General Chat

Petunia dear may I say that you look an absolute picture in that wonderful outfit you have donned for the deb ball.

[*thinks* The Scream by Edvard Munch comes to mind]

no one else in the world looks as you look today. There is no doubt about it, all eyes will be on you as you make your entrance.

Did you ever imagine years ago when you were a giddy young gel that you would end your days as a chaperone? but who exactly are you chaperoning? I trust its not the (dis)Honorable Trudy Windowes, that gel has a voice like breaking glass and a reputation to go (and then some).

Well I managed to squeeze those two new Whimsies into the cabinet, but it wont hold any more I fear. Dont worry about the weight, dear, the wall isnt bulging out, just take no notice of the drop-down of the ceiling or the slight lowering of the floorboards in that corner.

Now, do stop pinching your cheeks dear, or people will think you are wearing rouge. Try dabbing a little beetroot juice on your lips. And get some ash out of the grate to darken your eyelashes with. But leave the bella donna alone, it might brighten the whites of your eyes in the short term but does no good in the long term. And when you attend the ball, if the evening is warm I recommend gravy browning on your legs should you run out of stockings.


Teresa dear, as your Fruit and his Friends have no scooters of their own, please can I send those brats and their toy scooters over to you? It sounds as though you have more patience than I do these days. When I got home from the supermarket I decided to leave my car parked right at the front edge, to make it harder for them. Of course this means I must go outside before bedtime to pull the car right back for the night. Sigh.

In my dear little Alice Blue Gown, la la la la.......................

Thank you dear, I shall take your compliment in the spirit in which it was given...................grudgingly!!!!

Thank you dears for your support, I shall be supervising three gels, indeed Trudie Windows, Anna Macasser and Diddie Doooet. Strong high spirited gels, with chins the size of dear Brucie, and teeth in need of orthodontics. But they are well connected and are Old Money. So they will not be short of admirers. So to speak.

Susan dear, never plan........................things always go wrong when you plan.

Cherry dear, I shall keep an eye on that wall, it is certainly starting to bow. I shall get the oddjob man to bung a couple of rawplugs into the wall. I dont want the lathe and plaster to come poking through.

Teresa, just console yourself that you only have another, ooooooh, 10 or so years before you get your fruits well and truly off your hands.

Now, I shall be posting a new avatar soon dears, to give you an idea of what I shall be wearing, I am posing with Tweetie Pie.

Steaming my ensemble with Teresa's steamer. Thank you dear.
Auntie Petunia

Oh me, oh my, what a mixed day yesterday was :-S,

It was my fruits birthday, as she had an out of town job, I took a day off work and went with her for a days outing. We had a nice luncheon and did a bit off shopping. Got home around 4pm, terrible wet weather here by the by, to find pup had got out of theirs, visited ours. Managed to get into our bin and find a few scraps. I found the evidence in our garden along with slug bait packaging..... Fruit and her OH took the pup to the Vets. They sedated pup and managed to get her to throw up, apparently quite a volume (good sign), she was kept in overnight with the Vet telling fruit there were no guarantees re pups survival :-D... Many tears were shed as you can imagine... The Vet rang fruit later last night to say he was happier with the pup and she should be ok, OMG, the relief.
Fruit has another trip out of town today but will visit her baby very soon. Hopefully pup can come home this afternoon if well enough....
The pellets were in my gardening trug which was in the carport...... Said trug will be given a new home toute suite...

I cannot fathom how one would cope losing a child, nearly losing a much loved pet is bad enough.

Not such a nice birthday for my fruit. Today is one year since pup was adopted from the rescue centre..... A second homecoming today hopefully :-).

Needless to say, today can only be a better day than yesterday. I am hoping to go with a friend to a nearby towns Floral Art show. I need to finish work on time or early ;-).

Back another day, hope you are all well?.


a very relieved Susan :-)

Petunia dear I could not believe my eyes ..... I was assisting Mr Simon Templar earlier during his attempts to outwit some very bad men and bamboozle the police, when I saw a lady who could have been your twin sister, she was a headmistress at a gels school somewhere in Switzerland, she looked like you, she sounded like you, she even had your mannerisms and tendency to say things like chop chop. The only thing she didnt have was your pince nez, and Pat rish aaaaaah.

I remember the paternal aunt of Anna Macassar. She was known to one and all as Auntie Macassar.

I must say, steaming your outfit with Teresa's steamer has taken out all the wrinkles and creases. Do you think this would work on my aged crumpled wrinkled birthday suit?

