General Chat

Hi Jacqui He is scared of the cat! Last night we heard a yelp. When we investigated we found Dooley sitting nonchalantly on the mat in the passage outside the kitchen door, and Scruff sitting in the kitchen afraid to pass him.

Oiy - you troublemaker you Linda!!!! Stirring it again are we??? You should be back at work you should, anyone would think you had been in hospital or something!!! lol Jacqui

Jacqui, If it Etches, why don't you Scretch it? Linda, Just exactly what did you Bolt on?

Jim - was thinking of asking you to "come up and see my etchings" - but after that last crack - not on your nelly!!! lol lol Jacqui

Ha Ha the cracken wakes!!!!! where you been all day for goodness sake - lol If I had 10p for each time I've heard the Etchings joke I could retire and employ someone to do my family history for me!! Jacqui

Is this the right troll one? Joy The Billy Goats Gruff Once upon a time there were three billy goats called Gruff. In the winter they lived in a barn in the valley, but when spring came they longed to travel up to the mountains to eat the lush sweet grass. On their way to the mountains, the three Billy Goats Gruff had to cross a rushing river. But there was only one bridge across it, made of wooden planks. And underneath the bridge there lived a terrible, ugly, one-eyed troll. Nobody was allowed to cross the bridge without the troll's permission - and nobody ever got permission. He always ate them up. The smallest Billy Goat Gruff was first to reach the bridge. Trippity-trop, trippity-trop went his little hooves as he trotted over the wooden planks. Ting-tang, ting-tang went the little bell round his neck. "Who's that trotting over my bridge?" growled the troll from under the planks. "Billy Goat Gruff," squeaked the smallest goat in his little voice. "I'm only going up to the mountain to eat the sweet spring grass." "Oh no, you're not!" said the troll. "I'm going to eat you for breakfast!" "Oh no, please Mr Troll," pleaded the goat. "I'm only the smallest Billy Goat Gruff. I'm much too tiny for you to eat, and I wouldn't taste very good. Why don't you wait for my brother, the second Billy Goat Gruff? He's much bigger than me and would be much more tasty." The troll did not want to waste his time on a little goat if there was a bigger and better one to eat. "All right, you can cross my bridge," he grunted. "Go and get fatter on the mountain and I'll eat you on your way back!" So the smallest Billy Goat Gruff skipped across to the other side. The troll did not have to wait long for the second Billy Goat Gruff. Clip-clop, clip-clop went his hooves as he clattered over the wooden planks. Ding-dong, ding-dong went the bell around his neck. "Who's that clattering across my bridge?" screamed the troll, suddenly appearing from under the planks. "Billy Goat Gruff," said the second goat in his middle-sized voice. "I'm going up to the mountain to eat the lovely spring grass." "Oh no you're not!" said the troll. "I'm going to eat you for breakfast." "Oh, no, please," said the second goat. "I may be bigger than the first Billy Goat Gruff, but I'm much smaller than my brother, the third Billy Goat Gruff. Why don't you wait for him? He would be much more of a meal than me." The troll was getting very hungry, but he did not want to waste his appetite on a middle-sized goat if there was an even bigger one to come. "All right, you can cross my bridge," he rumbled. "Go and get fatter on the mountain and I'll eat you on your way back!" So the middle-sized Billy Goat Gruff scampered across to the other side. The troll did not have to wait long for the third Billy Goat Gruff. Tromp-tramp, tromp-tramp went his hooves as he stomped across the wooden planks. Bong-bang, bong-bang went the big bell round his neck. "Who's that stomping over my bridge?" roared the troll, resting his chin on his hands. "Billy Goat Gruff," said the third goat in a deep voice. "I'm going up to the mountain to eat the lush spring grass." "Oh no you're not," said the troll as he clambered up on to the bridge. "I'm going to eat you for breakfast!" "That's what you think," said the biggest Billy Goat Gruff. Then he lowered his horns, galloped along the bridge and butted the ugly troll. Up, up, up went the troll into the air... then down, down, down into the rushing river below. He disappeared below the swirling waters, and was drowned. "So much for his breakfast," thought the biggest Billy Goat Gruff. "Now what about mine!" And he walked in triumph over the bridge to join his two brothers on the mountain pastures. From then on anyone could cross the bridge whenever they liked - thanks to the three Billy Goats Gruff.

Sorry Linda - lol meant to put Cracker wakes!! Was it John Wynham who wrote The Kraken Wakes? Anyway, it's taken you long enough to find it, so may be it should be The Cracker Sleeps!! Jacqui

why is no one stirring?? !! Joy

Shhhh!!! We are asleep.

Genealogy trouble ? Joy

oh dear ... see, I go away for a weekend, and look what happens!!! Joy

Nice one grampa jim, hopefully your thread will be used for that reason and the other boards left to rome and chat peacefully!!!

Linda, Why do you want a Boozy Wallhanger?

Tony Blair here - what did you want to discuss - now not all at once please, as I have 1 in 4 of you to treat with anit-flu virus - would have been 4 in 4 of you, but Cherie needs a new house, or car, or outfit, or something, and I am thinking of declaring war on Iceland!

Bog off Margaret - you had your day, just like most old dogs - lol Tony

No Margaret, my old dog is anything but free, but I would trade her in for a fortnight at the knee of my mentor - old George - warra lorra stuff I could learn - lol Tony

George my little blue friend, is the one, the only, the truly great George Bush - long may he reign. with regard to the other lady, I can only say - recycle, recyle, recyle - I am sure that you can use those chip trays for something other than chips; washing up bottles can be turned into wonderful little thingeys (seen it on Blue Peter more than once) No rubbish, no need for refuse collections, Foxes, are dear little brownish things, slightly larger than kittens and just as cuddly, and should be treated with the respect they deserve that is to say, a chicken a day and allowed to crap in anyone's garden!! I rest my red (woops, sorry, salmon pink) case - Tone

Any other questions Sally, or can I just depend on your vote? tony

I will get you at play time

Well my dear Sally - if the forthcoming pandemic is anything like as serious as the boffins think it is (and remember only 1 in 4 of you will receive the vaccine) then, logically speaking and this has medical substance too I think, the old and the young will die - thereby relieving the rest of the population (and my own particular party) of a very sticky problem of where to house them!!! Of course Cherie and I dont have that problem as we own several homes, and are not adverse to bumming holiday homes from anyone who has one! I am afraid that street lighting, and your various other issues do not come into my remit at present - I feel sure that I have read about such things in my red box from time to time, but there are more pressing problems than you being able to see you way home at night - anyway, how come you can afford to go out at night - obviously not taxed highly enough! I will ask Gordon what he can do about the street lighting in your part of the world, but I'm afraid that he will just offer a neew bulb (like he did to the people of Bolton I believe, when they had a similar problem) Your friend, your true friend Tony