General Chat

my word Lesley you are looking decidedly gorgeous this evening. Do you have an hourglass figure and tiny waistline to go with the bottle blonde hairdo? Did you meet Tony Curtis and Jack Lemon by any chance?

thanks for your concern and I have settled down now, I'm still cross but not so stressed out. A relaxing hour or two with a good DVD helped no end :-D

In answer to your questions CC .......................................... I wish :-D

Pleased to hear your feeling more relaxed. x

Oh CC, what can I say. Totally shambolic?. I have a fear we are heading in the same direction. Where I live, the Doctors are all relocating to one building, it will be pot luck who we see...... A very sad sign of the times I fear.

Glad to hear you are somewhat restored after watching Les Mis. :-). Err, I hope you have a good supply of paper for the , you know, little boys room?... Don't want you getting caught short. I hope your OH is on the mend?.

Ladies , I have Mr Rod Stewart warbling away to me. His latest CD I think, 'Time". I rather like it. My girl fruit gave it to me for Mother's Day :-). My male fruit got a flea in his ear, no text or call to his Mama :-(. Boys, eh..

Petunia, I cannot send you any sunshine today - we don't have any :-P. I am sure you have no wish for more rain. We are in for a drenching this weekend it seems. Perhaps you could tootle to Lesley's neck of the woods?.

Teresa, are you done skivvying yet?. Perhaps you could point out to FTE your house no commercial laundry..... Still, what is a mama for if not to skivvy for her orfspring?. I shall tell you, a Mama is not a slave, maid, whatever term we wish to use... Revolt I say, tell your fruits you are 'revolting' ;-)...
I am so pleased FTE enjoyed our fair shores and doubly pleased to hear she found us a friendly bunch. Yes we are :-). My Papa regularly used to come home with hitchikers and give them a bed for the night, mama didn't bat an eyelid. I have done it myself, though I hasten to add, I have only picked up those displaying a foreign flag... We did come home from a local restaurant some years ago with two couples. My fruits think me nuts at times ;-). OH and I love to meet people from other lands :-).

Lesley, wow baby, you look remarkably like a lady I know of... psst, keep away from windy places, make sure you have clean knickers on too :-D.. puhlease !!
Lucky you gardening in a tshirt, a sign of a summer to come hopefully. I planted a shrub this morning. A dear friend gave it to us after our recent loss. The shrub has the same 'name' as MIL. I shall have to nourish it with love and attention. Indoor plants are wasted on me, I hate them... Have killed off many with neglect :-0.

Well, tis time to think about cooking a meal, also time to pour a nice glass of vino :-)

Have a lovely day ladies and peeps

Toodle

CCs annual Eurovision Euphoria …. NOT

well well well. What about last night then. Fancy our Bonnie being overlooked like that. I would be outraged, if it wasnt for the fact that the Russian entry was just as good and .... sung in English !!!

Our lady hostess resembled a blob of pink blancmange in her JP Gaultier outfit. I think she was aiming for a Jedward hairdo - and failed.

The French entry was a very strong song, I thought, even sung in French. I liked it and would not have complained if France had won. The girl reminded me of Tina Turner, it was her mannerisms and the way she moved around the stage.

I was surprised Belgium sang in English; obviously they had not received any pre-show instructions from Brussels. Finland “did a Germany” while Germany “did a Madonna”; and Denmark “did a Sandie Shaw” - catchy number though even if the girl seemed to need an oxygen machine, she got so breathy. Romania tried to be Tiny Tim, and all he needed was to tiptoe thru the tulips. The Swedish entry sure was no ABBA, and he missed with his attempt at a Jedward hairdo. Iceland looked like an Afghan Hound crossed with a Viking In A Suit; but I think there was a goodlooking young man beneath all that hair and his voice was quite pleasant. And I have no idea what Hungary was taking, but I don’t want any!!

