General Chat

Looking for a Saviour in the shape of the Barmaid from the local hostelry,Big Berthas Sister Fagash Lil who also smokes a pipe whilst

cooking all the roadkill that she feeds to

her many fatherless children - all eighteen of them!!! - he followed the trail of fag smoke and lo and behold there she was - she was pleased and surprised to see him - he usually gave her some of his roadkill, the odd squirrel or hedgehog - time to repay him for his kindness - what ho Eldrick me old son she said - how about

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

I have a look at them there thighs of yours, I'm sure I've got some kind of cream left from when young Albert had nappy rash. She rummaged in her drawers & brought out the the biggest jar of

Vaseline you have ever seen - industrial size - how she managed to fit them in her drawers was something of a miracle - Eldrick presented his chafed thighs and she was quite frankly horrified - they were

the image of young Albert's when he had the nappy rash even the triangular birthmark was in the same place

could it be that Eldrick

was once young Albert that everyone thought 'ad bi 'et by lion?



(the term fatherless children is an oxymoron :-D The fact that the child exists clearly demonstrates that, however conceived,a male must have been involved somewhere in the process :-D :-D)

im wiv the orses ed andle?

The very same. it was a shame that he had to kill Dobbin just to be able to get an 'orse's ed for 'andle, but we digress, which is just what Eldrick did with Fagash Lil.

After his second digression he decided

to ask of the whereabouts of young Albert. Hoping stories of a visit to the zoo were

merely figments of someones fevered imagination, although if they were then the insurance money may have to be paid back, he immediately

started to cross question Fagash Lil and she eventually admitted that

she, Big Bertha and Cynaide Samantha were all members of the Sisterhood of Perpetual Naggers. The main purpose of the Order was to

to cut his losses (which was very painful, but it had to be done) and head for the nearest airport and catch a plane to anywhere to shake off all these irritating plebs who were besieging him. He sallied forth, his raw thighs burning, but carried on regardless, gritting his teeth with pain, and finally arrived at the airport. He spotted a light aircraft on the runway preparing for take-off and started to stagger towards it, wincing in agony all the way. 'Wait, wait, he stuttered, his heart bursting, face purple with effort, and legs starting to buckle beneath him. Wait for me, he gasped again. With minutes to spare, he

was dragged into the plane by a trolley dolly. "Oh, look at your poor thighs let me

get some ice............ which she brought in a bucket and dumped the whole lot on his lap and thighs..............

Shrieking in a very high voice, Eldrick asked "Who are you, why did you do that?"

"I am Morag the Merciless, I am a sister of the PN. The ice was to get you used to the cold. We have decided to send you to the Orkney Islands to have your thighs rubbed with fish oil by ............

Eskimo Nell, now that she has returned from her trip to the Rio Grande where she dealt with two desperadoes who are now wishing that they had never been there at the same time that she was, so be warned

this will not be plesant but it will be effective - he moaned - a long drawn out moan and sank into oblivion as the plane took off for colder climes - he drifted into a dream where