General Chat

Hi all still having computer trouble even though we have a brand new one! Had about tenmins on it in last week.
Got daughter here with her lap top so able to let you all know. Haven't time to read up to date. But sending love to you all xx

Hi Whitenancy

I will give you a big((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))

You sound just like me. I have losted friends like you have. But now i say they were not true friend as they would understand. I have found some true friends and i have stand by them when they on a low and they have stand by me. But none of them live near me, I know thats what i need is a true friend who lives near me,

I have made some true friends on here. That have helped me in many ways.
So i hope i can put you to my list.

Thinking of you

thank you treehugger. I decided to write my friend a letter but when i came to i didnt give it her. Have posted it below.

Growing up with what I now realise is a narcissistic mother has had a very profound and lasting impact on me.
I never had the normal unconditional no questions asked love and support that a child normally gets from its parents. It is hard to understand but you feel somehow that you are to blame and it must be your fault and you must be a bad unlovable person especially when you can see your sister getting the love and attention that you never quite seem to get.

All my life I have felt that somehow it must be my fault otherwise how could my mother so obviously love my sister more than she did me.

The years of constant put downs and living in my sisters shadow have taken their toll, but knowing nothing else I just assumed that again it must be me It wasn’t until my sister and I started having serious outside relationships that I realised that my mum’s obvious favouritism wasn’t just a figment of my fevered imagination other people noticed it too even then I still assumed that I was somehow to blame.

It wasn’t until August this year that I had any idea that it might not be fault after all and that it might actual be my mum who had the problem. When my mum had a fall and broke her hip once again I dropped everything and when to help her. I spent money I could ill afford I bought her clothes a wash kit everything she asked for and needed. I rescued her cat took it to the vet and brought it home with me. I made endless phone calls to try to get her and her house sorted out (she was living in squalid conditions) and not once did she say thank you or express her gratitude for all that I had done.

It was only whilst chatting to some online friends that someone posted me a link about Narcissistic mothers when I looked at I could believe what I was reading. At first it was too painful and distressing to read it properly but the bit I read where a revelation. Eventually I read the whole article and other things about Narcissistic personality disorder and realised that my mum fitted the criteria perfectly.

It was a relief to know that it wasn’t me but it was/is hard to know that she will always be like this and will never change.

My relationship with my mum will always be difficult and I know that in her way she dose love me but she will never show it and that fills me with a lot of sadness but I know that I have to find away to deal with it and finally move on.

You have been a good friend to me and I hope that we will remain good friends for along time to come

I think thats a good letter. Hope she under stands now.

I was lucky i had a good mum, it was othr poeple that done the things to me, bullied at school,then when i went to work and then married someone that put me down all the time.

Its taken me many years like yourself to relise it not me its others that we have had to take it from.

Even when i know i have done or said somethink right, still worry about it. when i do things i check with everyone i know will tell me that it is right.

Lets hope that lady is very under standing and see that you are a nice person, and will work with you when you have your bad times.

I like what you called me Treehugger maybe i should change my name to that.

I love giving ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))there i go again.

LOL treehunter. I chicken out and didnt give her the letter tho. but at my hubby's suggestion i have posted it on face book.

Well good luck with it,.

Please let us know how it went.

ClaireJo

I am so sorry to read about the baby. Sorry not to have said before but I have been down in Hampshire for the weekend to our daughter's delivering presents. Be kind to yourself and don't shut it out, take time to grieve properly for the little person you have lost.

((((hugs)))) for you.

Ann
glos

Have not posted for a few days, I have been reading your post.

Carol jo, I do know how you feel, have been in your shoes. It will always be with you, believe me you do learn to adjust. It takes time and the love and support you get from your family is such a blessing.

Whitenancy, your letter expressed so much feeling and so feel for you. Please post it to your friend. You need to mend this bridge with her and she will understand. If she does not then she is not a true friend.

I have been doing some volunteer work for genealogy, inputting data for old UK records. It is so much fun, and keeps my mind off other things.

Brother (the golden child) has been at it again, this time baring me from his Face Book. He was the one to invite me there. I at least got to see new photos of his wife and daughter. He really is a vindictive little s#@%t. He now has not spoken to me for 4 months. His wife is pregnant again and I found out by accident. I was not to be told. SIL is just so lovely and I miss her. Unfortunate that she will not stand up to him. I am in this position because I did stand up to him and it does hurt something fierce. He has now lost control of things and I am being punished. Mum was much better at it than he is, though he is getting much more skilled as time passes. For once in my life, I am not backing down.

Sorry did not mean to offload so much. Narcissists have a way of controlling even when not around.

Love and hugs

Gail

Liz has just sent me a PM, reminding me of the love,friendship and support, we all have on this thread. It has given me the kick start I sadly needed.

The friendship on here is so unconditional as as Liz pointed out heart warming.