I was amazed that Armenia, Azerbaijan, Russia, Ukraine, Georgia, and Belarus all sang in English this year. The Belarus entry was a catchy little number. Russia’s entry was lovely, as was the Georgia entry, two very good songs with meaningful lyrics. Armenia performed a good rock number, as far as presentation is concerned, even if the lyrics were a bit bland. What has happened to Mother Russia and her satellites? I can only surmise that the salt mines in Siberia are over-subscribed and cannot take any more inmates. Or am I literally thinking outside the box wot one of the singers jigged around before the lady in red came onto the stage?

Bad enough the Greeks sang in Greek (without bearing gifts as they came) but none of them had any plates to smash! Still, the lyrics were easy enough to pick up - Alcohol is free, Alcohol is free, Alcohol is free. Not at the hostelry I patronise, it ainnot. And all the high kicking, they must have thought they were the Tiller Girls.

The Netherlands entry was dreary and meaningless but I suppose they liked it which is all that matters I guess, although how they got through the initial screenings will have to be put down to the Tenth Wonder Of The World. (The Ninth Wonder Of The World is why Bruce Willis has done so well in Hollywood)

But I digress …..

What was the point of all those gyrating dancers, some of whom displayed tattoos. They didn’t do anything for me. What on earth has happened to the principle of the singer just singing a song? Spain sang in Spanish, and Italy sang in Italian, you’d think they didn’t speak Inglis. The Spanish song was pleasant enough, although I couldnt understand a word and wouldnt have known what she was singing about if I hadnt pressed the red button for subtitles. The Italian song was a bit wishy washy but at least he managed without a troop of gyrating monkeys behind him.

Ireland was a nice little number - and the song he sang was quite catchy too.

Why on earth did Denmark win? Do none of the Eurovision voters have any musical taste?? Bonnie should have been given a Belter to sing, but she was better than Engelbert’s entry last year.

As always the excitement of the scoring almost (but not quite) made up for all the not-so-good songs and silly dancing routines. I DEMAND A RECOUNT !!

Graham Norton is no substitute for Sir Terry Wogan. Sir T’s remarks about Doctor Death and the Tooth Fairy have compromised our chances of ever again winning Eurovision for ever more and a day - but it was funny even if the Danes don’t share our sense of humour. I will never forget about Doctor Death and the Tooth Fairy.

Ah well - back inside the box to wait for next year’s Eurovision. I live in hope that one day the show will be performed without political bias - and that the best song will win because it’s the best song and not because certain countries all insist on voting for each other. Bring back Pearl & Teddy Johnson, and Katie Boyle, all is forgiven. :-D :-D :-D

Susan I fear there is about to be a world shortage of toilet paper. One of the South American countries has run out of this precious commodity. I hope they dont ask England to supply them. The government would give away the air that we breathe, if they thought they could get away with it.

Good afternoon dear Ladies,

Well, no Congratulations for us, nor a Boom Bang a Bang either. How very strange the voting system is. Tis evident that one country votes for its neighbours, then the neighbours vote in turn for each other. Or am I getting confused again?

Poor young Miss Tyler, she did her best, but was not good enough in the larger scheme of things, what a pity. At least she did not have NIL points.

Where have I been I can hear you asking? No? Well I shall tell you anyway................as you so rightly said Cherry, our Pat-trish-aaaah keeps disappearing to the garden. So I followed her the other night.

As you can imagine we have rather a large garden, and one cannot see to the bottom of it from the house. Guess what we have at the bottom of the garden? No............not fairies. We have Romanies, complete with painted caravans!

Being as good hearted as our dear Upsidedown Susan appears to be, she invited them home, and they are camped in the bottom of the garden.

I was invited to sit by the campfire last night, we sat and ate and sang merry songs, and the young gels danced with tamborines. Oh it was magical. Grandpapa played the accordian, and Grandmama played the violin.................I have not been so entertained for a long, long time. They will be with us until the end of the week.

As you know Pat-trish-aaaah has Latin blood in her veins, and she was full of flashing eyes at the young men. I shall have to put something in her cocoa.

Teresa put your foot down with a firm hand dear...................I do hope you are not ironing too!

