General Chat

I think most of us with children and grandchildren have been in a situation where we have been required to deal with a screaming child... and much to the annoyance or dismay of onlookers... we never seem to get it right!!

My two year old was screaming in a Military Post office once, when I was trying to post parcels home for Christmas... he was tired and it was cold and he was teething, and he had just about had enough... we had needed to catch the military bus for the long journey from our area, a long wait to catch it back again.

The chap in charge threw us out of the post office. My husband complained when he got back from Northern Ireland, the chap got extras as a result.... but that isn't the best bit.

5 years later, we were on a beach in Cyprus... and there was this same bloke having to deal with his screaming two year old...... my response was to walk over, divert toddler's attention (I am very good with screaming children, usually lol) and then calmly said.... so much better than demanding you be thrown off the (private) beach, don't you think??

Lovely!!

Last year, my two year old granddaughter had a huge tantrum in a garden centre...... she was in the middle of the carpark.... and it was dangerous for her to stay there.... so I picked her up and carried her to safety, put her back down and let her carry on until she had run out of steam..... but.... and this is a huge but.... I was asked if the child was mine... and spoken to like a criminal... cos it was about five days after little Maddie had gone missing... there were people actually ready to phone the police cos they thought I was abducting her!! Whilst I applaud their vigilence.... made me feel like a criminal, lol!! Seems you can't win.

Paul, might I suggest you read a very good book called Toddler taming... it's principles apply to dealing with all sorts of ages who throw tantrums in public, and how best to deal with it as an onlooker and a participant.

Love

Daff xxx

It's all part of growing up isn't it...learning how to control your feelings?

I dont think theres one parent out there that hasn't been through it at some point and if we dared to give them a clip in public we'd get pounced on from a great hight.....can't win really

lol Daff......you and me both with the terrible twos......my 2 y.o. granddaughter is the middle one, and is a little devil........blonde blue eyed and butter wouldn't melt type.......I picked her elder sister up from school, and the 2 y.o. screamed blue murder because the older one got in first........so I put her in her seat and screamed just as loud, and laughed at her.......she was so surprised she stopped, and laughed at me.......no-one around thank goodness...

....and at my daughter's wedding she was one of the bridesmaids........looked beautiful but decided she would rather blow the biggest hissy fit in town and buried her head in the carpet.......but a quiet word from Grandma and she did as she was told........she now things I am great....! but I would not recommend trying it with an audience.....

I have a few comments to make.

My daughter has learning difficulties and suffers from a form of hyperactivity after eating certain foods, its easy for me to control what she eats when she is at home but when she goes to her dads or friends houses she sometimes is given something new and that causes one of her episodes. While I do have to discipline her children like these need to be calmed first as the lesson you are trying to teach them do not sink in when upset.

There are many reasons why the child could of been acting up but at least the mum didnt give in to the child and let him/her have the sweets.

Another thing your comment "let us decent folk get on with our lives" just because this ladies child was playing up as all children do from time to time does not mean they are not also decent.

lol Sally..... she has just about grown out of them now..... she is just three, but has learnt the pout, lol!!

Her almost two year old cousin is like a little steam train... into everything, and continually needing diverting, lol.... but fortunately her attention span is about 10 seconds and she is soooooo easy to re-direct, lol!!

I used to work at a school for young children with mild learning disability.... and extremely challenging behaviours... always said my experience working in the sgt's mess on mess meeting nights gave me the skills needed, lol!! (There are always a couple who want to throw a wobbly. as with any pub/club, lol)

Love

Daff xxx

Each of our two only ever had one tantrum whilst out shopping. They got a sharp slap on the leg and never tried it again.

That was in the eighties, but then you can't do that these days.

here, here, discipline in the right place at the right time and in the right amount

......especially not with my grandchildren Peter, I would have my children and their OH's on my case.......I did the odd slap on the leg with mine though.....

...lol Daff.....

Paul, people of any age never throw a wobbly in public without a reason... I would much prefer to see a young kid throw a wobbly out of tiredness, frustration, whatever, than to witness a group of drunken louts throwing their definition of a wobbly, due to overdrinking or whatever... which could have much worse effects on onlookers or peacekeepers.

And these louts may well (often have) been subjected to discipline or over discipline of varying degrees throughout their lives... with what effect??

Love

Daff xxx

Sorry Pablo,

I am aware by one of your other postings that you do not have children, which is a shame and I feel for you, knowing the circumstances you describe.

However, unless you are a parent I don't see how you can have such strong opinions as to how they should be brought up.

Strong feelings on what annoys you is one thing, and I understand these....can't be nice doing your shopping and wanting peace while you do it.

When I had my first.....she was beautifully behaved and my head was rather 'swollen' as I thought I knew it all, especially when the second child was beautifully behaved too.

Anyone else's child, to me, was a brat and it was 'the paren'ts fault' as far as I was concerned.....then I had one who was hyperactive and without going into details ( could write a book lol ) No matter how 'good' a parent I was, it didn't change the fact that he was exhausting and had to be watched every second of the day just so that he did not get into any trouble or cause a nuisance to others, which didn't always work ( at three years old he could climb a six foot locked gate and we were forever running after him before he got lost ).....

He was a lovely happy child but always getting into some sort of mischief or 'annoying' someone. This, I know for certain, was not due to my lack of parenting skills.....He also trusted people too much which was worrying and led to all sorts of problems, in and out of school.

Anyway....to cut a long story short.......My head went down to a size worthy of an ordinary.....more understanding of others, parent.

The moral being .......unless you have one you cannot possibly understand how much a decent parent goes through when judged by others.

