General Chat

Hi anyone
My half sister got my letter today, she phoned mine as I put my number on the letter, I wasn't at home so she left a message saying not to get in touch with my Birth mother it's very serious that I don't until she has spoken to me first. She said she would get in touch with me in the near future, my dilemma is, how long do I wait for her to get in touch again as my B M is not getting any younger and I don't want to leave it till it's to late and then end up regreting not haveing the chance to maybe see her. My B M's half brother has already offered to tell her that he is in touch with me and the only reason I have held back is I wanted to tell my half sister what I intended to do.
Oh god why are thing's so complicated, I have enough problem's going on at the moment, this is yet another one, why can't thing's be simple for once in my life.

Diane x

Hi Diane

Sent you a pm x

Hi Diane,
There seems to be a genuine reason why your HS wants you to wait a while .I would give it a few weeks and if you have not heard anything get back in touch with your HS.I don't know the situation but she should give you a reason why you shouldn't contact your BM.
I am not sure my BM would have wanted to meet me.She died in 1994 so I never had the opportunity.But in a way I am happy with that.I have a couple of photos of her and can find anything out I want to know from BB's
I hope it all works out for you.Do let us know how it goes.
Jane x

Hi Sheila
PM'ed you earlier, enjoy hol's hun

Hi Jane
sorry I didn't get back to you sooner but haven't been on the putta for 2dys, I will PM you as what I want to say is not for the board's hun.

Diane x

Look forward to your message Diane x

Oh Diane (((hug))) so feeling for you, so pleased Sheila and Jane are here for you.

I've moved, relocated ... engaged to William with Mistletoe but am here if you want my new tel number. I'm not 'up' to my pm box yet, not sure why, just can't get there.

Take care

xxx little big sis Shimms xxx

Hi Sheila, Jane ... do hope you're both well, will try to be on more. xxx

Hi Shimms,will catch up again soon on the phone.Give my love to Wills.

Hi Shimms {{{{ Big Hug Back }}}} Little big Sis

not been on the board's much for about 2wks, only this thread.
I e-mailed you about a week ago, but got no reply

You have my e-mail addy send me your new tel number please hun
I read on one of the thread's about your new's but wasn't up to posting, so I will say now on here congratulation's on your engagement and glad that you are happy again

Speak to you soon
Luv Diane xx {{{{{{ Big Little Sis }}}}}

Hi all
Just to bring you up to date,
Well did I get a reply from my HS or not?
I sure did and by god what a reply, talk about Jekyll and Hyde, if you had seen the post off her you would say she sounded nice. If you read the LETTER off her you wouldn't believe it was the same person, I didn't think some-one could be so bitter, angry and down right nasty." A lady " she is not E.G How dare you, how F****ing dare you, and that was because I said I wanted to tell her first that I intended to contact my BM. The rest off the letter mention thing's like " I should be grateful that my BM hadn't had an abortion and that I owed her my life, I just wish I could tell my HS what a wonderful life { I didn't have } just so she could see that she wasn't the only one who had problem's growing up, { as she took great pain's in relaying all the bad points in her life out to me in her letter } I have to say though, it sadden's me to think she is hurting so much for what ever the reason's. I couldn't begin to tell you all what I went through growing up, I can only say it has made me a stronger person, and the person I am now, which I hope is some-one with compassion and understanding of other people's live's
Some of you may think I did the wrong thing, and I accept we all have different idea's on that, I believe it was the right thing to do, I just now wish I hadn't found my HS and had allowed my Uncle to approach my BM on my behalf as he offered to do, but I was already in contact with my HS and felt I had to be loyal to her at the time, " LOYAL " after her letter to me this week I regret that decision.

Well now that I'v said that, I will now wait for my Uncle to get in touch and see what he think's is the best way forward, that being whether or not to go ahead and him tell my BM he is in touch with me or leave well alone and forget the journey I started in 1981 to contact my BM.
Well I think I'v waffled on enough for now ,

Take care all of you

Luv Diane xx

Hi Diane ,you know what I think.Have no more contact with HS and see what your Uncle says.
You know where I am .If you need to let off steam anytime !!
Love Jane xx

Hi Jane ~~~s
Yes hun that is the next step that I have chosen.
Must tell you this, saw a story in paper today { I only wanted to have a father } say's love child of Willie Carson, Quick flash through mind { only wanted to meet BM } LOL
I'm alright Jane, as I said to you when we spoke on Thursday I will continue on a different path if possible.

Take care
Luv Diane xx

Well ,as you know I never met my BM and have no idea who my father was.My siblings didn't know who their fathe.rs were either.the only thing I was told by a BB was that 2 of my HS had the same father and he was Sammy .........The Milkman LOL

I wonder how many time's that happen's Jane { milkman's } I mean LOL

Diane x

More than we realise I think Diane .Could be the postman of course LOL

Diane - so sad that you have had a bad letter from your h.sister. It is amazing that time and time again one reads of this sort of problem and reaction. If you read the postings on the After Adoption site, you will find the same thing over and over.