Lesley, you are a regular chamelian. A proper bombshell you do look..............................I shall have to sort out a new photo of my good self.

Pip Pip
Auntie Petunia

and Cherry was last seen scuttling down the end of the garden as fast as her walking sticks would allow her, in the direction of the painted Romany caravans and a romantic evening or three ............. !!

#Three gypsies stood at the castle gate..........they sang so high, and they sang so low#

Come on Cherry dear, sing up! My but you do have a sweet melodic voice dear, I see you have a very bright shawl around your shoulders, and the tempo you are tapping your feet to, must be good exercise dear.............

#wanders back to Motie Towers, leaving Cherry sitting next to Grandpapa and trying to squeeze his accordian....................the sight of Cherry in the flickering firelight is almost magical................#

my mummy told me to be good
and not play with the romanies in the wood
but did I heed her? did I ever
and now I sleep on a bed of heather.

yes Petunia dear I borrowed the shawl from Grandmama, and it helps to keep the chill off my shoulders. The effort of squeezing his accordion makes Grandpapa go bright red with exertion did you notice. Actually I rather fancy the son of Grandpapa's brother, he has the most amazing flashing dark eyes and I am sure that ear ring he sports "pirate style" is real 18 ct gold.

Yes click those castanets, dear, and swish your skirt,
and dance on your heels til your ankles hurt
but when bedtime comes you will have had fun
to warm your dreams until the rising of the sun.

I wonder what is in the cauldron bubbling merrily away over the log fire.

What?

Hedgehog stew? Ughhh !!!! :-D :-D

Good evening dears,

Did you come home last night Cherry dear? Or was you up very early and made your bed without airing it? Or did you sit under the stars and make a spectacle of yourself with a boy young enough to be your brother?

Did you know earrings on men are a bit past it now dear? It smacks of desparation dear. Most of the young men I know have removed their earrings, and have let a 'worm' inhabit the piercing.

I often like to look at costume dramas and play 'spot the earring piercing' with the men of about 30-40 years of age. There are so many who sported a hooped earring at some time in their life. It did not go so well with Regency or Edwardian garb, but there it is. It keeps me amused.

Now..................hedgehog stew. It has its advantages dear. You can eat the meat, and then pick our a quill and use it as a toothpick.

Unlike that formidible Miss Close, who made rabbit stew!!!!!

Cherry please be careful dear.
The Romanies are very near............
But they will go and pack away
Will you ride with them at the break of day?

William S..........................move over.

Auntie Petunia

I cannot tell a lie Petunia dear, so I shall plead the Fifth Amendment. Where I spent the night, and with whom, shall remain a closely guarded secret but I do not need to chase young men who are young enough to be my baby brother. Nor was it Grandpapa, he's not rich enough.

Yes I have seen those horrid "worms" in peoples ears and have not yet worked out any satisfactory reason for these mutilations. Its like the youth of today are going back to stone age body decor, next we shall see them sporting bones in their noses, their heads swaying on giraffe necks.

Ah yes, Miss Close the bunny boiler.

I know how to make a rabbit stew. You take its carrot away !! :-D :-D :-D

Good evening ladies, pardon my absence but I have been trailing the Romany caravans.

As you know I am not a physical person, and had to used the motor on the tuk-tuk to chase the procession.

I first became suspicious when the noise of Pat-trish-aaaaah's clod-hopping feet did not resound on the Parlour ceiling. It was uncannily quiet.

Not being one to stand on ceremony I toddled up to her flat and found it locked. Never daunted, I used the duplicate key and let myself in.

What a mess it was. There were clothes all over the floor and the bed, shoes thrown hither and thither, and a piggy bank with a knife sticking out of its slot.

Pinned very firmly on the inside of the door was a note [how did she know I would go up there?]

Dear Grandmama,

As much as I love living with you, I feel my life has stagnated somewhat of late. It is for the reason that I am going to join the caravan, and travel with them. I have taken my savings, and a few nick-nacks from the cabinet in the Parlour, and intend to use them to fund myself over the next few days. I hope you understand.

