General Chat

My aunty had a baby adopted when she was 16yrs old before she knew and later married my uncle.
For years she wondered how the baby, a girl, was doing and never forgot about her.
About 5yrs ago her daughter Lyndsey got in touch and they had a wonderful reunion! Lyndsey got on well with her half siblings and they spent lots of time together. My aunty doted on Lyndsey and would have done anything for her and Lyndsey's son, her grandson!
Unfortunately after a couple of years things started to go a little sour. Lyndsey started to make demands and if my aunty said she couldnt provide what she wanted then Lyndsey used to throw out the fact that she had been adopted out etc!
The final straw came when she wanted my aunty to put a deposit down on a house for her...........obviously my aunty couldnt afford that and thats when Lyndsey became really arsey and plenty of arguments ensued!
Eventually Lyndsey told my aunty that if she didnt come up with the money then she would stop her from seeing her grandson! My aunty was in turmoil but knew she couldnt be "blackmailed" any longer and has not seen her grandson since that day about 2yrs ago!
So sometimes reunions are not all they are cracked up to be! It's great when it works out but Lyndsey only got in touch to make, as she herself said, her birth mother pay for the years she wasnt there!!

Bev x

have sent pm to sue in sunny worthing from here in sunny spain

Hi everyone.

My only connection with adoption , is my parents adopting my sister's child. Alas, as CP mother, my sister gave birth without being married.My sister was 15 when she gave birth.

My mum, said at the time it was decided that this was the only option(1977, living in a small minded village), that she could not bear the thought of a young woman turning up later in life, and saying that she was her granddaughter.

I think the fact that my mum herself, was born out of wedlock, made her more determined to keep her (my niece/sister), in the family.

Gail x

Just to let you know that I haven't been able to get on the website at all. Haven't had a chance to go to my daughters yet but will do so very soon!!

Oh how frustrating, I've tried soooo many times now & still can't get on.
I bet its this stupid AOL that we use!!!

I'm going to leave it for tonight (before I throw something!!) and try again in the morning, if still no joy then I'll go to my daughters & try on hers.

Thanks again, Sue

Sue it can be accessed, don't understand why you were having probs, was on the site earlier myself. Well worth trying again later. Good luck.

Great thread CP.

For anyone searching, who may just have a birth name to go by, there is a website (and I hope it's ok posting this) where you can register the name of anyone you are looking for (& they may be looking for you too?).

It's free.

http://www.missing-you.net/

Good luck to all those searching. I found my daughter (or rather she found me) after nearly 21 years...................don't give up to those searching!!

Oh no, help!!!

I can't access that website - it comes up as website found but will not allow access (or something very similar)

Is it a website that anyone can access?

Sue

Hi

Thank you Sheila & Captain Pugwash for that - I've just got home from work & seen your messages. I'm going to go on that website right now and, of course, I'll keep you updated with whatever happens.

Keep your fingers crossed!!! Sue

Adoption Support are fantastic thats who helped me, so very worthwhile contacting them. If they have to make a charge (and I think it depends on your local authority) that their charges are not as much as Norcap. Good Luck Sue. Keep us in touch with how it goes.

Hi Sue

Try this site, you are not in one of there areas,

Birmingham Solihull
Coventry Walsall
Dudley Warwickshire
Herefordshire Wolverhampton
Sandwell



but they do say they may be able to still help you or find you another org that can

http://www.adoptionsupport.co.uk/

Good Luck !

Hi Sheila - we're in Worthing, West Sussex.
West Sussex is our local authority. Thank you so much.

Hi Grumpy - thanks for that, never thought about approaching our local MP. It might be something to resort to in the future though.

Sue

Hi Sue

What area are you in what is your local authority ? will see what I can find out, it is not who can help you with records, more who is allowed to get the info from the adoption register.

Blackrose

Do you know Gordons year of birth ?

sue might help? i know people poo poo them but take it too your local mp and explain that your parents can't wait 2 years any option is worth a try? he may be able to put pressure on local social services? after all my years of working with social workers (fostered 210 children, adopted 4) i know that he who shouts loudest actually works?