The 'its the parents fault' always annoys me......we are not all to blame for the children of today's behaviour.....Yes I agree some parents are to blame.....but please don't tarr us all with the same brush, and like I say....please give a thought to those of us who try so hard to bring our children up correctly......all is not what it seems sometimes.


PS.....He is now a lovely polite gentleman and the struggle was worth it :-)))

Susan
:-)

Here here Susan it is so easy to be smug when you havent walked in someone elses shoes.
small children throw tantrums thats a reality for all parents and grandparents.
Some of us also have the difficulty of disabled children who through processing issues and other problems also throw tantrums.
Noone needs to judge anybody.
As I said before just smile be kind and offer a helping hand,you may just make someones day.
Alternatively you can go home and grump and make a difference to no body

"Parents should leave their children at home....."
Many would love to do this but not all have the support around them to allow it.

My parents live miles away, my brother and sister both work full time, and I have no partner.
Who should I leave the kids with? Can't leave them home alone so they have to tag along.

That said, my children are beyond tantrum age now but in their prime they probably annoyed "decent folk" a few times.

xx

Oops - seems when i was messing about with my screen name something went wrong!!

Clair.

xx

I have to make a brief comment, Tory has already mentioned autism, two of my grandchildren are autistic, one very severely. A meltdown in a shop is not an unusual occurence, or in the bank while waiting in a queue. Having been through 7 years of various treatments, I know that sometimes Mum is advised (by the 'experts') to ignore the behaviour, and there are times that this is effective. It is VERY hard to ignore. Older sibs can be a huge help, but ultimately Mum gets the brunt of it. To walk away is not the answer. Those of us affected by autism now view such behaviours differently from those with no experience in the area, because we immediately think there may be a problem.
All I'd ask is that, if such a situation occurs, show some compassion for the mother, whether it is autism or plain bad behaviour, Mum needs support to cope with it. It is totally embarrassing to deal with outbursts in a public place, the scorn of others is hard to endure, especially when one is already coping with the child. A little compassion, and tolerance, goes a long way.

Sue I do understand what your saying but think you should have spoken to the mother first and not the child as you have said small child it was a bit risky in this day and age .The mother should have been paying more attention but don't see what smoking has got to do with it ,you also seem to assume an assult when although the child was wrong to do it as a mother I would challage someone who said they would kick my child until I got the facts .You say the mother backed down but you didn't say weather she apolgised.

It is quite uncomfortable for the parent or grandparent or whoever is in charge of a child that throws a tantrum (I am not talking about autistic children now, just an ordinary tantrum.) I have to admit to being quite surprised (putting it mildly) when, after 4 reasonably well behaved children when out my fifth Grandchild was in the habit of throwing a tantrum, wherever we were, if she did not get her own way. And peter, if a child is throwing a tantrum, a real full blown throw themselves on the floor tantrum, a slap does not solve it. They are usually so scared by their own reaction that they are inconsolable. So first they must be calmed down and then maybe explained to that it doesn't work. The worse thing parents can do is give in to whatever the tantrum was about. What makes the situation worse is other people looking accusingly at child and parent, doesn't help at all.

Ann
Glos

I am not asking this in a nasty or sarcastic way peeps. but does anyone know the ratio of autistic/adh/any other behavioural difficulty, children to 'normal' children?
I can't believe that every child you see misbehaving is poorly. Call me old fashioned, but I strongly believe that a lot of the communication difficulties between young mums and their children starts with the use of buggies that face away from mum. A baby/toddler has no idea where its parent is, or who is pushing it. There is no interaction of smiling and pointing things out, and waving etc. The child is just imobilized - it drops something precious to it, mum does not notice - it cries. The sun is in its eyes and it is hot and uncomfortable, it cries, the wind and rain are cold and it has no gloves often no hat, often no socks, it cries - WHAT ELSE CAN IT DO? it can't talk at that stage, it has car fumes blasted in its face all the time.
I say BRING BACK THE PROPER HIGH PRAM - well sheltered from rain or sun, facing mum. - and you could load a lot of shopping onto the tray underneath.
I know a lot of people have to use cars to shop, and buses are a nightmare with small child, shopping and pushchair, even if there is a bus. But if you look around you can get mother-facing pushchairs, and higher ones out of the lead poisoning fumes. And please young mums, you don't have to talk on your mobiles and text all the time as you walk along.
I still have the Mothercare pram that was first bought for my eldest son, now 40, it did my second son, now 39, my second family now 29,26, and 25, and my grandsons now 11,9, and 6......very good value.
Eileen
birth name
and mother of five.

I think most children as I prefer to call them,,,will throw a wobble at some point,be it out or in- house,,,,,,,,,,as none of us know what is going on with the parents life at that time or even the childs, when it happens in a shop......,,,,,its unfair to assume everytime its down to bad parenting or a bad unruley child ,,

We have a tamtrum and battle when grandchildren have to go home,,,,<:}}}

Good point Eileen,

I hate the new Prams Pushchairs for that very reason. I wouldn't say that was neglect though ( not that you were either )....just thoughtlessness or perhaps nothing else is available.

Susan
x

thanks sue point taken you asumption could be right
eileen i will have to check but i believe they were saying 1 in 200 but the actual numbers are thought to be much higher than this as in more then 1 to the200 children are now thought to be autistic

Eileen I had a a proper pram which faced me for all my children and talked them whilst we were walking the 2 miles from our house into town and on walks and my youngest has special needs and I was and still am an attentive mother.

Yes I agree that not all children that are having tantrums are special needs children but it is a factor in today's society so instead of people jumping to the conclusions that the child just needs discipline when they see a child having a tantrum in shops they should save their judgements until they find out the reasons behind the childs actions.