Please do not try to find me, it is time for me to make a life of my own.

With much love
Patricia.


Well, what could I do? Apart from running downstairs and making an inventory of the contents of the cabinet in the parlour! The missing items included a Georgian silver creamer, a Victorian tea set, also in silver. A George Cross awarded to Papa for his time in India. A VC awared to Grandpapa for his time in the Boer War. Plus various bits and pieces of gold jewellery I had given to Pat-trish-aaaaah for posterity from the Heirloom Box. Ooooooh, I am most vexed.

I caught up with them at Newport Pagnell, and stopped the procession. To their credit they did not know she had stowed away in the back of one of their wagons, and duly handed her over.

I hope the journey back to Motie Towers cooled her ardour and gave her something to think about. Apart from the reason why the motor was not working on the tuk-tuk. She was moaning about her legs aching as he gallumped upstairs to her room and I heard the thud as she fell onto the bed! Tutty tut.

Why can I not have a simple easy life like other folks? There is always something amiss.

I shall change my avatar again tonight ladies, tell me what you think.

Putting everything back into the cabinet, and locking it securely
Auntie Petunia

I say, what a lovely photygraph Petunia. Very fetching indeed.

I suggest you give that great galump - Patrishhhaaaa, a great big wack around the ears :-S. Don't listen to those do gooders who say we musn't smack our children... Sometimes brute force is called for :-D. What ever happened to a nice quiet life in ones 'golden years'???
By the by, I presume your treasures returned home also?. :-0.

Well, we are nearly at the end of May, soon June will be knocking and that means Winter is nearly here.. Ba humbug :-P. The leaves are still falling - I am over the gorgeous colours of Autumn. My Oh is going to attack some rather large trees in the garden, we lose too much Winter sun. I shall have to supervise - I only want a leeetle bit trimmed off the offending trees :-(.

I am too entertain friends to dinner on Saturday evening. I have found a lovely recipe for slow cooked beef - Italian style. So, out will come my red and white checked table cloth, and voila ( or the Italian equivalent), we shall be in a little trattoria ( in my dreams). A Lemoncello mousse for afters :-). Interestingly, the gravy off the slow cooked beef, is served over pasta as an entree, then the meat is served with vegetables... *** hoping my efforts will resemble the pictures in the recipe book *** :-D.

By the by Petunia, does a Romany caravan have the plastic on the seating like what I saw on MBFGW? :-D..... Yuk indeed... Believe it or not, I did see such a caravan here last week, silly owner had three horses abreast. Our roads are not wide enough to entertain a slow moving vehicle with three horses... The caravan was adorned with a huge flag bearing the Star of David.

~~~~~ to CC, Teresa, Lesley and peeps. How are tricks? ;-)

Time to throw the bangers in the oven, I am starving.

Toodle pip

My goodness Ladies, this all sounds a little like a Mills and Boon publication, Send Patrishaaaaa down to me. I have much to keep her occupied for a couple of weeks. She can start on the never ending pile of washing and ironing while I go to paid toil for some sanity. She can also encourage FTY with his GCSE revision and periodic table. There is much housework also to be done.

I have solved the world problem of the shortage of toilet roll. FTE is using it at an alarming pace. OH used to blame me but in the past 7 months useage has been less. I fear I will need Mr Fixer soon to unblock the blessed bog if things do not settle down :-S :-S :-S :-S :-S :-S

I am sorry of all the mishaps at your horspiddle Cherry dear. I feel it is a problem which troubles us all. Our GP surgery tried a new system but has gorn back to the old one. I know not how things could be improved except for 24 hr opening time like our great and good supermarkets. Now I wonder if Dave n Nick would think that a good idea ;-)

FTE went on some loverly trips on her travels. She has made lots of new friends and is enjoying ship life. She is orff again in a couple of weeks or so for another six months. I will fill you in at some stage but have a pile of ironing again to do and several chores.

Toodle pip for now


~~~~~~~~ to Auntie, Cherry Susan Lesley and all our guests

Teresa :-D

oh heavens to betsey

Pat rish aaaaah of all people doing a runner with the Romany caravans when they moved on. Hitch em up, roll em out. The first thought that occurred to me when I heard this news was : now who on earth is going to wait on dear Petunia hand and foot, and dont look at me.

