General Chat

Daddy comes home with a big bag of sweets & says to his children: "I'm going to give these to the person who never answers Mummy back & always does what she wants. Now who's going to get them?"

The youngsters reply: "You are".

Unashamedly stolen from another site...(but edited for the squeamish....)
A Husband and Wife who worked for the Circus went to an adoption agency.
The social workers there raised doubts about their suitability.??
The couple then produced photos of their 50-foot Motor Home, which was clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful Nursery.
The social workers then raised concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care.
"We've arranged for a full-time Tutor will teach the Child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and Computer Skills".
Then the social workers expressed concern about a Child being raised in a Circus environment.??
"Our Nanny will be a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."
The social workers were finally satisfied.
They asked,
"What age child are you hoping to Adopt"..??
"It doesn't really matter.. As long as the little beggar fits in the Cannon"..

What do you get when you cross a bee with a bell?

A humdinger

OH had an accident in the car yesterday.

She told the police that the person she hit was drinking beer and on the phone when the accident occurred

The police told OH that the man was perfectly entitled to do that in his own living room.

"Why is the new baby just like daddy"?

"It is bald, sleepy & uneducated".

Don’t you love eye jokes, the cornea the better

I've just been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants.


The doctor said I have feefiphobia

:-D :-D

A woman sees a small boy leaning against a wall smoking a cigarette & drinking nips from a hip flask.

"Shouldn't you be at school?" enquires the woman.

"School!? - says the boy. "You've got to be joking! I'm only four"!

I used to have a fear of walking past horse chestnut trees, but I’ve now conkered it.

Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed?

He had low elf-esteem. :-)

A sandwich goes into a bar.

"Get out" says the barman "We don't serve food here".

A man stumbled into a bar & exclaims; "Ouch! That hurt"!

It was an iron bar.

Arial went into a bar.

"Get out" said the barman "We don't serve your type here".

Out of the mouths of babes & sucklings comes all manner of things - usually smelly puke.

My Wife has a black belt in cooking.

One chop and your dead

:-D :-D to all

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Luca

Luca who?

Luca through the keyhole and you’ll see

Bulldog for sale. Eats anything, loves children.

Boy wanted to trace gas leaks with lighted match. Must be willing to travel.