You are a great family to have and never, never judge anyone.

love and hugs

Gail

Hi Gail, glad the pm helped.
I got up after o.h. had gone to work, 2pm and was feeling low - so much to do and I shouldn't be on here lol but so what? Will have a mad burst in a bit and get some things out of the way.

I found I had ten pms as well as a couple of emails all responding to pms/emails I sent last night and as Gail said, the comfort and cheer these messages give, just to know you are in touch with someone who understands your feelings and isn't moaning at you or about you lol, is wonderful and cheered me hugely. Then there was a text message on the phone which was indecipherable but when I delved deeper the message was clear and cheered me again. There was also a message on the ansaphone from an old school friend I am in touch with saying she would call later so I have that to look forward to. How lucky I am to have so many caring people in my life - hope I can give back the support and love, it's true that what goes around comes around.
love and hugs to all

Lizxxxx

Liz, you give, therefore you receive. Hope you are now feeling a bit brighter and that you have managed to tackle at least one of your chores.

My OH has entered his second childhood again, even though now we have no young children visiting us. He treated himself to a Christmas train (an oval of rails and some christmas carriages and engine all battery driven) in a garden centre sale and now it is part of our decorations in the centre of our oval dining room table. little boys and their toys.

Gail hope you are feeling more positive, your 'baby' brother really is a pain, what a pit his wife can't stand up to him. Ignore his tantrums and know you are in the right Gail, be strong.

Ann
Glos

hello all, I am completely lost on all pages.
I come on here and do not know where to go from there.
I am having enough troubles without a new format
on here... ;-0)
however, I wanted to wish you all a wonderful Christmas and to say that I am NOT ignoring your emails. I am just not competent enough yet to handle more than 1 or 2 at a time just now.
Don't worry... i will get there is it kills me, but I'm sure it wont. ha ha ha
eat drink and be merry for after Christmas I will be getting back to normal.....well I was never normal but you all know what I mean.
Keep well, and don't forget me just because I am not around as I used to be. ;-0)
lots of love to you all,
Deanna XXXX

Well we got our new computer back again tonight. Hope it will cause us no more trouble. I feel out of touch on here but hope to soon get caught up with you all. It's been wierd not having you all to talk to. Not much gone on my end. I finished work Wednesday until 5th Jan. So will have no upsetting trouble with the loo. I have a bit of a virus ache all over, and feel hot but nothing bad enough to make me feel too poorly. Just darn't visit a dear friend who is very ill with cancer for fear of her catching it. Dad isn't too good. Mum is now finding it is getting hard to look after him so after Xmas not sure what will happen. Mum feels it is an acident waiting to happen. Dad can't make his paralised leg straight. He sleeps all day, as he is in pain and can't sleep at night! His legs are breaking out in alsorts of things. He is 80 at the end of March. Not your regular little old man, he is quite a well built guy. So sad to see him this way. I wish he could just talk. It will never be I know. Breaks my heart..........

Deanna, as if we could forget you. You are always in my thoughts and it is good to see you on here and know that you are improving. I look forward to when you are back on here regularly.

Carol, good to see you back too, hope the computer now keeps going. also hope you get over your virus quickly, ca't have you being poorly at Christmas.

Ann
Glos

Hi Ann nice to be back! Thanks for the card xx

Hi folks,
nice to see you back on here Deanna, and don't worry we will forgive you anything as long as you keep in touch with someone so we know how you are. Don't push yourself too hard, you have already done so well and just treat yourself a bit kindly now and take your time sussing out this silly change in the site.

I just went onto gumtree and they have changed that around, wrote to them and asked why? It was much more user friendly before they rejigged, stupid people, messing with things that need no messing!

Have given up on writing cards, just can't do anymore so if I have missed anyone, my apologies, have put up a thread saying Happy C and that will have to suffice now lol

Take care, must get off and do some pms and emails before I crawl to bed.
love and hugs to all,
Lizxxxx

Just want to add Happy Christmas and a very happy New Year to all who have joined in on this thread, past and present. It's been an up and down year for all of us. The friendship here is amazing. Hope a few of us will get to meet in 2009 xxx

Hi Everyone:o)

Hope you all have a fantastic Christmas and New Year, we all deserve better times to come:o)

Has anyone seen Bernie lately, l have looked on here a few times but not seen her!! Hope you are well Bernie.

Also hope everyone else is well that has been suffering, if you're not well now, positive thinking coming your way to help you feel better:o))

love
jude :o) xx

Happy Christmas Jude, hope you have a nice one and you will keep in contact with us all after the festivities.
I haven't seen Bernie either, hope she is ok, several people not about but I hope it means they are just busy busy.
As I should be so must switch this off,
love to all
Lizxxx

Hello Jude, wondered where you were. I would like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a good 2009. Lets hope we carry on helping each other, and our cyber family sticks together and grows. I for one would have been a lot worse without it, it is indeed my lifeline.

Love and hugs to all

Caz xx