General Chat

Apologies, shipmates I've just been through and deleted all my posts because they were posted using my full name. Three years ago I didn't realise what could happen if you use your real name on here. Gwynne (ents)

Nudging again as requested. Jenny

Nudging again, just to remind you all. Remember This is not the very first thread and some folks have deleted. Jenny.

Oh boy, one knackered gardner, I hope Im getting well paid for all this work Im doing on my OWN. Lychee's, advocado, fresh ginger, paw paw, plantins, and sweet potatoe, on its way to you Lindy. Im now off to the bar for a very well deserved huge glass of wine, and it had better be cold. Maggie

Message for Fat Lady Cook Were you or were you not skinning a reptile this morning? i distinctlyy saw you, and the croc has been missing for some time (is Boris his name? I never knew that - I thought Boris was another elf) You cannot skin me alive as I am the un-dead (dont you ever see any Hammer House of Horror movies??) for your information in the absence of the Dr Longlegs I am the medical officer, so do not presume to send me to the sick bay - as I have said before, I only work at night, so there is no point in anyone going to the Sick Bay for treatment during the day, I shall be comfortably ensconced in my own compartment (recently moved to avoid the disturbance of the fat lady soprano with the hammer and nails trying to nail me down each night) ~She wont find me tonight, as I am safely hidden in the brothel (the slappers and sluts will only think its a new coffee table in their quarters). I repeat the warning to all of you who think mamoth dung is good for the skin - you will need extra Gillettes tomorrow to deal with the consequences if you place it on your face!! Dont come to me with a shaving rash and ask for assistance!! The dinner tonight Fat Lady Cook was the usual abysmal fodder - could we please have some more rare meat? And, barmaid, there is not enough blood in the Bloody Marys (although the Happy Hour lunchtime Kiddies were acceptable - not too heavy in the middle of the day - thank you for those) I go now to see what is in store for the night - adieu until we meet again. Jac the Drac (Head Mortician, Acting Ship's Dr. and generally clever dickey)

I see no doctor on board, a mist surrounds her - forsooth I say woe is me for I have come for my prick but I bend not before her. The omens are good my bones rattle my eyes clear I see great things ahead but hist! I hear crockery, but no! I am wrong - a croc is all ! I am away - the spirits call ! The soothsayer ( I think - haven't been appointed yet!)

The midnight buffet is all prepared and ready to be put out at 11.30pm. Could the dining room attendants please pick it up then. If anyone comes upon a chewy piece of sushi please ignore. Strump - I have sent up the whipping cream as you requested, what do you need it for? The head cook has gone on walkabout in her alcoholic haze. If you find her please return.

Black widow, I can help with Patrick if you are some what tired. I've just returned from my exersise class so i'm ready and reporting for action. Must have a bath first though as I'm a bit hot and sweaty, bit like the sluts in the brothel. I could do a rendition for you, voulez vous cuchet avec moi, sa soi, be you lady marmalar rr rr rrd (appologies for any mistakes!!!!)lol lol. Bet you never knew that song was written for me, did you? Lady M

Black Widow, I'm afraid I don't have anything in the stores to sure a stiff Patrick Swayze, so you'll have to sort him out yourself. But I presume that won't bother you. Angela, Quartermaster

I've just found cook. I've just been into the dry storage area for some rice wine vinegar to make the sushi, half the bottles are empty. Cook is sleeping it off, using the bottles as pillows. Poor thing - must be bad if she's drinking that. Is there an AA on this ship?

As we have an abundance of seafood we will have sushi tonight - with lots of Saki

Count me in for the midnight buffet. I'm famished so I'll eat anything (except mammoth!). Could particularly fancy a nice rocket salad with wraps and freshly cooked seafish. Angela. Quartermaster

Just helping cook get the midnight buffet ready - where is she anyway? The cooking wine is missing!

I could be the wake up caller with my singing. "Oh what a beautiful morning" or "good morning sunshine" - depending on my mood or if I'm PMS it could be "the bitch is back"

Apologies, Black Widow. I'll amend the emergency inventory. Make sure you wash that clay off before it solidifies though. I don't have storage space for any more sculptures and I wouldn't want any unfortunate mistakes made anyway. Mammoth poo, by the way, is great for dissolving clay. I haven't yet found anything to dissolve the mammoth poo but the elves are working on it. Angela, Quartermaster

Kareoke singer / assistant cook reporting for duty, Just got up. As I am on PST (Pacific Stanadard Time) I'll be able to help Master Cook doing prep work, during the night when she's having her much needed beauty sleep. Does anyone want a singer about 4 - 6am GMT?

Quartermaster here, Am offering for sale (very cheap) certain surplus supplies 1) Very ancient face pack prepared to original recipe - been around since the stone age and very many recommendations. Great for wrinkles (especially those of a pachidermal type). 2)Tried and tested overnight baldness cure - quite smelly, but can provide odour-proof cap to wear in bed (secured with 2nd hand knicker elastic). 3)Absolutely wonderful compost mix - great for keeping those houseplants you've brought on board happy and healthy come what may 4)12 fully trained house elves - great to keep your cabin tidy, don't take up much room, handy for those housekeeping tasks you don't have time/inclination for and don't eat much. Just need new red shoes every 6 weeks (can be supplied). Offers please Angela, at the Quartermaster's office

LAdy M, I'm sorry but I have absolutely nowhere to store Patrick Swayze so you'll just have to cope with the interruptions. As for mammoth poo facepaks ......hmm, I'm sure that could be managed without too much bother. I won't try them myself though. Angela, Quartermaster

Fat Cook thanks for the kippers if you have a spare couple i'd like some for supper as well, i'll be along after dinner with a bottle of champers, keep that waste of space crocodile away from me or i'll drink the lot myself, off to do the rounds before dinner, David ( Security ) be afraid

DINNER MENU TO BE SERVED FROM 19:00 TO 21:OO FOR THE ADMIRAL, DR. LEGS. DAVE THE CROC HATER AND ALL PAYING PASSENGERS. Shrimp Cocktail served in Avocado Pear halves. Oven Baked Whole Bass covered in Streaky Bacon cooked in White Wine with new potatoes and whole Baby carrots. Mango Sherbet and banana fritters A whole Water Melon that has absorbed half a bottle of vodka to be cut into slices just before eating as not to spoil the taste. Red or White wine to be ordered from the bar. assorted cheese and crackers. Brandy of your choice. Coffee THE CREW AND THE BROTHEL SHALL HAVE THE SAME MENU EXCEPT FOR THE SHRIMP IN THEIR AVOCADO, NO WATERMELON OR ALCOHOL. Lady Anne you know the drill send your girls down half an hour before the crew sits down to eat. The Galley will be closed at 21:00 and Boris will be allowed to roam around free and will nip anyone who tries to sneak in. Remember he only gets fed in the mornings. So he is very very hungry. Right I am off to the bar for a drink before the dinner rush. FAT LADY, COOK