General Chat

Thats true Dan it is But its also scarey as he may not be fully aware of the girls age, after all, lots of 14 year olds look older nowdays, and if shes been meeting him at 12.30am he may even be less aware of her age. (as most 14 year olds arenot allowed out at that hour) Elaine x

Yes, putting it like that it is. Am just trying to get hold of the Mother now!!!!

I will very interested in hearing what The Mother has to say.

Yeah I know. The system needs sorting.

Hope it all turns out for the best!! And I hope you're not put in too arkward a situation by the mother!! Another hug xx

My daughter is 14 and I would be furious if another Mother took my daughter to the doctors, ( I have a open and straight talking rleationship with my kids so I know and pray it wouldn't happen to me, but never say never) I think you are best to go with the daughter as support whilst she tells her mother, and that is all, to take her to the doctors is a step too far, I see what you are trying to do and applaud you for having a kind heart but this could end up smacking you in the face. The best advice you could give the girl is to tell her mother and then wait in the wings if a shoulder to cry on is needed. Good luck in whatever you decide to do, as we can all offer advice but you are in the thick of it and have to make the decision not us Joanne

i will also send my thoughts to you, hope the mum acts favourably to you and sympathetic to her daughter, no good ranting, (julie says who rants and raves at most things ) learning it doesnt help, im only glad my kids talk to me,

Jane you are in a funny situation. Obviously you talk to your daughter, but many parents don't. Perhaps she could talk to her mother with you there? That is if you feel you can do that? It is sad isn't it. I used to think that all mothers talked about sex to their children. Then my youngest was asked in his first sex ed. class. 'how many of you have been told anything by your parents?' THERE WERE TWO!! Including my boy. Sad. Deanna X

I had an almost identical situation when my girls were teenagers. However a few days after I found out that what the girl had told me was not true. What happened was she was getting attention by claiming these things had occured. It turned out her Mum was working & had no time for her so somebody elses Mum was the next best thing. I was a working Mum too, so know how difficult it is to balance everything. Just tread carefully.

Thanks everyone for all your advice, I will let you know the outcome. janey x

HI All Any news on this situation yet? Wendy

I have been in this situation where young people including my son's friends found it easier to talk to me than their mums. I personally think you did a good job with her and you helping her by making an appointment with her doctor is a sensible thing to do. It is not as if you took her to your doctor by force - if she is seeing her own doctor, then that is what she should have been doing anyway and it does not need her mum to make the appointment, the girl could have done it by herself. She definitely does need to talk to her mum, but maybe her mother is still bitter about the divorce or upset still and also stressed about working. This girl is obviously unhappy and this is her way of dealing with it, not the right way, but the only way perhaps to find love and affection and boost her self esteem. She isn't be the first or the last to get it wrong. I hope she gets some back up from the doc and her mum, so she doesn't need to put herself in danger of all sorts of problems to feel loved. Daniel, I am sorry but I think you are very naive in the things you have said. Good for you to isolate yourself from your friends who went down the wrong road, but I think you have to ask yourself what experience you have of young women who are stressed and unhappy and looking for someone to love them, or show them some affection and attention albeit the wrong sort. Everyone is different and at the age of 14 life is very complicated for some to deal with. This young girl needs her friends around her and to say that she should not be mixing with Jane's daughter is silly, Jane's daughter knows what is what and could be a good influence on the girl. Giving her the cold shoulder will only send her into further unhappiness and trouble. A bit of 'There but for the grace of God go I ' wouldn't go amiss young man.

Wise words, Liz. I've had several young people talk to me about things that they felt they couldn't talk to their parents about, and sometimes their fears were justified and sometimes not. Daniel, I understand your perspective at this point in your life. However, one of my sons gave me an important lesson when he was a little younger than you. He seemed to be spending a lot of time with a boy who was constantly in trouble and didn't have much in the way of social graces. I asked my son what drew him to this friend and was frank with him - I was concerned that he would follow suit and be drawn into doing things he shouldn't. My son's reaction was, 'Oh, Mum, I know what's right and wrong and I won't do anything I shouldn't, but ......... needs a friend right now.' I relaxed a little and accepted the friendship and ......... spent quite a lot of time at our house. Sure enough within 6-8 months the friendship had run it's course. Simply put, my son stayed on at school and his friend didn't. They went their separate ways and no harm came to my son. Then I met his friend in the street a couple of years later and he asked how my son was doing, adding 'Please say hi to him for me, he's special,' and with a big grin he was off. Jane's daughter is probably a special friend too. People come into our lives for all sorts of reasons that aren't always clear at the time. :-)

Felicity, what a lovely thing for that young man to say about your son. You must have been very proud. My lad had some odd friends at various times but it hasn't sent him off the rails. His mates call him 'Solid' not because he is heavy but because they know they can rely on him. He doesn't see some of his old friends any more because their paths seperated but some of them have done well and some have been foolish, all part of life's rich pattern. If you bring your kids up to know right from wrong, it will stay with them no matter how different some of their friends are. My lad used to say to me sometimes, 'Mum I wish you hadn't brought me up to be so honest! ' A couple of his mates had figured out how to make money on an insurance scam and tho he was desparately skint at the time, being at college, he just couldn't bring himself to do the same.

Naive or cautious? Sorry if I feel uncompassionate or harsh, but this girl is not helping herself or anyone else. If it is wrong to be wary of her, to be protective of those children who are not as promiscuous as she is (at 14) then something is very wrong with people's attitides indeed. This sort of immoral activity amongst Britain's young teens is getting out of control, and I for one will never condone it.

Daniel I think you are being naive, it is not something that is happening to the young of today, you only have look at the Trying To Find board it has been going on for hundreds of years

If it was my daughter who had a friend getting herself into these sort of pickles on a regular basis (regular I said, not a one off, we all make mistakes) Then I would encourage my daughter to be spending at least quite a bit less time with her friend ..if not ending the friendship if things get worse. 14 year olds can be very impressionable and some need only a bit of encouragement to join in activities. we all remember 'Go on...dont be chicken...have a puff ', or 'If you are my friend you would do this for me' or 'Go on, go out with his mate,cos if you dont, I cant see this bloke on my own' or 'Stay out with me, we can pretend to each others mums, that we are staying over at each others house'. Elaine x

I'm with Daniel on this one. Apart from the moral issue, what she is doing is illegal, and it is likely that the lad concerned has committed a rape. it is her mother's responsibility to give her a serious talking to.

I would have thought that if she is a wordly wise and up to the kind of things she is up to , then she is quite independant - dont get too involved, encourage her to phone doctors and perhaps offer the bus fare if that is the problem, but keep a distance - you dont want it all to blow back in your face - and it could so very easily. jess

i have know my best friend since I was 12 - we've done things together that we probably shouldn't have done at a young age but I wouldn't swap her friendship for anything!! Evie if you are reading this - I love you millions as you know.... you have helped mould me into who I am today!! And I am proud to call you my bestest friend!! xx