General Chat

Chapter One..... to chapter sixteen

CHAPTER ONE Betty Camberwell, the Pub landlady stopped wiping down the bar and with a flourish, threw the wet jaycloth at Dave B Duckworth, who was propping up the corner of the bar. “Oi missus, what did I do?” shouted Dave indignantly Betty pushed up her nose a little higher “ there is no need for THAT sort of talk in here thankyou very much” Dave mutered into his pint of mild and kept quiet. Ms Camberwell had run the GR Return for a few years now and like to run an orderly establishment. At times though it was extremely difficult, what with youngsters posing as adults, people who came in for just a fight, and strange irish women with flowery names and a terrible singing voice…. Just as Dave was about to speak again the doors to the pub flew open….. “oy’ll have a point of baileys an a poacket of pork scratchings deary” In breezed Driving miss Daisy buttercup, wearing what looked like a Yak blanket and a pair of furry pink mules. She perched on the end of a bar stool and sipped her baileys though a straw. “ Has anyone seen my daughter ?” she inquired to the pub in general. “which one would that be ?” inquired Dave playfully “you have so many children miss Daisy, some you don’t even know about I bet” “tut” replied Miss daisy, “well it WAS the 60’s you know, it was a very hazy time back then” miss daisy momentarily smiled at the thought of kaftans and orange dayglo wallpaper. “ I meant Lemonella nelly, she got in a strop earlier and turned rather citrus in colour….” Ms Camberwells ears pricked up at the word strop and leant in closer to listen…. Miss Daisy carried on “ you see it all started with a haddock and a young lad named Daniel O donell”……. * * *

part two later tonight.....

PMSL.....I shall SUE you Our Em. I have the voice of an angel!!!!!!! lol BC

It wasn't me...........I wasn't there! LOL

Brilliant, Em!!! ROFLMHO I'll be back later to read the rest. Just off now to wring out me wet J-cloth and change the water in me bucket. I hope that young lad I took on as potboy will turn up on time tonight. CB >|<

*contacts men in white coats*

PMSL Em

PMSL Em;; Good work, carn't wait part to;;;; hehe Babs

PMSL.......Lemonella doesn't strop, she flounces gracefully, pouts deliciously and untwists her knickers with a quick wiggle and a :-)

oh what the heck.... CHAPTER TWO Just as Ms daisy was about to tell all she felt a draught behind her (pun intended), the doors opened to find Gwendoline HouseMartin standing in bemusement. Miss daisy pulled her yak closer round her shoulders and stared into her nearly empty bailys. Gwendoline slapped her green sequinned shoulderbag onto the bar and rolled her eyes heavenwards. ' I was supposed to be going to the Tips and Records office but forgot why' She rummaged around her bag and pulled out a Praline flake. ' oh well ' sighed gwendoline ' A latte and a bacon Butty please Betty' Ms Camberwell pursed her lips and straightened her shoulders ( she was quite tall and could be slightly intimidating especially when she used long words) ' now Gwendoline, I have told you before, this is NOT Hazy Harolds all night cafe' (run by Harold hazy) 'oh Damn' muttered gwendoline ' I really must stop faffing about ' she rummaged about in her bag again and plucked out her Chunnell reading specs' It was only then she noticed ms daisy, sucking the life out of the bottom of her glass. ' can i buy you a drink?' offered gwendoline ' oh, by the way, i have just seen your lemonella teetering on the cobbles outside in lemon stilletos and shouting at some poor unfortunate lad' Ms Daisy sat up alarmed... ' ' do you sell floor mops betty' gwendoline smiled innocently... ' oh woe is me wailed Ms Daisy ' what have i done to deserve such wayward children? If its not lemonella wandering about the country looking like a right lemon its our emsie writing libelous stories... and then there is ourJoanie... dont get ne started on her!!' ' another pint of bailys is it Daisy?' offered Betty Camberwell warming up to a good scandel......

Infamy! You are making me out to be a LUSH! lol BC

and me to be a stroppy beater upper of wee boys PMSL

*sourly....and Missy Windolene gets a green sequinned handbag....hmph....

*sees the resemblance PMSL* *runs and hides*

LMAO

loved it!! xx

I object to being called a green-sequinned bag!

CHAPTER 3 Lemonella pulled safetypin the hedgehog off the cobbles and onto the pavement.She had stopped outside Guin De Vere's Fondent Fancies cake shop, 'ooh look Safetypin, i know just the thing to cheer me up, a lovely squishy choccy eclair' lemonella tied the hedgehogs' lead to the drainpipe outside Fondent fancie, and clattered in her stilletos through the shop door. 'morning Guin' lemonella smiled looking eager at all the delightfull cakes. But Guin didnt hear her, she was miles away as she popped a cherry on top of a coconut swirl... 'Its an awfull day' carried on lemonella oblivious to the fact she hadnt got an audience.. ' someone told me last night that that temptress Rebecca melonchest has stolen my Dan O' Donell and run off o Milton Keynes with him to watch the Wurzels in concert' Lemonella heaved a big sigh.. nearly falling off her stilettos, ' i mean, just because she is younger than me, i dont think i look that bad for 63 do i Guin?' 'Guin?' lemonella suddenly realised Guin wasnt listening.... 'something funny about that woman 'thought lemonella' and so did quite a few other people, well except Ms Daisy Buttercup, who spent most of her time in a Baily induced haze, wondering how many children she actually had... but anyway, it was rumoured that Guin de vere had a secret past life.It was strongly rumoured thatshehad been a tiller girl at the Moulin Rouge and was whisked away one day by a Lord snodsbury to Bognor, thinking she was to be married to his Lordship only to find her brought her back to England to perform on Brighton pier as a duoble act with Cedric the comic contortionist. Guin in a broken hearted haze, ran away to catering college where she threw herself into perfecting the fondent fancy... but anyway where was i... oh yes... ' can i have a chocoalte eclair please Guin and a cream slice for safety pin?' Lemonella said loudly, 'oh, sorry deary, didnt see you there' replied Guin, quickly snapping out of her trance.. ' of course you can deary, and hows your love life these days, i heard you had got a young man' lemonella groaned... and started the sorry saga again.....

Em brill only it red sequin handbag more