I'm so sorry Susan to hear of the nasty shock you've had today and I do hope that Pup pulls through 100%. Our pets are our children, albeit furry ones, and they will get themselves into all sorts of mischief, just like two-legged children. Dogs more so than cats. At least your quick thinking re the slug packaging meant that Pup got to the vets in time so well done you.

Ladies I found a way to solve an Idle Moment ......... not that I get many idle moments.

I was at school in the 19**s .... errrr ..... a very long time ago, with a classmate who was one of those children who doesnt have a mean bone in their body, I remember she was always very nice to me. Her parents moved and took her away from the school but I never forgot. I dare say she doesnt remember me because it turns out she's led a very interesting life.. She ran away from home when she got into her teens and this event made the national press. Ah yes, I remember eeet well !!

The other day, I was in one of my "I wonder what happened to ....." moods and in an idle moment I googled her name and to my surprise I found the picture of her that was splashed over the newspapers, as well as pictures of an older her, and a couple of features about her life. It seems she became a minor celebrity, got on Top Of The Pops a few times, and inspired a songwriter to pen a hit number about her, I know the song well but when it was first in the charts I didnt know it had been written with this girl in mind.

And someone else I was at school with (we were friends from age 8, for about 7 years) married a man who did very well for himself, he started a business which became successful and which they eventually sold for a fancy profit, and they now live in a mansion which is situated in a private road. Its amazing what you can find out about people, when you poke around the internet. Then again - some people say far too much about themselves on social networking sites.

I've no plans to contact either of these people, I'm not in their league. But my idle moment has solved two "I wonder what happened to ....." cases. And its another two notches for my Claims To Fame belt .... :-D :-D :-D ;-) ;-) ;-)

Oh Susan, dear, I hope all is well now. I was in such a tizzy with my own arrangements I did not read your post properly. So sorry dear.

Who is this mysterious gel then dear Cherry? Is she a household name? Does she know the price of fish? Can she rent us a room in her mansion?

I have used the steamer for my face dear, it has freshened my complexion a little, but has not made the wrinkles disappear. It has however brought all the London dirt rushing to the surface, not a pretty sight. It is like the silt left behind when the tide goes out. I feel positively grimy now.

I feel the decolettage of the dress could do with a tidy up, so have been to my favourite haberdashers today, for some new silk flowers, I shall sew them on myself tonight, I have a dainty hand. Last time Pat-trish-aaaah did a piece of sewing for me, she used blanket stitch. So common!!!!

I am looking forward to taking my charges Anna, Trudie and Diddie to the Ball on Saturday. I remember when I was a gel, it was protocol to mark ones card with gentleman's names for the dances, I think that has all changed now. I also think the Language of the Fan has dropped from favour too. How coy we were then.

I am teaching the gels to flirt gently by looking delicately under their eyelashes, it bodes well not to be too forward. One does not like a fast gel. She is no better than she should be...............................

Looking for the pomade
Auntie Petunia

As I have no contact with any of my old school friends Petunia dear, I cannot ask the lady in question if she has a spare room in her mansion but I suspect she might have several spare rooms. Why do you ask? were you thinking of moving out of Motie Towers?

oh ..... oh .... oh ....... ooooooooh - were you thinking of asking ME to move out of Motie Towers? Oh Petunia, surely not, dear. As you know dear I was well house trained by my dear lady Mama, I even wash my hands after checking my ears for potatoes. And I am sooooo settled in here. I have even come to a mutual understanding with Pat rish aaaaah. We avoid each other like the plague, and it works remarkably well.

So, what is the price of fish? Is it as long as a length of string?

Ah yes, fans. I dont use my fan to be coy. My fan is fanned to help me cope with those warmer moments which some of us ladies suffer from interminably and endlessly, and which I think are going to worsen now the milder days are here and only going to get hotter.

What is the speed of a fast gel? Does she do 10 mph, or does she go like a locomotive?

I must say, you are doing a very nice job of stitching those silk flowers onto your decolletage. One will never know you have a cleavage.

*hides sampler I was working on with blanket stitch*

Calm down dear, do not get your stays in a flap dear, of course I am not asking you to move out #thinks. goodness knows I have dropped enough hints, if you cannot take them, then you have a hide like an elephant# You know that this house is yours to live in rent free for as long as you like dear....................it is lovely to have someone who keeps me up all night with her warbling along to synchopated music of a dubious kind.

I appreciate your want to be discreet about your schoolchum dear, and I am sorry I even ventured to mention it. The price of cod is rising weekly dear, such is the fishing rights that dictate to the fishmonger Mr Haddock. And as we have discussed before dear, the length of a piece of string is only as long as it would be allowed to be, should it befall some catastrophe. Phew!!!!