So I am much relieved to hear that the gel is back in her quarters, along with the Mortimer family heirlooms which will be Pat rish aaaah's inheritance one day in any event.

Petunia dear do you mean to tell us that you pedalled the tuktuk YOURSELF ??? all the way to Newport Pagnell ?? Well, I never did. And dont forget where you hide the key to the cabinet - would you like me to take care of it for you?

~~~~~~~~ to Teresa and Susan, and dont work too hard ladies. Unlike Petunia, you do not have a Pat rish aaaaah in your lives to make your existence easier.

*
No Pat rish aaaaah please dont speak to me like that, whether or not your Grandmamma is here. It wasnt me who tipped her the nod about you sneaking off on the middle of the night. I rather suspect she heard your hobnail boots clattering down the staircase disturbing Tricki Woo.

What??

You are bored?

I have a cure for boredom. If you havent any work to do, I can find you some .........

Ladies.............................a very good evening to you all.

Did you have hailstones this morning? We did, the size of half-crowns. Good job I was indoors, it would have had my eye out!!!!!

I can hear Pat-trish-aaaah upstairs, so I know she is still locked, erm, lazing in her room. I am at a loss with that gel, she is so, erm, so contrary at times.

No Susan, the caravan I saw was very brightly coloured and festive, it made me wish that I had one at the end of the garden, just so I could go and sit in it.

Winter setting in? I feel our winter has not yet gone. We are due to have a very damp Bank Holiday, typical!!!!

Do you really want to take Pat-trish-aaaah off my hands dear Teresa? She is fully housetrained, and willing. But of course you know that, from when she stayed with you before. Although I must say I was none to pleased last time she returned from yours. She was shorn, slathered in make-up and wearing very unsuitable clothes. If you can promise to rein her in this time, I could maybe send her................

Cherry!!!!!!!! I am very hurt that you would think I would ask you to wait on me hand and foot!!!! Have I ever asked you for anything but your company dear? Come, come, if I want waiting on, I only have to ring my little bell on the table in the Parlour, and Mrs Berry's oldest, Holly, comes running. Such a naice young gel, I think I shall give her some pocket money for helping our her Mama. Do you think that £10 a week for a 10 hour week is suitable? She is only setting the table, and bring the food upstairs from the kitchen.............

Nooooo, dear of course I did not pedal to Newport Pagnall, I have said before that we are now motorised, and I turned on the juice. Of course I turned it back off again when we were coming home!!!!

Night night gels...........

Auntie Petunia

Well here I am ......... I must say Petunia dear that I do like your new ensemble. The hat is ..... something else. Wow !!

I didnt see any hail this morning but it has poured with rain all day, and the silly cat stayed out in the rain rather than come in because I have the decorator in.

I seem to have missed something. When did Holly Berry join our merry little throng at Motie Towers? Its nice to know that you have found another skivv errrrrrr willing little helper and no doubt Mrs Berry will be glad that Holly has found something constructive to do with her free time. In my day, gels that age spent their free time in the classroom writing little notes to pass along to their friends at adjoining desks.

As you can see, I have not come alone. I have brought my dear friend Lady Gunne-Downe with me this afternoon. Her first names are Tryphena Tryphosa but she likes to be known as Lady Gunne-Down. After dinner, I shall be giving her a guided tour of all the wings that comprise Motie Towers. The West Wing, North Wing, South Wing, East Wing, and the Parrots Wing. This includes the Attic rooms but excludes That Wardrobe.

Lady Gunne-Downe, might I introduce you to Miss Petunia Mortimer, property owner and our esteemed hostess. Also, dear Susan the Antipodean, Lesley, Teresa, and our band of invisible readers. Pat rish aaaah might be down later on, and this little urchin is Holly Berry the daughter of the Cook. Yes that bundle of scruffy fur is a dog, and shall I ring for a tea tray and throw another log on the fire ?

