General Chat

Hi Rupert we can have your bash anytime Barbara is the most important thing at the moment and you watch you dont get your sugar levels haywire again! Take Care Dave

Morning Ministers,first of all I wish the Rht Hon Rupert and his wife Barbara Bear the very best and hope Lady Bear is feeling much better this morning, also I hope that Rupert's sugar levels are ok too! Had to throw away my green jelly and the plateful of red jelly specially made for Baroness Rivendell but apart from that nothing lost. Jeremy Paxo put me on the spot yesterday when he asked me how many illegal immigrants(kangaroo's) there are in the country and I had to tell him I didnt know,I dont think I was wrong because if they are illegal how does anybody know?.Apart from the Kangaroo's a new menace is emerging a few Koala bears got up the tunnel from Australia and they are breeding rapidly they look very cuddly but dont be fooled by them and they love menthol eucylipytus sweets, they have already eaten most of the supply around the 'Stonehenge area' where the tunnel is.I have also noticed Kylie and Rolf are using the tunnel frequently to save on Air fares but I have instructed the home office to put levy's on them from today.Rolf was seen coming out of the tunnel with 'two little boys' yesterday holding his didgereedo!. But to be fair to him he did leave his Kangaroo in the pen at Stonehenge because he was heard saying 'Tie me Kangaroo down Sport'.I thought the friend who Rolf brought with him yesterday was smuggling something in with him but when we searched him he had 3 legs 'whats that all about' he said his name is Jake the Peg.! I thought Kylie fancied me till she started singing 'You should be so lucky'.I said to her 'Better the devil you know'.But I have not given up all hope on Kylie because she sang 'Things can only get better' and said it is 'Especially for you'. Anyway Ministers must go lots of work to be done only 2 weeks to go now.! FOOTNOTE Two of my Ministers Bendy Wendy (Diplomacy) and Bryan Cilfrew(Whales) have recently got married and we wish them both the best of health wealth and happiness.! There is a picture of them with their witnesses Baroness Joy of the Purbecks and Howard on the Prime Ministers pictures on the Photo's page.!

Your 'Orribleness, I have sent in an expenses claim for a day's beauty treatment yesterday. I did not hear about the cancellation until my return from the Salon. I wish Lady Bear a speedy recovery and hope that Cain can make the new date, when it is set. I shall require another day's pampering needless to say. Gwynne

Deputy, Caine has assured me he will make it whatever the date that is set he has kept all his engagements open especially to meet you!

I wish ...................... Gwynne

Morning PM and RH members. Thank you for your enquiries of Lady Barbara. She says she is feeling better but I have warned her again if she is telling untruths then it will be you know what. She does too and I catch a twinkle in her eye. Im sorry about the jelly but I would think Sally or Jacqui will whip some up. If that OZ man Rolfe is being a pain in the butt hit him with his digeredoo or tip his paint pots over him. Certainly he must be charged for his travels,also I don't remember him applying for a work permit. I will look at piccie page later Congrats to Bendy Wendy , and commiserations to Cilfrew.(just joking) Must dash now just put washing on getting string out to tie duster to pole so my hands are free to vacuum. Honest injun. I do the dusting to a boogie woogie tune it gets the rear end waggling (needed to keep the duster dusting.) Will send message later to confirm my presence at bash Rupert Bear.xxx( to my Sally & Jacqui)

Good Morning PM, Ministers and dear Rupe! Short report: The compulsory Salsa Lessons for all those over the age of 18 and under the age of 91 are progressing well; I visited one establishment last evening and was delighted to see bottoms of all shapes, sizes and ages salsa-ing in unison - what a sight - Queen Victoria would have been proud!! A plus note re the compulsory lessons, the obesity factor so much in the news appears to be diminishing (obviously due to the Salsa-ing and the lack of Belgian Chocolate available in the shops) This must be good news for the NHS! With regard to Chocolate Production: slight hitch experienced assembling the machines, as the size of the Belgium Nuts and Bolts on the machinery differ greatly - we have only Imperial and of course the Belgians have only metric - we will overcome and return the machinery to Imperial. Only sufficient chocolate has been produced to meet my own needs at present..............but I will ensure that once the machinery is rectified and adjusted, production will step up, with 24-hr production lines, 7 days a week. I had thought perhaps as an added incentive to get people putting their backs into the Salsa, that upon achieving Level 1 a small bar of Belgian Chocolate should be awarded - what do you think? Nothing too elaborate, but a minor reward. I will report back later and inform the Party of my meeting with the Gnomes of Zurich at No.11 this am. We have matters of importance to discuss re; import of Swiss Watches and clocks; the import of German Larger; the import of Spanish Tapas; the import of French Brie and something else ...er...er....oh, yes the International Monetary System! JAX - The Chancellor

Just reporting in Prime Minister, you certainly gave me a job that would take up most of my time and my expenses forms look more like the manuscript to a book, anyway I ve had lots of affairs(some still ongoing)---- (as I am minister of constitional affairs) my job is certainly keeping me fit (obv I m using a bike instead of 4 wheeled transport)........my way of helping when it comes to gobal matters. I m sure lots of your ministers have been coming to work with a smile on their faces.....is this the right time to ask for a payrise???????? Can I add while asking for a payrise that I do keep a diary of my 'affairs'. Looking forward to a quiet response.

