Genealogy Chat

Hi Glen, it wasn't Friday the 13th was it ? Any chance of being able to claim on the insurance ? something similar happened to a friend of ours, he had his living room newly carpeted and was painting his entrance hall, knocked of for a minute, and his son carried the paint brush all the way through the living room to the kitchen to give him, problem was it was fully loaded with maint :O( oh bless him, he was only trying to help. Jess Guess there is not point it trying to catergorise new family is there, we have just decided we all just make up an extended one, my BS has met my AS and her family and I have met her family also, and so far we get on great, even BS neices refer to us as Aunt and Unlce :O) Eileen Hope you move goes nice and smoothly and look forward to seeing you back on here soon ! Mel See if you can find any articles relating to adoptees also overspending and having a compulsion to log on to computer sites, then I can tell eveyone it's not my fault, it was hereditary ;O) Take Care all Sheila

Hi Sheila, Oooh I'll do that, just so I can spend more time on the computer. But I think that overspending maybe just one of those women things. LOL Melisa

nudge

nudging today for all new Adoptees searching for their Birth Families....this thread helps. It helped me just by reading all the experiences on here.

Hi Everyone, Well this may be more of a vent than anything else. Sometimes I wish I could afford a visit to the UK, as I would like to see people faces when I talk to them as it sometimes seems hard to really know what people are thinking when you get an email. It has now been about 6 or 7 weeks since I last heard from BM. And while I have made mention of me sending a 2 emails to BS, I have had replies from them saying that BM’s computer is broken or that she is moving in with Fiancé. Yes these are good excuses but it has been 6 or so weeks. I do not ask to be emailed everyday or even every week, as I do not want that sort of relationship. Just some communication even if it was once a month but it has now been nearly 2. If she feels content just to know that I am O.K and really wants to get on her life for goodness sake just say so, I would be fine with that and I would at least know. Maybe she thinks that if she ignores me I may go away, and she is probably right, I am just about gone and may never to look back. I would like for BM to tell me what is was like back then, her feelings and thoughts and other things surrounding my birth and adoption. Yes she has given me a 2 line answer to these questions but I want more maybe a couple of paragraphs, a page would excellent. Morbid maybe but these are the things I would like to know and after all how bad could they be in comparison to the way I was conceived. Don't get me wrong I do not want to hear sorry as there is nothing to be sorry about. Am I having a bad day, or a super sensitive day. Come on, you can tell me, I can take it. Thanks for listening to me whinge. :0) Melisa

mel honestly ? super sensitive i think! I think that the harder we try and get thes B/m to look back and examine 'who what why and where' the more they are likely to clam up. What was your objective when you started this journey? - have you achieved what you set out to? Jess x

Hi Jess, Yes I think you may be right, I could be having a super sensative day. Yes I have found out where I came from, which is what I set out to achieve. But when you have a little bit of chocolate mud cake you can always find room for a bit more, don't you think. Mel

Hi Mel, Sorry I disagree, I do not think that you are being a bit over sensative today, mainly because I do not think that someone lands a bombshell like they did with you, and then does not bother to get back to them for 6 or 7 weeks. It would have be nice for them to check in to see if you are ok now, epsecially since BS was fast enough to ask if you knew who BF was. Look, I know everyone is hurting and trying to deal with their emotions but this is never about just 1 person. What about you making the first move send BM to see if she is ok and how thins are with her,, if you hear nothing back then you have at least made that effort. I don't think she may ever tell you how she felt, she has got it of her chest now and maybe wants to leave it to rest, only time will tell, but it has probably raised a lot of issues with her that have lain buried. Your going to have ups and downs for a while you know, its just going to be a matter of how you deal with them. If you can be sure that your have given contacting them and getting to know them your best shot, maybe you should back away for a bit and see how it goes. Anyway least you have other family members who seem to be enjoying your re-newed relationship. Take Care Mel and chin up. Sheila

sheila - Mel has had communication from B/S since the bombshell ,i think. Good job we all think differently though- good mix of opinions/experiences on this thread - i hink that is what makes it good. jess x

Hi all The cat is still shiny and very much with us,so it is safe to take my journey tomorrow. I'm off to the cemetery when i get to Lincoln,having found where b/m, and b g/parents were laid to rest.Kind of strange but i feel i really need to go and see the graves and have a quick chat,even if it;s just to say hello. I will also get to see my 'little' girl for the first time for too long.She isn't quite so little now though,13 going on thirty.(do they all do that?) Oh well wish me luck,and catch you all before too long Glen

