General Chat

All requests for the thigh length boots will considered, of course i will have to make sure they fit, whose been at the booze already sing or sign what are you like. David ( slightly recovered security )

Not yet David, just about to start tho - LOL! Having a quick one whilst I cook my elf's tea. Please keep the boots for me but I hope they are BIG as I take size 7! Lynne

I'm off to the rest room to watch the Football, need a break feeling very down after the news from Gaynor and Rob, will catch up later David

have to compose myself aswell david .not a good day after hearing gaynors news.feeling sad.xx

Evening Cap'n, Dr. Bosun, Slappers all, Councellor, Hairdresser, Dressmaker etc etc and not forgetting Daniel (whoever he is!) Just to report that my instruments are good and ready for action (can't wait) so if anyone is feeling just a little bit queazy, then come see me and I'll show you my trochar!! Soon have you up and about. Trouble is, that I do tend to sleep during the day (in my coffin usually) and come out at night time (no garlic allowed near me!!) and I rather prefer no moonlight if at all possible - last time I went to the Azores was in 1648, and as I recall it was a good vintage! Jacqui - Head Mortician (and in charge of blood transfusions)

Dr - Purser - bearing in mind that I tend to sleep all day - what is the sad news please? Jacqui ps I fancy liver and onions for dinner, will supply my own offal!

Dear Head of Slappers - was the cook a rather bonny jolly lady, given to walking around at night time? cos, if she was then I might just have "bumped" into her last night when I was out and about! think she wont be out until much later tonight then! Jacqui - Head of Transfusions

Jean, Ive had to let LLCool J have a little rest, covered him in garlic and holy water, we need to protect the brothel it seems we have a vampire in our midst, I watched every episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer so don't panic, get your stakes sharpened and lets get on patrol.

Saw sad news and agree with everyones sentiments. No dinner required tonight, but thanks anyway. Jacqui

Mommylonglegs: In your capacity as Purser: can I ask you to draw attention to the fact that we should have sailed 40 minutes ago, for the Azores. I see you have 2 more passengers: Lisa (from Sunny SOuthsea) and Lynne from Sale, and that Margaret Thomas is now Head Gardener (not that there is a garden on board, you understand, but she'll be very useful if we get marooned on a desert island): hopefully Jim is on board as well. Could Margaret be asked to ensure that the flowers are kept fresh on the restaurant's tables....we don't appear to have a florist. Looks like Security Guard David has been overstretching himself as he's had to take a break to watch the footers! I hope he'll have recovered enough later to go on his rounds. I haven't heard from Chief Engineer Len, so I intend that as soon as I hear from you, Mommylonglegs, we set sail for the Azores without further delay. We shall dock at Porto Delgado, on Santa Miguel, which is the Capital. After a few hours there, we set sail again late tomorrow for the Bahamas.

Doc, was your ass talking about Jean the slut, shes the bonny jolly lady of the night, I do hope she has'nt been turned by the vampire jacqui you engaged as a mortician

(TANNOY) Ladies and Gentlemen: (If there are any aboard!) We intend setting sail again shortly, we are now running late: so I hope all who signed on in Southampton are now back from their shopping trips in Lisbon and are now safely on board. You will have more time to shop in the Azores tomorrow.

I resent the implication that I might be a vampire - just because I enjoy a drop of the red stuff now and again (as does the majority of the crew by all accounts!!) and walk about during the night, and sleep by day in a coffin and was born in Transylvania, doesnt make me a vampire - by the way, is there a dentist on board? I'm having a little trouble with two of my teeth! Drac the Mortician - I mean Jac the Mortician! (slip of the finger)

i've missed the boat couldn't find arm bands, rubber ring, swimming cozie with frilly skirt on or my swimming hat with flowers on with strap on too go under chin

Diana: You could quickly come on board now. Speak to Mommylonglegs as to what job you can do, should we get marooned on a Desert Island.

Quartermaster here. Have now finally got through checking out accessories of Sean Connery and Mel Gibson. Stores are all in order and any crew wanting to requisition equipment or supplies should see me. However, please bear in mind that the stores will be closed until my seasickness subsides (pale blue and green websites with dodgy fonts don't help my eyesight problems). So please bear with me and in the meantime, Make Do and Mend as my father used to say. Angela

I seond that Cap'n Dorothy - we do need a garden otherwise where else will you be able to keep the animals? Jacqui the Mortician ps can we please hurry up and set sail, I dont really like travelling over water if I can help it!!

URGENT could Margaret and Grampa be Vampire Slayers, Your ass mortician is running amok the whole ship will be over-run with vampires soon. Jean the slut, lazy bugger Marian and the rest of the girls are in the chapel with the cabinboy and the animals, tarts with hearts they are.

Damn! Have I missed the boat? Had trouble with my connections. Please, please can you wait for me. I'm just coming up to the dock as soon as this taxi driver gets his finger out. Please wait!!!!!!

I keep telling you I'm NOT a vampire - not my fault the jolly asst. cook went walk-about in the night and came across me out on a nightly "stroll", is it? And why are you keeping the animals with the cabinboy? that aint sanitary I can tell you! Jacqui