly'. Jan :-))

What I said earlier may have sounded a bit uncompromising but don't read into it things that I did not say. My family has been blighted by an alchoholic. Of course one continues to love them and offer help - if it will be of any use. But in order not to self-destruct, one has to maintain a fire wall. len

My dads an alcoholic and in hospital at the moment with kidney and liver problems, his brother died through his pancreas bursting due to booze, and my brother is an alcoholic too. My last drink was 23rd may 1998, almost 7 years, it took 6wks in patiant detox on lockdown, 6 wks out patiant detox and 4 mths rehab but so far I've managed it. I have just started going back to aa, cos been having a rough time since the miscarriage. I was a horrible person drinking, I hope i'm not now. Mum has told me since I stopped that she dreaded the call saying I was dead in the gutter somewhere, I didnt think she cared if i was!! YES we are very selfish, devious, and heartless people, when we have our 'friend' with us, wend xx