I dont think we should speculate about fast gels dear. And as for asking if she goes like a train.......................well, I think most of the old boilers have been sent to the scrap yard years ago. Does the Flying Scotsman still run? Doodle it for me dear.

I am so pleased that you admired my delicate stitches dear. I was always admired for my herringbone stitch. One likes to have some accomplishments when one does not actually work. Perish the thought. I used to do the same with my bonnets, when the silk flowers looked 'tired' I always bought new trimmings to make it attractive again.

Now, come on dear, what are you hiding behind your back? Dont back into the corner dear, let me see. Come, come dear, you are not a child............................of a sampler................now what does it say?

Oh Cherry........................................................how COULD you?

Affronted
Auntie Petunia

how kind you are with your reassurances Petunia dear, it is such a relief to know that I can continue residing in Motie Towers. I think you would miss me more than you think you would, were I to return home to CC World. Who else would bring you camomile tea in the evenings, after your friends have returned to their abodes and their husbands, after Pat rish aaaah has retired to her suite of rooms for the night.

I am surprised that you can hear me singing in the night, because I only whisper along to the personal CD player which makes no noise at all with the headphones plugged in. I have to sing myself to sleep doncha know, my dear late Papa used to sing me to sleep when I was a small child and one does get into habits.

Ah yes, the school chums I once knew, a long long time ago when God was a lad and before sliced bread. Well, we have not been school chums for many years now, and so it would not be fair to name names. But Nosebook and Fiends Reunited has been very informative ...... ;-) And this is why I locked my Nosebook account right down and wont network, and I never scribble on Walls.

I believe the Flying Scotsman does not run any longer, because there was some trouble with the kilt flapping in the breeze ....... :-D ;-)

You know, you really shouldnt read what other people stitch into their samplers. Especially as some words have two meanings and many spelling variants. I venture to suggest it is really a case of 'all in the mind' ..... but the devil made me do it :-D ;-)

Rises above the feeble excuses, I KNOW what I saw...............................

Good evening ladies, what a non-descript day it has been. Just a milk of magnesia sky all day. How very boring.

I am still whipping the gels into shape, and what delight they have been, such lovely young things are Trudie, Diddie and Anna. Such malleable things, I shall imprint my propriety into them if it is the last thing I do.

We are being taken to a Hotel in Park Lane, dontcha know, and after our din-dins, there will be music and dancing. I remember that last time I was there, I was in conversation with a certain Major with redhair, and was warned off. I am sure you will remember that Cherry dear, you said he was a bit of a bounder, and when we met again in Brighton, you told me to give him a flea in his ear.

I shall be organising the little ones next Tuesday, for, as your know tis St Georges Day. We will be taking them from school to church for a service of celebration, and then have a high tea, and fun and games. They will then have a commemorative mug to take home with them. I have designed the mug myself, and I must say I am very pleased with the results. It features George and the Dragon. The printer did phone me however, and ask if I wanted a 'proper knight and dragon' or a composite of Sid James and Peggy Mount. Whatever could he have meant?

Puzzles, but busy, always busy
Auntie Petunia

*leaps up and down in excitement*
I know .... I know ,,,,!!! George & The Dragon was a TV show many years ago starring Peggy Mount and I think David Kossoff.

Good evening ladies, and invisible readers. Such a shame the gentlemen dropped out.

Petunia dear do beware of that red headed Major. Having said that, you might be "safe" as you are a tad too mature to let him father one of your children who would have to spend the rest of their life walking around looking the spitting image of him. Perhaps a few hours in the Major's company would not hurt you personally, although you have your reputation to consider and he could besmirch that. We are who we consort with.

I really do not know why you are in such high dudgeon over my sampler. You should never have snatched it from me to read - look at the bruises all over my poor dainty hands. The wording is quite innocuous, I vow - you read it upside down. If turned the right way around, the sampler states something completely different - and I must reiterate ..... it is "all in the mind". Anyway, I heard Octavia whisper it under her breath !!!

You will find Trudie Diddie and Anna very hard work. I heard tell that their own regal Mamas gave up and told their respective maids "you talk to the gel, I cant do a thing with her". Do be careful, dear - they could imprint their impropriety on you !!

Me thinks the lady doth protest too much, I know what I saw, without my pince-nez and it aint whistling dixie! However, I shall rise above it..............................

The preparations for this evening have begun in earnest. And I must admit Ernest was none too pleased about being turfed out of the bathroom.

