General Chat

Allan's wife stared at the porcelain throne and without further ado threw the little old man off the throne, and threw up.

Hardly an auspicious start to meeting someone who could possibly help them get home.

Allan cowered in the corner.

This was a bit difficult as the throne room was actually circular.

OH was pleased that she had got that off her chest. Although the remnants were still sticking to her blouse. She repeated that oft used expression 'Never again!'

Allan decided that enough was enough and strode over to the little man who was smoothing down his frock coat.

Eyeing the motley crew standing in front of him the little old man said 'Who are you, and what are you doing here? Failing that, why are you here, and what can I do to get you out of the Emerald City? Why are you invading my personal space?'

'Oooh touchy' thought Allan.

By now Allan was feeling just the slightest bit tetchy, so he approached the man and shook him warmly by the throat.

'Look here, you vertically challenged individual,' said Allan as he lifted the little man so that they could see eye-to-eye,(Allan was going to actually call him a shorta*se but decided that that may be a tad discriminatory) 'All we want to do is get home and I think that you can help'

'...nmh' was the only response that Allan received, so he relaxed his grip on the stranger's throat, restoring not only his powers of speech, but also a more healthy pink colour rather than the previous delicate shade of blue

The Wonderful Wizard breathed a sigh of relief. Also a gigantic gasp of breath.

'Steady on old chap!' said the Wizard. ' I can understand your frustration, but throttling me, wont do you any good. What we need is a plan! Cunning, or otherwise'


'The Emerald City is situated in such a secret location, even I don't know where it is. But if we wish very hard, and click our heels I am sure we can get you home. After all, any friend of Dotty, must be a good egg'


Allan sighed, and rolled his eyes. The Wizard rolled them back.


The Wizard disappeared behind his screen, pulled a few levers and......

disappeared down his own trap-door

But not before yelling "Goodbye suckers watch out for the flying......." and he was gone before he'd finished....

"Flying what?" thought Allan just as he felt a breeze go by his head.....and something took off his flat cap we've all forgotten to mention......
"Hey give it back"
but too late.....they were surrounded by manic looking flying monkeys......

Allan retrieved his cap in the manner of Norman Wisdom, and laughed uncontrollably. He stopped abruptly by the look from OH.

The monkeys were jumping here and there, and one jumped into OH's bag. OH shut the bag with a resounding snap! Only another two, and she would have a matching Wise set.

Where the monkeys had arrived from was a mystery, there was no sign of either Wayne or Garth. ;-)

'In for a penny (or cent) in for a pound (or dollar)' thought Allan, grabbing OH, and pulled the lever.....

But before anything happened the was a whirring sound in the air.

Thinking more flying monkeys were arriving, Allan released the lever, stepped to the side and looked up.

He did a double-take and quickly stepped to the side once more which was just as well as hurtling downwards, spinning like a dervish was an American style farmhouse.

The house landed with rather more noise than gracefulness.

Allan walked over and saw two feet sticking out from the debris.

Being queasy of stomach, and not much of a gentleman, Allan just said, 'Ouch!' and walked away thinking to himself, 'This would make a great book but who'd believe it'

Allan wa worried about falling into the oblivion of page two. So he set about building a wooden.....

Horse ....he's sure he remembers someone once using one to transport people .....trouble is Allan isn't good at woodwork and it ended up looking more like a........

A camel, which after all, is only a horse designed by a committee

The biggest decision was to be one hump or two!

After furious discussion, it was decided on two. One each for Allan and OH.

Allan asked OH if her Address Book contained the phone number for Barry Bucknell, and if so, how much would be charge?

Barry couldn’t,t get there. But luckily a camel is sometimes referred to as a ship. So they now have tw ways of restarting their journey.

Ahh but don't forget OH doesn't have sea legs at the best of times........nor a sense of humour so when Allan suggested they have a date she got all girly and he produced a branch with fresh dates.......she hit him with her copious bag and last seen he was heading towards.......

the desert, having just taken the hump.

Like this story, he had no idea were he was heading and even his wife had now resorted to domestic violence.

It was the word resorted that gave him an idea; he would try to reach the holiday town of Costa del Plenty

He wondered whether he had the correct clothes for such a place, then remembered that OH would be able to come to the rescue on that score, because in her bag she had tucked away..................

.........his thongs ;-)

As the sun set Allan started to hum a few bars of 'Just a Thong at Twilight' and sighed, as he never wore thong on his feet nor anywhere else for that matter

Allan mused that the Thong was indeed created by Phillipe Pherlop.

'It aint alf hot Mum' said Allan to OH. Allan received a clout for his trouble.

Nevertheless, the bag contained various khaki shorts, blousons and topi's. Just the job for finding The Road to Mandalay.

Well, flying fishes will be a change from flying monkeys.

But is the OH called Dawn?

Cos' "...dawn comes up like thunder...." :-D