General Chat

Yes, Julia it does make sense to say "something is missing" the only way I can describe it is an incomplete jigsaw, and that is from the birth mums side, so how the adoptee must feel I have no idea!!

It never bothered me being adopted,and I always knew ,I must have been very young when I was told.I only ever remember once a school friend of mine said at the school dinner table that Mum and Dad weren't my real parents.I think just for a short while I was upset ,but by the end of the day I was fine.
It wasn't really until I had my 2 that I started to wonder about where I had come from.When I decided to look I went in with a completely open mind and would not have been upset if things hadn't worked out.
I was just curious rather than having a need to know something.
Helen x

Hi Again

I do not think that that the majority of searches end with discontentment, I have probably been in touch with hundreds of adoptee's over the last few years as well as BM 's and siblings.
As long as you all go into this with your eyes wide open, then you can prepared for what happens.
Many re-united families get on well, but it would be unfair not to also mention that the likes of Norcap also have a sections for rejected adoptee's to help them get counselling, likewise, some birth parents may be rejected, so I would not be biased on the side of the adopted person.
What I would say is even when things do not work out well, most people are glad they took that journey as like you say you cannot rest till you have tried.
What you have to also realize is after the initial euphoria of the search and being re-united, things settle down to normal, a lot of people then feel as if they are being rejected again in a way, it is not that but you have to settle down into a normal relationship.
If you normally do not speak to your sister , brother Mother for a few days at a time, this is how it will be with you re.united family, but as they do not know you , they may think you interest has begun to wain.
It is like a courtship where you getting to know each other, first you spend all the time talking together, then seeing each other, when you settle down you do not need to do that all the time, because you secure in how you feel about each other without having to constantly prove it.

My Sister put it right she said one day, I am looking forward to out first argument, I did not get it a first....... till I realized we could be ourselves with each other , and not worry about walking on egg shells, and saying something to offend each other, we could accept each other then warts and all and still like each other, something that does not always come naturally when you where not raised together :O)

Once more to the surface, if anyone else wants to add, please feel free. Thank you to those who have added so far.

Thank you to the couple of people that replied on here about my half brother.
I haven't been on here for a few days. I have got a fractured finger (squashed in a car door) which makes working on the computer a bit painful!!
I had put it on quite some time ago. I had some help but didn't find out much.
I will try again.
Sue

I found a second cousin on GR who had been adopted, and it was lovely to meet up. She found a new family, I was able to fill her in with details of our Great Grandparents, and other second cousins.

As I dont have many rellies myself, it was good to find another one.

Mo

Hi Susan

Did your half brother stay with his Mother ? where they married or was he adopted ?

My half brother (never met) was born in 1951.
On his birth cert it was from my father and his "wife" with the same surname.
I have looked at my parents divorce papers and find that the divorce was for the following year. I can find no marriage between father and 2nd wife.
How can this be? Was he a bigamist?
My half brother is the one piece of family "jigsaw" missing. I would love to meet him.
Sue

Just bringing this back to the top, any joy in finding your half-brother Susan?

Hi Captain Pugwash.
I haven't found my half-brother yet.
Just a brick wall. I can't find out anything further about him.
His name is
William Paul Griffiths, born April 1951, Paddington Hospital, London.
I can't find out anything about his mother Agnes Pow.
There were Pow family on the 1951 Westminster Roles (on birth cert) but they weren't living there then.
I think that she took him abroad!! and then split from my "father".
In answer to the original posting of yours I found my 4 cousins after 50 years. It was a happy occasion and we are still in contact 5 years later.
Sue

i was born in hemel hempstead in 1969 , i was fostered for about 9 months and then officially adopted from there on. i knew from the age of 7 about my adoption, this was all good right up until i started my own family . i began to think more about tracing my birth parents from then on . i have spent about 10 years or more trying to locate my birth parents from two names on my adoption records ,of which i had to apply for.
over the xmas holidays i recieved lots of help from people on gr trying to help me locate either of them.
i was given an address by a gr member to try , 1 month later i am now in contact with my birth father for the first time in 40 years. its very early days at the moment but things are looking good.
it was like finding a needle in a haystack.
i still cant believe it.! the lengths that the gr member went to ,to help me were imeasurable. there are some very clever reserchers on here.
steve