I have been bathed, buffed and pampered to within an inch of my life by dear Pat-trish-aaaaaah. Someone mentioned waxing, but the only type I have is the red stick that I use on the back of envelopes. The seal I use has been in the family for years, and includes the family crest. However the seal has been returned to Regents Park and the crest stitched back onto the cockatoo. I digress.

I must say that new cream from the company named after a bird that lives in a cote, is jolly good. It smells divine and leaves no greasy feel on the skin. I must say I have a little shimmer on my arms, that will look very alluring in candlelight.

The dress has been hanging in the daylight all day, so the moths have taken flight, and my hair has been dressed with pomade, and a few feathers have been delicately poked into my chignon.

My stays have been tightened, and my new shoes have been scuffed on the soles so that I do not fall flat on my face, so I think apart from stepping into my ballgown................I am ready to go.

I have been listening to The King and I, to get my into the dancing mood.

Soooo.......................one two three....................one two three..........................

Swaying in time with the music
Auntie Petunia

after the ball is over
see her take out her glass eye
stand her false leg in the corner
lock up the bottle of dye .....

put her false teeth in the glass
and hang up her hair on the wall
and all that is left goes to bye-byes
after the ball ..... !!

I could have danced all night, I could have danced all night, and still have begged for more.....................................

Oh ladies what a lovely time I had.................I may have been a chaperone to the three gels, but I managed to have to time for my life.

I must say the private tuition I had many years ago, from the original Arthur Murray was money well spent.

I took part in the Gay Gordons, The Military Two Step, the Viennese Waltz, and the Tango. None of the Argentian rubbish, just the original.

I made a few old men very happy, we may be a bit slower than we used to be, but nevertheless I can still hold my own. And I can still hold onto a piece of male shoulder for dear life. Just imagine a young gel entering a nunnery and she has one last night of freedom, and that is me...............................

I even went outside onto the balcony with one elderly gent. He was very anxious to show me the Plough. Ah the constellation I thought to myself, but no................it was an actual plough that he had brought up from the country to assist an old friend turn over his allotment. Who would have thought.

I have also managed to recruit a few males to join us ladies for a rubber of Bridge now and again. How nice it is to be treated like a lady again. I must say it has been a great many years since I was the object of rapt attention, but I could feel the blush rising from my bosom and into my cheek.

Dear Mama used to sing that song Cherry dear, but she sang about Johnnie taking out his glass eye..................I had almost forgotton what a wheeze that song it.

I am sorry I have had to insist on quiet in the house up until now, but that elderflower cordial was particular strong last night. Quite how I got to bed is a puzzle, but I am still in my stays and drawers, so someone must have put me to bed.

Ooooh, I say, I can smell roast beef cooking, I could eat a horse, I am so famished, I may even go and ask Pat-trish-aaaah to carve a piece from the joint so that I can have a meat sandwich. Common I know, but I am starved..................

Sniffing the air like the Bisto kid
Auntie Petunia

Petunia ssshhhhhh please - the whole area all the way up to Glasgow knows you had a good time last night. PC Constable brought you home, and Pat rish aaaah assisted you to bed although PC Constable actually carried you up the stairs. I think someone slipped something into your elderflower cordial when you werent looking, you look a little peaky dear although you are clearly still in high spirits, or is that the gin or the whisky or Madame Arcati?

I hear that Gordon is not so gay tonight, his feet are recovering from doing the Military Two Step with you.

At least the elderly gentleman only wanted to show you his plough and not his etchings.

I have finally figured out a way to get your garden dug over for free. That diamond heist was never solved, so I am going to tell the police that the diamonds are hidden in your vegetable plot. They will really turn the soil over, ready for the next potato season. It will never occur to them to check the strange pebbles on the wall .......

Who is coming to play Bridge dear? I've never been invited to join you for a game. Then again there are only four positions, north, south ,east and west, and On Top. Or will you be running more than one table dear? I hope no one gets mysteriously killed dear, will you be inviting Monsieur Poirot?

#Blusters, and coughs and splutters#

Oh Cherry, how could you dear. I was perfectly sober when I came home on Saturday night, I could not possibly have been tiddly when I was only drinking elderflower cordial. Mind you..................that last one did have a bit of a tang to it. Thank goodness I got home in one piece. I remember getting into a taxi with the gels, and being sat on the back seat, the window must have been open as I remember a cold breeze as we sped towards Marble Arch. Do you know, I thought it was the Arc de Triomphe? Silly me.

Then it all became a bit fuzzy, and then I remember waking up in my own bed.