Good evening ladies,

Ah delighted to meet you Lady Gunne-Downe, are you one of the Hampshire Gunne-Downes, or the Norfolk Gunne-Downes? I seem to remember some scandal with the Norfolk tribe, was it not one of your family that became a bit too familiar with a certain family at Sandringham?

One does not like to gossip but if you are freeloading with a cream tea, a guided tour and a bed for the night, I think I can ask whatever I please!

Why are you standing behind Tryphena with your finger on your lips, and making a waving motion with the other hand, Cherry dear? Are you trying to tell me something dear?

Ah here comes little Holly, what a treasure she is...............pretty as a picture and as bright as a button. Amazing how dexterous these young gels can be, she can carry two cups of tea at the same time, and the Lazy Susan in her teeth!

Would you like a scone dear Trypehound? Oh, sorry Tryphena dear, a slip of the tongue, like your Uncle Pucha. Was he of Scandanavian extraction dear? Or did he just have a miserable time as school? There cant be very many children with the name Pucha Gunne-Down can there?

No, no, Cherry you carry on with your entertaining, and I shall see you later. Much later. I will put your friend in the Lilac Room, it is north-facing, so there will be no sun in there at all. Oh dear, the portable heater still has no plug on it, and we are no good with electrics. I am sure we can find a stone hot water bottle if needed, or a copper warming pan.........................if not, then I will place Trickey Woo in there for an hour or so.

#walks off down the corridor#

I dont know, but I seem to know that face from somewhere, I know Cherry is always alert when I seem to get stung by confidence tricksters, but I am sure I have seen that face on Crimewatch........................

Off to consult the Hi-Player
Auntie Petunia

ssshhhhssshhhh please Petunia dear

*waves arms frantically*

Lady Gunne-Downe is from Suffolk, so nothing to do with the Norfolk Gunne-Downes who liaised with a certain family from Sandringham. She certainly isnt related to Pucha Gunne-Downe. If she looks familiar its because she resembles that woman whose husband lost his ........ no, I cannot repeat gossip and anyway the tabloids will say anything to sell the papers. But rest assured, Lady Gunne-Downe's ancestry is highly respectable. Her papa, who was the Duke of Earl, kept a steeple chaser, and it wasnt his fault the horse raced up a church steeple. The verger recovered and that is all that matters. Her mama was one of The Belfrey Batts. But Lady Gunne-Down has fallen on hard times now, and I bumped into her beneath the railway arches where the brazier keeping her warm was burning low, and I knew you would all make her welcome here at Motie Towers with the warm log fires keeping the chill off the rooms, and even warmer hospitality. I think even the Lilac Room, chilly though it can be, will be warmer than it was underneath the arches.

Dont worry about the way she stares at you, she stares that way at everyone. And I shall start the Guided Tour of the Towers as soon as we have had our tea. Dont worry Petunia dear, we shall return in time for dinner. Lady Gunne-Downe's diet is so strict, she hasnt eaten for three days, so she will bring a hearty appetite to your dinner table.

oh my dears, I just have to share this with you.

I have today received a letter from Tesco, sending me a GIFT with NO STRINGS ATTACHED !!! They sent a voucher worth £6.50 in clubcard points. I repeat - no strings attached. How wonderful.:-) :-) Surely the fact that I can only spend this voucher in their store, and no where else, is an attached string ????? :-D :-D :-D

Well didnt last night go with a swing. Lady Gunne-Downe admired the attic rooms very much. I steered her away from That Wardrobe of course. What an amazing table companion she turned out to be. I am a little concerned however that she did not spend the night in the Lilac Room, because there was no sign of her this morning when breakfast was served. But I noticed more footsteps in the dust on the staircase leading to the attic rooms .............