Hi Sheila I was led to believe that Gordon Cook was probably born around Carlisle but have followed a couple up to know avail!

Hi Sheila

I have already spoken to SS & explained the situation, the lady who deals with these things told me that their waiting list is 18- 24 months & in view of Mum & Gordon's age, we should not wait that long (didn't tell my Mum that bit!!) She said we should pay Norcap to make the initial investigations/search and if/when he is found, Social Services would make contact etc which would be free. Even though I know where his file is and, as you say, his adoptive name will not have changed, SS said it will still take up to 2 years for them to make a start & Norcap have set fees that they won't change.

Are there other Intermediary Agencies?

I have not posted anything on other sites as I really do not know of any but I think your idea of asking the SA if we could put a letter in his file is a great idea & I'm going to do that - thank you.

I tend also to think that this adoption may have been kept secret and if he is unaware of it, we certainly would not want him to be told at this stage of his life - could he not tell from his birth certificate though?

Sue

Hi Sue

Phone up your SS and see if they will have someone there who can act as an inter-mediator, and ask if they can do is there a fee.
At the moment there seems to be no hard and fast rules about who will charge and who will not, Norcaps prices seems really steep to me, especially given that this a male adoptee that they are tracing so his name will have remained the same.
To be fair if he was given a common surname like Smith or Jones it may involve a fair amount of work, but given that they have the new adoptive name the address at the time and also the parents names, it should not be so difficult to trace, unlike a female who may have married once or twice his name remains the same.

Explain that the SA are prepared to work with them and give them some info, problem is you have to have a designated intermediator, to access the adoptive name, and this gives the monopoly to some agencies to be able to charge. :O(

Have you also posted messages on any other sites ? you know at the very least ask the SA has anyone ever viewed this file and can you place a letter with it telling your Uncle your Mother would welcome contact with him.

The problem you have is given his age, he may not be aware he is even adopted :O( it was very hush hush back then, so it may be a case of trying to get an agency to act on your behalf as he may not be looking for his BF.

Sheila

Yes, I have him & my mum & my Gran in my tree on GR in the hope that someone will see it but no luck so far.

I received an email from the Salvation Army Archivist which says 'Sometimes our women's social work officers were asked to assist with finding homes for babies who were adopted, I have checked this adoption record and found that we were involved in the case'

He later says 'Ask your local authority Social Services Department about Intermediary Agencies in your area as we cannot give information to you directly but we would be willing to assist an Intermediary agency'

Social Services advised us that we should register with Norcap and Norcap do the initial research & if Gordon was found, Social services would make the contact with him.

We joined Norcap & paid the £40 membership fee and then a further £150 when we sent them a copy of Gordon's birth certificate. Then I heard back from Norcap asking for another £495 which is an awful lot of money. So, sadly, we stopped.

The Salvation Army did not offer help with the search, only for me to find an Intermediary & they would liaise with them. Do you think that I should contact SA again?

Thanks for your advice Sheila, its appreciated.

Hi Sarah

Why did you need the date ?, I ordered my AS cert I just wrote a letter gave the quarter and the name and MMN and was able to put down the ref number, the GRO did phone me to ask why I wanted them, as they where under 50 years old, but they did send them out to me.

Sue

Have you put your Uncles details in your tree along with your grandmothers details ? also will the Salvation Army not help you with your search ? did they actually arrange the adoption.

Blackrose

There are 197 Gordon Cooks down in the uk, was your BF local to that area or just working there ?

Hi everyone ive been trying to do some research for a friend at 48 he,s just discovered that he has a sister who was adopted. He has no other family alive and desperate to find her. I sent off for her birth cert i had the mother area and year right but because i didnt have the exact DOB they wouldnt send the cert but i know it is the right one !! What can i do to help him any suggestions please
Best Wishes Sarah