So it was Constable Constable that saw me to the door, thank goodness it was not Sargeant Sargeant. He is a really miserable officer, so sense of humour at all.

Yes, dear, I have made new friends and they will be coming around for a hand of bridge. I have two card tables, so if you want to join in, either Bridge or Canasta, we will be more than pleased to have you play with us. However, I have to tell you that Mr Bun the Baker does not feature in either game.

On another tact, the preparations for St Georges Day are well under way. The local children are making crowns from cardboard for the day, their Mamas have been busy baking cakes and making jellies, and I have enlisted the help of the local secondary school to make a paper mache dragon. So it will be a jolly affair.

Now all we need is a really strapping individual to wear the dragon and take part in the tableau. Now who do I know who is like brick build outside convenience?

erm....................................Pat-trish-aaaaaaah!!!!!!!

Toodle Pip
Auntie Petunia

yes well Petunia dear, my little sampler is cancelled out by your merry mayhem after the ball was over ......... :-D ;-) :-D ;-)

and here I am in Park Lane, curious about the venue of the weekend. There are some buildings in Park Lane which allegedly house "secret goings on" and I am suspicious about some of the details of that party.

Ah here is the house, my word it does look swanky. Heavy velvet drapes (I wont say curtains) at all the windows, and a commissionaire dressed in a tight velvet suit with froggings, but such a rough common face that man has. Oh there is a brass plate affixed to the wall, I wonder what it says. There is a name. Heidi Fl..... oh it cannot possibly be *that* Heidi !! By all accounts she is a right madam .......

Oh Petunia, what have you gone and done now ....... !!!

Goodness me Ladies,

I cannot leave you for a minute without a strange things occuring.

In the last six days between paid toil I have been visiting a recital with a few songs and a musical concert. Hows that for a bit of culture ;-)

That naice gentleman walker Suggs (without his good gentleman friends) entertain3d us with his one man show. We took FTY along to see the great man. The evning was vwry good and if dear Suggs should no longer be a nutty boy then he should do stand up. He was so funny :-D

We also hithered last night to see another naice bunch of young ish Gents, Simple Minds. Mr Kerr and co were as ever beillllllliant. However a mosh pit of sweaty 40 somthing blokes singing the anthems of Jim was a little too much especially as I was right in the middle of it all :-D

Orff now but back later

Yours with a sore throat and ringing ears

Teresa :-D

Good evening dears, I am not at home at present, but I shall explain all later..................

Teresa dear, we were worried about you.........you are working and playing too hard. Yes the Mr Suggs is known to me, he lives down the road and around the corner. I am not a fan, but I know of a young pair, a boy and a gel, who used to dance around to his tunes many years ago. They played the CDCDCD at full blast. I am pleased you enjoyed yourself dear, all work................well you know the rest.

Now Cherry, what are you doing walking around Soho after dark? I have no idea where you have been dear, I went to a very swanky hotel on Park Lane. You seem to have visited an American persons house, of, well dubious nature. Did you see anyone there that we should know about?

Back to the present, I am sitting in A and E of the local hospital with Pat-trish-aaah waiting for a scan.

As you know, she was inside the paper mache dragon for the children to re-enact St George and the Dragon.

However, as there was no sight for her, expect for the nostrils, she managed to go head over heels and ended up in a crumpled heap, with the tail embedded in her.............well you dont want to know.

The ambulance arrived, the poor paramedics found it hilarious, and dropped her twice getting her into the vehicle. We wizzed down to the local hospital and he was left on a trolley on her tummy, until the triage nurse came to assess her.

There was a succession of nurses, doctors and all manner of staff who came to view the spectacle of a lumpy woman, with a dragons tail....................well imagine as best you can.

The tail has been removed, but we need to make sure there is no damage to tissue, so we are waiting for the staff to stop gossipping long enough to get her in there.

Talking on the Bloooooooberry of course dears, and have just been told to turn it off.

Pi.........................................

Goodness me, poor Patrish aaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Now i do hope that the scan showed the place of damage where the tail was :-S :-S :-S :-S :-S :-S

Dear Mr Suggs, I was just leaving school when he and the clan first came to the attention of the great British public :-D How we loved them me and all the yoof on our estate :-D Evan Mamma and Pa liked them. My cousin had an 18th Birthday at that time and all night long it was the music of Suggs and other old and new Ska music. Happy days :-D

FTE is now orff the tour of the world and orff on a small jaunt to Europe across the sea and then orff to a slightly longer jaunt to the places of culture where the men are men and ice cream is yummy :-D and then she is home for a spell at home before sailing orff again.

Teresa