my husband was adopted as a 6 week old baby. Cut a long story short, his mum had a brief affair with a chap who was lodging with them, found out, too late, he was married, he moved back home without knowing she was with child. Granny, the matriach of thefamily, forbade the girls of the family to let on to the fellers about it and sent her off to "work" in Scarborough (mum and babied home), she had Neil, looked after him for 6 weeks and then was forced to give him up for adoption, he was absoloutely heartbroken. She died of cancer when he was 10 and his cousin says that in her last days she was cooing and cuddlingher baby - she was buried with a picture of her baby tucked into her arms. When we had our first he decided it was time to look for his family, with his mums blessing and help, we contacted the adoption agency and after a few months of searching our wonderful social workerlaid the groundwork and we were put in contact with her brother (there was only the 2 of them) his cousins were over the moon as they'd always known about him but couldn't look for him because of the laws around adoption. When they met it was like looking at 2 peas in a pod, just 1 a lot older. We've had a fantastic relationship with them all for over 10 years and it's like he was never away from the family, he was really sad not to get to have known his mum, we have a lovely picture of her on the wall, and his mum has one of her as well. The sad thing as well is that his uncle said if only he had been told he would have insisted that he and his wife would bring him up as their own!!
His father's side are a different matter - he has 3 half brohers, when his dad died again when Neil was much younger, 3 of his half brothers, when aproached just wanted to know what he was after and that was the end of that! His middle brother. who is lovely and his family have accepted him and although we have met them only once, we do keep in regular contact. Wen I 1st jined genes a few years ago I put Neil's natural family on, as of course one would and I got a hot match with a girl who turned ut to be his neice, it was not a pleasant experience to say the least - she refused to believe her grandad could possibly have had an affair and was quite abusive, she also demanded I take "her" family off my tree -needless to say I responded by saying you can believe what you want to and the tree stays!!! and of course I deleted her from my contacts immediately. Not wanting to cause trouble I rang his brother and told him what had happened, he said not worry and if I had ran him first he would have advised me not to contact her!! BUT on the whole the experience has been fabulous and we have 2 brilliant families now instead of one on his side, his natural and his adoptive. So good was our experience he even does some searching etc. for the adoption agency from time to time.
Carol

Hi

Really weird there appears to be nothing for Agnes Pow, are you 100% sure of her first name ?

William was born in 1951, what years have you checked for marriages ?

hi captain pugwash and all,

agnes c pow marriage to michael murphy.

Q3 1948 kensington vol 5c page 3373

is this what you were looking for

England & Wales, Birth Index: 1916-2005
about William P Griffiths
Name: William P Griffiths
Mother's Maiden Surname: Pow
Date of Registration: Apr May Jun 1951
Registration district: Paddington
Registration county: Greater London
Volume Number: 5d
Page Number: 261 (click to see others on page)

hi susan,
couple of questions please feel free not to answer.
griffiths is your fathers name?
are you older or younger than william griffiths?
your father and mother divorced c1952?
what was your mothers maiden name?
what is fathers 2nd wife's first name and surname, you say same as fathers so griffiths?
what info do you have ref emigration, country etc?

N

Hi Grumpy, Capt. Pugwash and Sheila,
Did not realise that you had been looking up for me, Sorry.
I am 4 yrs older than William.
Father, Harry Griffiths and my mother divorced in 1952.
Mothers maiden name was Hosler.
On Williams b/cert it says mother Agnes Cunningham, GRIFFITHS (caps)
formerly POW.
The only reason to think that she was from abroad (Persia) was that Harry was working at an oil field at the time. He wrote and told my Mum that he had met someone else. Then mum found out that this person was pregnant. My Mum held off divorcing him straight away.
Does this help?

conundrum?????
agnes cunningham pow would link with the marriage of agnes c pow i posted earlier possibly?????? people could get away with a lot when registering births and as there was at that time a lot to hide who knows. probably were not married just pretended. IF and its a big IF they were one and the same you could get this marriage certificate to find her parentage and date and place of birth might help with emigration searches

Thank you Grumpy for your information.
I will send off for the marriage cert. as it seems to much of a coincidence with Agnes name and coming from Westminster.
I will let you knoe how I get on.
Sue