Minister of Constitutional Affairs Penny so nice to hear from you of course like all other Ministers you have received a 10% increase in your monthly pay this month and also you should have delivery of your new 3.0 litre top of the range car of your choice this week.Though knowing that you are enviromentally friendly it has been noted your efforts to travel round on your 'menstrual cycle' I myself have followed you on my scooter. Thank you for your report Minister Penny and hope to hear from you soon!

PM is the menstrual cycle the same as the ladystrual cycle but with a crossbar and if it is , is there a tandem version? I have just done a darstadley(?) trick, had an election letter from the Bliar this morning . Got a stamp on for29p(1st class).Did not open it but sent it back to Newcastle from whence it came with the message I dont accept unsolicited mail. It should cost him another 29p. Hoping to go on the electioneering trail the weekend. I have got my team lined up. Gringo Starr beating the big bass drum, James Halway playing the flute,that stranger on the cliff top playing clarinet,and Rolfe playing the digeredoo and them boards what go wung wong. Should be a good turn out Cant bring me organ (steady Sally) the bloke who usually turns the handle (kidding) cant make it . He has got a date with another organ grinder and his monkey from Durham. Do you think you could keep the other riff raff bears away from the elite table most of em only eat porridge. what they dont eat they sell to C&R as ready made wallpaper paste. I do hope there are some good jokes tonight. I cant tell any of mine because I must appear to be clean in mind body and spirit. The spirit bit is easy the flesh is too weak to have much chance (AAAAHHHH) Is the HCof OZ coming? I would like to renew acquaintance with a Fosters brewed in Melbourne. I take it he has been invited? (Do not mention the need for him to have a work permit) I will casually drop a hint that a years supply of Badgers Creek or similar should be oK. See you later alligator In a while crocodile. Rupee Rupe

Looking forward to it Rupe after 7 OK?

My PM, friends and the darlings of the party, I am overwhelmed with the Party leaders generosity in welcoming me , the, Minister for Rural Affairs,Sally and the Chancellor Jacqui. His generosity is only exceeded by his popularity both within the party and with the public. I have over the last week or so been very impressed with the vast amount of publicity given over to my 'Get em off their bums and back to work.'theme. My suggestions would appear to have favour with the majority of the public. Todate the number of idle b****** forced by circumstances to get employment.has led I believe to savings to the exchequer which equate to the cost of 25 new hospitals,as the health secretary will confirm ( they will feel my paws about their person if they disagree) Well there it is friends the PM should get the Party swinging now.

Rupert my Lord Nuttwood guest of honour I now decalre this party open my Lord Ladies and esteemed guests of honour,thank you to the PM for asking me to declare this party open I have just nipped out Camilla thinks I have gone to the off licence for a bottle of cider.OK I will have a quick brown ale welcome one and all!

Why are we waiting ,why are we waiting get amove on or we will go to the woods, No Sally not for that. Bring the booze on please Im parched . I have been running my paws to pencil points running up and down stairs attending to lady Bear, (no not that Sally).

Rupert my dear dear friend so pleased that you are back in the bosom of the party so to speak Sally's! lol! My oldest friend Lord Nuttwood let us all drink to his and Lady Nuttwood's health.To Lord Nuttwood Hurrah! Long and Rapturous Applause Rupert! Rupert! Rupert!

Aha its good of you to come Charles. I am glad that you have learned the common mans ways ,(not that i am common you understand,itt should be a good do . A word in your shell like (beg pardon its the common mans way of talking about the ears ) No reflection on yours sir. Do you think the PM will shake your hand or your mums when we win the election.? Of course there could be a big ,big suprise. Well I must mingle since my friends have come to welcome me back to the fold. If you need a tip on how to deal with the press see Sally (er in the short dress and igh eels)she has had oodles of practice.

Trust the b***** reporters to get the q&a wrong

GUESTS ARRIVING Kylie Minogue,George Micheal,Julian Clary,Lenny the Lion,Billy Two Rivers,Arsene Wenger,George Best,Jordan,George Bush Jnr,Sooty,Jimmy Hill,Roy Cropper,Tony Blair,Jack Duckworth,Demi Moore,Rosie&Jim,Ant&Dec,Purple Ronnie,Alex Ferguson,Kevin Keegan,Basil Brush,Linda Lovelace,Gareth Gates,Will Young,Attila the Hun,D.H Lawrence, George Formby, Steps,Tony Bennett, + CAIN DINGLE HELLO GWYNNEx

Music from Glenn Miller Orchestra!

Where's Cain? Gwynne