People say to use a go-between, but it seems to me that using a h.sibling go-between is often a bad choice. Even using so called 'professional' counsellors and intermediaries often does not work either.

When I traced my b.mother I did it entirely alone, and approached her entirely alone. I did it in a public place - shopping centre - having made sure that she had no-one with her either. I felt that our initial contact was strictly a private occasion, no-one else's business. It gave us both the chance to continue or walk away without having to explain ourselves to anyone. As it happened, though shocked and surprised, she was pleased, and after about six months of very tentative contact i.e. her ringing me when she was alone, she eventually got the courage to tell her daughter, my much younger half sister. I was also able to find her other children that she had not seen for 30 years - she was the 'bad' person in the divorce, - and reunited them with their mother.... thus she was able to know us all, and her grandchildren for a few years before she died.. ...

So, I would always advocate the DIY method of contact. I think, as the 'child ' one has the responsibility to tell one's birth parent(s) that one is still on this earth, and hopefully to tell them that one has a good life - not always possible of course - anything further after that is down to one's b.parent. ........If, for whatever reason, they cannot cope with continued contact at that time, then simply leave the door open, they may come back through later. Don't judge, and don't apologise. Just give the facts and hope...........you can't do more than that really.

Eileen
birth name
born 1944 - adopted 1946
found birth mother 1972, and other relatives and half siblings over the years. Sadly missed birth father, who died young and who had never given up hope himself, and told his subsequent children to go on looking, so no surprise for them when I turned up.
FINALLY - in May this year, found full sister, born 1945, and adopted separately. At last she had looked for her roots for the first time, and found that a message from me had been waiting for 15 years on the Govt. Adoption Contact Register. I had known about and looked for her for forty years..........we are having fun.

Hi Eileen
sorry not to answer sooner, but up the wall at the moment hun, I didn't use HS as go between, I found her through GR, did not set out to find her, my main reason for comeing on GR was to find my HB or anyone who knew the were about's of my BM. As thing's turned out I wish I'd never found her, I have also found my BM's HB and we are in contact with each other by E-mail and phone. He offered to tell my BM he was in contact with me but I asked him not to at that time, my reason for this was I didn't want to be dis-loyal to my HS and rock the boat. Well that was a waste of time and being considerate to her feeling's as she definitly wasn't at all considerate to my feeling's when she wrote her letter to me, in fact just the opposite. I have never known some-one to be less compassionate toward's a person they don't really know.

Will wait now to see what Uncle think's
Diane x

Diane,I don't know if I said,but I was given the address of my HS and phone number.I rang and spoke to her 16 year old daughter who was very excited that her mum had a HS and 2 HBs.She even said Oh you are my Aunty Jane.Her mum was out then ,so I wrote a long letter explaining who I was and my age and when I was adopted etc.But she never replied.Nor did she contact my HB who had rung her.She obviously has her reasons which I understand.I am not upset or angry.That is her choice.Another HB I have has not been told about me ,I have no way of getting in touch with him so will never meet him.
My OH has a sister who was made to look after him when he was 3 when their Mum died.She ran away and left OH on his own and his Father found him.She was only 15 and I think had a lot of pressure put on her.My OH says he doesn't have a sister!!!!! When I met him I thought he was an only child.......His cousin let the cat out of the bag about his sister .Even to this day he still says he has no sister.
Sometimes we will never know the reasons why people do not want to know.
I think your Uncle will know the right thing to do where your BM is concerned,so fingers crossed .
There we go ,I have rabbited on again LOL,but it is such an intreiging (sp) subject.,and a complicated one at that .

Jane I have only just read your last post I don't know how I missed it. Mind you I say that but after are talk the other night I felt quite down, not because of are talk hun it was all that is going on in my life at the moment other than what we discussed.
I have day's were I just want to run away from all that is going on other than the situation of my BM and HS. I can't explain my other worries hun they are too personnal, only that they have nothing to do with the past they are to do with my life now.
I enjoyed are talk and thank you for being so patient with me, by the way as I am not quite myself I need to ask, what doe's the little { sp } mean, I can't figure it out { thick or what }.
Well hun I must be off to bed, look at the time I am posting this and I am up for work at 7am
take care

Diane xx

Hi Diane, Jane, Eileen everyone

Diane, (sp) means spelling ... we use it if not sure if it's spelt correctly.

It's such an emotional roller coaster isn't it ... many of us have had happy outcomes, many of us have ... well, not quite so happy yet I give thanks that I am in touch with almost everyone here.

I've 'walked' away for the moment. The HS I found is looking after her OH who is not at all well, my other half-siblings, well ... it was beginning to take over my life and emotions so I looked around and gave thanks for what I had. I too have things going on at the moment but am here if anyone needs me.

Take care, always remember that you ... everyone here and everyone else are special.

xxx Shimms xxx

Hi Shimms, Jane, Eileen Sheila and anyone else looking in,

roller- coaster's, who the hell need's them when you have everyday thing's going on in your life that are driveing you in sane.

Diane x