General Chat

I remember the day my Original Birth Certificate came through the letterbox.
I was the only one at home,which I was pleased about .I sat and looked at the envelope for ages knowing that the moment I opened it was going to be the first time in 53 years that I would know anything about my BM and me.
I took a deep breath and opened it,and looked at my name.It felt very very odd seeing a name that I had never heard of before and realising it was me!Then my BM's name and age,the hospital I was born in and the time of birth and weight.No Fathers name!!
I put it away and did nothing for several years,until both my adoptive mum and dad had passed away.

Hi Helen

Know how you felt, it is strange to find out this, especially later in life and you had not always been aware of your adoption, that you had this other identity ............

A few common triggers for searching for their birth family are the death of adoptive parents (as a lot of adoptee's do feel a sense of guilt or betrayal to their parents if the seek out their birth family, or the birth of their own child, maybe it triggers of some sort of genetic desire to know their roots ........

However, what I was trying to reassure Grumpy was that this is a normal curiosity and in no way reflects of the love you have for your family, who have raised you and will always in your eyes be your parents.

Hi Sheila,
I always knew I was adopted and I was very happy.I do remember when I had my daughter I hadthis overwhelming feeling of realising she was my first blood relative.It came out of nowhere but I will never forget it.
I would never have looked for BF while Mum and Dad were alive as I know they would have thought I hadn't had a happy upbringing.If only they knew what I know now they should be so proud of themselves for choosing me.

thanks sheila for the reassurance
i have mostly good days and very few bad days but this forum was just a trigger, most of the time i do not even think about it,
this week is a little strained due to visits and i know there will be a response from the children.
for me obviously the ideal is there was no birth family, sounds harsh but being realistic there is and i did not go into this blind.
I just wanted people to know that as others have said there other sides to the coin.
maybe if my children ever get to read their social service records they may never talk to their BM again, but thats not for me to tell them and shatter illusions?

Hi Grumpy, I think you are right not shatter your families illusions , although it must be very hard at times to stay neutral, time will come when they will ask to see their records, then it will be their choice what they do about it.. It must be very hard for you , don't know what's better limited contact or no contact. To a certain extent at least they have a choice, I had none!

Hi Grumpy

Just be there for them, that is all you can do, hopefully if they decide to follow this through they will be mature enough to handle what is thrown at them.
It always seems funny to me, that post 1975 adoptee's do no need help, when searching for their birth family ( due to the fact that most of them where bought up with info surrounding there adoption) where as older adoptee's need to see a counsellor before they proceed.
Think the older you are the more prepared you are to accept the outcome.......

Why have you no choice Captain Pugwash ?

Really interesting thread - I wouldn't discuss my feelings and experiences on here but it's always good to read others'.

Why would'nt you discuss your feelings Uggers?

Have just seen Uggers is leaving GR.

Hello Captain Pugwash - I do discuss them frequently but I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it on here for several reasons. Good luck with this:)

Thank you Uggers,been a member of GR for a while now but only just felt confident to put on something of my own!! Sorry to hear you are leaving have always read your threads with interest. All the best with whatever you are doing.

Morning all.Just bringing this back to the top in case anyone has anything else they would like to add.

Hi,
I was looking for my birth father and his family. Birth father died in the 1970's so never met him.
I looked for my birth cousins and found them. We had a good get together. I am still in touch with them.
I know that I have a half brother out there somewhere but it is hard to find him. I have the proof from a birth cert.
I will always wonder where he is!
Sue x

Hi Susan, have you tried putting your half brothers name on trying to find ? You never know someone may be able to help.

Putting this back to the top again, case anyone has anything else to add. Thanks for your comments so far.

Hi Susan,

Was your half brother adopted ?

Helen,
I am sure they did know....., they gave you a Wonderful secure family and happy memories, what more can your parents do for you :O)

n

n

Kathy, thanks for adding that to the thread, it is so heartwarming to read. I may be mis-interpreting some of the replies that have been put here, but the underlying theme seems more discontentment, than contentment with re-unions. Am I right?

With reference to my previous post, if my Mum were able to meet her half brother she woud love to, she doesnt expect some tearful, holloywood style reunion but she would like to have more of an idea of her Bmum and what sort of person she was, she has no resentment over the adoption and had a privileged upbringing with her adoptive parents but ever since she found out she was adopted she has felt like a peice of her was missing if that makes sense???

Julia