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tightrope walker.....never one to let his vertigo get in the way of his dreams Allan threw on some sparkly tights and started climbing the ladder.....what could go wrong....

Suddenly, swinging towards him came a vision of loveliness.

Clad in cerise sequined leotard and hanging upside down from a high trapeze came..."Oh no," thought Allan, "Surely that can't be........?"

His OH....he rubbed his eyes...blinked...rubbed again....nope....but hang on it's Theresa May......what.....Allan couldn't for the life of him figure out why Theresa kept coming into his life what was the meaning of all this madness....then it dawned on him...he was in a circus and politics are like the circus....meanwhile Theresa was yelling something at Allan......"Watch out for the...." but she swung back before he could hear the rest.....then it hit him...literally.......

It was another trapeze.
Allan supposed he should have made a grab for it and gone flying through the air to loud gasps and applause, but it caught him off balance and he plunged downwards and landed non too gracefully on the safety net.
He thought he'd laddered his sparkling tights, but they survived and he limped off through the main entrance to see what other delights were on-site.
He'd leave Theresa to perform her high flying act alone.

Allan realised there were fairground amusements there too.
Decisions, decisions. Should he first have a go at the hoopla or climb the helter-skelter?

But hang on what's this he sees.....none other than a beard lady....why does he always seem to have reminders of OH no matter where he looks......nope bypassing that one....okay here's the Helter-skelter.....line up a bit long but there's the young lady with the coconuts wonder if we can share a mat...Allan approached her to inquire when all of a sudden...

a Mexican walking fish ambled along looking as if hadn't a care in the world.

as it would at the circus/funfair.....but it only took Allan attention for a second. He managed to catch the young lady with the coconuts eys....he smiled and waved and she returned the gesture....Allan confidence boosted cleared his throat then heard a voice behind him say.......

"Allan, so good to see you. Why it must be nigh on 20 years since we worked together on that project."
"This must be your wife, who you told me about", said the newcomer, giving coconut girl a charming smile.

"Ah well, " Allan started to explain, but before he could say another word..........

"Twenty years surely Allan isn't old enough to have been working that long" the young lady with the coconuts giggled......just as she did a hand shoved her from the side and she ended up in the candy floss machine. OH put her hand out to greet the stranger "No kind Sir I am Allan wife and you are?".........

"Rick O'Shea," the stranger answered, his eyes gleaming at Allan's OH

"Oh! So nice to meet you, but after what Allan tolled me about you I expected your face to be somewhat more rugged."

Rick gave another beaming smile and said, "But the cell was padded, my dear. Nothing could destroy my marvellous visage unless, of course, it would be another of those radiant smiles of yours which would simply melt the skin off my face."

Allan had, meanwhile, found a bucket which he held up to his mouth and was making vomiting noises ( a sound effect taught to hi by his OH at the original start of this saga)

Unfortunately, as in the famous song, there was a hole in his bucket.....
Allan thought OH would rush to his aid but when he emerged from the bucket he saw her walking away with Rick giggling like a little school girl.
Allan fumed...."not again Rick" he thought "you're not stealing another woman from me"......you'll have to wait for the prequel to find out those details sorry.....
Allan looked around him and saw the flaming dagger throwing man.....in one bound Allan leaped over grabbed a flaming dagger and............

...aimed it in the direction of Rick O'Shea.

At the time, Rick was just showing Allan's O.H how he was ace at aiming and hitting the targets on a coconut shy.
The flaming dagger hurtled towards Rick, hit a coconut, deflected and then changed direction,
Oh no ! It was heading straight for

the big tent....."no wonder he's called Rick O'Shea" thought Allan.....but back to the current dilemma what to do what to do......"I know" said Allan to no one, in particular, all I need is a great big......

barge pole, preferably a ten foot six one as he knew that he'd never touch him with a ten foot one.

Allan knew from experience that a few extra inches could make a big difference.

Unfortunately, being a good distance from any canals, barge poles were few and far between.

Allan would have to improvise

:-D :-D


"Barge pole....barge pole what can I use?"......then suddenly Allan saw it.....for some strange reason the Worlds largest fiddle from Sydney Nova Scotia was here as part of a traveling show....the bow was exactly ten foot six inches....what....stranger things can happen :-) :-)

In one bound Allan grabbed the bow and managed to knock the flaming dagger....which had taken a ridiculous amount of time to fly through the air if I may say....the flaming dagger now dealt with Allan needed to "rescue" his OH from Rick.......

But Allan needn't have worried. Unknown to him although his OH was of eastern European descent, she had been born in Oldham in the wilds of Lancashire and as a young girl had been initiated into the mysterious martial art of 'Ecky Thump, together with the less lethal art of clog fighting.

Indeed, she was a Grand Master (Grand Mistress somehow doesn't sound quite correct) of the martial art and had been awarded the coveted flat cap.

(For those readers who are not aware of, or who may never heard of 'Ecky Thump this article will leave you spellbound, or, if you are a hen possibly egg bound) http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Ecky-Thump

Allan's wife knew about the reputation that Rick had in relation to woman and just as he put his arm around her shoulder she used 'Ecky thump to deadly effect.

Allan only dimly saw the lightning fast movement of her arms and hands, but he did clearly see Rick fall to the ground and assume a foetal position; his hands were nowhere to be seen and he was making a high pitched whinnying sound.

Although Allan didn't particularly like Rick, his own eyes watered in sympathy.

The watery eyes were not only in sympathy but also because Allan knew if he didn't tread carefully she'd manage to get a blow in his direction too.......fast as a speeding turnip Allan used all of his Green pudding skills and managed to safely stand next to OH as if nothing had happened, handily standing on the still prone Rick.

OH had a glint in her eyes still and a travel brochure in her sizable handbag.....the next adventure was about to begin Allan thought and sure enough........

O.H reached into it's voluminous depths and brought out a travel brochure for a coast to coast train journey across Canada.
"I thought we'd try somewhere more leisurely", she declared, "Somewhere where we can just sit back and admire the scenery"

Allan agreed that the scenery was indeed spectacular and as he'd had enough of fighting off erstwhile suitors for a while, he went along with the plan.

Nothing unusual could happen on a train, could it?

If it involves Allan....and our sad imaginations....nooooooooo


What Allan and OH were forgetting was right now Canada is going into Winter.....so rather than looking out a train window and saying "Oh look a tree....and another one...and another what glorious colours"...it was going to be mostly "Oh look snow.....more drifts...blizzards.....tree oh no hang on it's a snow-covered pole....there's the tree sticking out of the snowdrift".....which is why they don't run train trips coast to coast during winter....what to do until April............hmmmm.........

Of course, Allan and his wife had lived in the Southern hemisphere for many years now and snow-covered days.. and months of them.. had slipped his mind when agreeing to OH's plans.
Now he must gently persuade her to change her mind, - something which she was quite capable and often would do herself at the drop of a hat, but it had to be HER idea to want the change.
Sparkly tights would not be suitable for the cold even with his 'Joseph' coat to wrap around him.
"No, nothing for it, but to head south, where we'll be warmer" thought Allan, but wondered on the wisdom of trying to see America in his present attire.

"Then again, we could visit Niagara Falls, while we're 'up North'. That's somewhere I'd really like to visit.............