Hi Sheila, I have sent 2 emails to BM since the bombshell, both asking her if she was OK and feeling a little better, and I have heard nothing. I would have thought that she would have emailed me by now even to ask if I was okay. Hi Glen, I could be wrong but I think all 'little' girls act the same, it's one of those things I think. Mel

Hi Jess, Your right you need to be able to give different opions so we can give viewes from all angles to be able to help :O) Glen Glen glad to see that cats ok, had visions of the poor thing being bald :O( Don't worry about your daughter, wait a couple more years before you do that ;O) seriously though as the mother of 3 girls from 15 to 21 I know what you mean, no wonder I have to get my hair coloured (oops did I just let that secret out ;O) Anway have a good trip ! Mel Guess you have done what you can then, just get on with your life and the door is always open for her to contact you if she comes around. This is the hard thing for adoptees to accept, I know if you are rejected by your BF it would hurt like hell, but to be given false hope can be just as bad, at least if you are told from the start they want no contact, you can pick yourself up and deal with it, but to have them be so eager and then drop of contact, this is the problem most people have to deal with, this does not apply just to BM's but siblings etc, you have only to read the previous threads. That said I am probably as guilty as them, sometimes relationships do not work out for various reasons, but at least its worth giving them a try. Will keep my fingers crossed for you that she has a change of heart Mel, till then enjoy what you have :O) Sheila

Hi all HAPPY EASTER TO ALL HOPE YOU ALL GET LOTS OF LOVELY CHOCOLATE GOODIES THIS WEEKEND. Mel Cheer up Mel sometimes you get a lot of emailing then it slows right down. Give her some more time, 2 months is not that long. And your BS and BC are still in contact so you havent really lost her as such. Glen Good luck with your weekend. Hope you visit with you daughter goes well. Sheila Great advise as usaual keep it up you always write give the best and sensible advise. Annxx

nudge

Hi Folks, Just of to England for a week and wanted to wish you all a 'Happy Easter' enjoy your holidays :O) and catch up with you all soon Happy hunting :O) Sheila x

hello everyone happy easter from canada the snow has melted and the grass is turning green, and i had an easter card from my new brother and family in scotland so all is well, now if only i could get my family here to accept this new side of the family I would be doing well, my sister does not want to talk about it and my son just keeps saying don't get hurt mom, perhaps some of you will remember that my brothers daughter came over last year, well she is coming again this year she is now 16, so I will get to see her again that is going to be fun again happy easter take care bye dorothy

Hi all Dorothy I am also like you as my Mother does not talk about my BS anymore, its like she doesnt exist and my Sister has never wanted to even discuss the existence of my BS.....not once. So I dont push it. My biggest disappointment was my sister who is also an Adoptee. I thought she would be there for me to talk to.............boy was I in for a shock she wouldnt even read my first letter saying I had a BS. One day they might ask and then I will tell them all the stuff the has happened since my BS had contacted me. Which is alot more. But for now I dont force any of this on them as they may see it as a threat to our family. One Day. Annxx

I guess i am really lucky - my brother doesn't see my birth sister as a threat at all - maybe it a gender thing ( a sister isn't going to displace a brother) ...and the fact that i didnt grow up with a sister maybe changes thing . If i had a close relationship with a birth brother (I dont) maybe he would think differently. My Mum and dad accept her totally too - her dad , however doesnt even tollerate talking about me....He refuses to even acknowledge i exist. It isnt a problem very often and it doesnt bother B/S that her dad choose to be like that- B/S daughter gets married later in the year, Bride would rather have me, than her grandfather, who she hasn't seen for years- so that tells you something!! Jess x

Hi everyone Had my little trip down south with very mixed results. I found some very useful info and former houses for my birth family,going from 1870 to 1963,and then stumbled across the street my half sister lives in. Unfortunately i went on the Friday and she moved house on the Thursday,so it was with a few tears i realised that she hadn't been fully honest when she answered my letter,and said she was happy to meet and share a few photographs over a cuppa. If i'm honest it was more than a few tears (more like a flood),i really don't know what to do at the moment,maybe she was trying to tell me something by not telling me(?) As for half bro,i think that is well and truly a dead horse i'm flogging,i have tried the e-mail approach and the phone but absolutely no joy at all.No reply to e-mail and silence on the phone. I suppose that i really have my answers with all of this,but i wish that they would just say,i feel that there might be some way to find things out,but they won't respond one way or the other. I just don't know which way to turn at the moment. Glen

Glen dont turn, just stand still for a while, just wait a bit and see what happens. B sis may just have forgotten to include you on new address thinggy - she may have run and hid, i agreee.... Its hard, and turns you inside out. Big Hug for you jess xx