General Chat

I totally agree with Honey Rum ! The child's mother should be told. I don't think it is up to another adult (a complete stranger) to make a life changing descision for another woman's child. Sorry but that's how I feel. You have to put yourself in the child's mother's shoes, yes she will be mad but it is up to HER to make what she thinks is the best descision for HER child, no-one else. I know i'd be mad with my child if I had one that had done the same, but then went to a doctor without my agreement, & I'd be extremely mad with the adult that took her !!! Sorry if it sounds hard, but that's how I'd feel. Furious, basically !! :0) Joan

Thanks guys for all the advice. I know what I need to do, this is not just a one off I have taken this young girl in when she has drank a bottle of vodka before, and other things she has done too. At my age and with my health as it is I dont need the responsibility. I am flattred that she feels she can trust me and we have talked many times. And yes I think some of you are right, I think she does it as a way to get attention/affection as she knows know different. Wish me luck

Hi, Why not contact the emergency social worker? There will be one on call at your local social services. Gwynne

I'm sure she does know different. Don't give her that excuse.

I think her mum needs to be told, but I think she is the one that should tell her, this girl has got a problem and not just about this particular event? She obviously feels that she cannot talk to her mum for what ever reason, and to my mind that is the route cause of her problem, if you, being the one that has got her trust can find a way of getting her to make the first move then I think things can work out for this girl, this girls mum will probably think and feel the same as all the ladies on her about this, so I think that her and her daughter just need bringing together but without upsetting either party anymore than necessary. Roy

I didn't know any different at that age Dan and I was quite mature! I just wanted someone to love me and anyone would do! Julie xxx

I too feel that her Mum should know, but I think that your job is to persuade her to tell her Mum. if you tell her Mum without her consent who will she have to turn to the next time? And will your daughter lose trust in you if you do. difficult one but she need to talk to her Mum herself. Ann Glos

Really? Well if she really doesn't know what's right from wrong, what's decent and what isn't (after so many previous rendezvous that we have been told of, at 14!) then I don't know what to say. I will never defend such people.

You speak a lot of common sense Daniel Wish more teenagers felt the way you do, then they would ALL enjoy their youthful days, and perhaps not have any regrets about 'casual sex' when they are a lot older!! Mau x

How true Maureen. I see them as little girls doing adult things. Looking back maybe I was a late starter : > (( But I tell my daughter there is so much more to life, and at 14 she has time when she is older to do all the grown up stuff. Life is far to short and they should be out there enjoying there childhood.

i sympathise with you i have a 15 year old boy and 19 year old girl i get on well with their friends, id hate to have to sit and chat about that with um though, only for the fact their mums should be approachable, 14 is so young to deal with that kind of relationship isnt it, hope the young lady is ok

You have a lot more patience than me! I would have gone to the mother way before now - drinking is illegal, sex is illegal etc etc and it is not your responsibility - you could get into trouble (with the family and with the law) for 'helping' and protecting this girl. Please be very careful! I disagree with 'what are they teaching them at school' - in my opinion this sort of thing should be taught in the home first and foremost - I'm sure you have done so with your own daughter and not relied on anyone else to do it for you. At least you know then that your child has all the facts and you have crossed the 'talking' barrier together. Maz. XX

Most young people are terrified about telling their parents things like this No one wants to feel they have let their parents down. I remember having a boyfriend when I was 15, he was 18. no funny business went on and we shared nothing more than a kiss or cuddle. Yet my aunt took me to the side and gave me a talking to, you know 'If you get pregnant it will kill your Dad' type of talk. A few years on, and in my first serious relationship at 16, I had a scare (which was a false alarm) I was TERRIFIED and vowed Id not tell my dad if I was pregnant. Looking back now, I can see he most likely would have grumbled but then accepted the idea. But at the age i was then, I couldn't see that, and neither may the 14 year old girl Elaine x

Ps You can teach someone all the facts about sex, but when hormones kick in, teaching, reasoning and common sense go out the window, you always think 'It wont happen to me' or 'Once wont matter'...carried away comes into force. Hopefully, Im quite open with my two kids (now 11 and 7) as they get older and ask questions I answer them as truthfully as their age warrants.(and we laugh at issues to not make them a big a deal such as body hair {FUR LOL}) In years to come, I will encourage them to come to me with worries such as contraceptives and pregnancy worries. Even though i will tell them I may get angry and upset with them first, If we get say..a pregnancy issue arrises but I will calm down and support them every time. Elaine x

Whatever happens me sending ya a hug for being a Mummy that kids can talk too!! xx

Thanks Pink I really needed that janey xx

I would also suggest the morning after pill. I think you can get home test kits for clymidia now but still there are all the others she needs testing for, so a visit to the local clinic would probably be best as on her part she would probably feel a little less embarrassed if it wasn't her own doctor. It is all very confidential so she will feel it can't get back to her parents. Awful situation to be in but just have to do whatever is best for the girl concerned and hope it frightens her into taking more precautions in future. Lectures when they are that age I feel don't seem to work unfortunately so a gentle approach may work. At least if she feels she can confide in you its better than no one at all. Good luck, rather you than me. Take care :o)

And the boy? What of him?

Thanks Mags. Daniel, bless your so sweet. What of the boy? Expect he is in the bush with someone else now. He is 18 and should know better.

So it's also a criminal matter.