General Chat

well found this thread on page 5....

and it so happens I was looking through old emails, and came across this

not very Bland but food for thought,(I think)




HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT.

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. (allegedly)

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :


Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.


One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.


Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:


1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.


2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.


So which is it?


If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.’ "


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

:-D :-D

Well he certainly knew his chemistry :-D

The student certainly had all his ions in the fire

Well, it seems a good time to resurrect this thread

OH really doesn’t like me changing her chocolate bars wrappers around. Only yesterday she got her snickers in a twix

Allan you could be our Milk Tray man...oh hang on...Milk tray person...coming to all our rescue....with a sense of humour injection....

I was chopping some herbs up and rubbed my eye with my hand , now I’m parsley sighted

One of our Reps during the last millennium had Bland as a surname. Long since dead, sadly. :-(

So who was RR and removed swiftly since last night....can't remember if I did reply to Allan Parsley joke or not......

Bloke just knocked on our door, soaking wet 'e was....handfull of leaflets... I said Haven't you got anything better to do, than walk the streets in the rain?


he said...


"well I AM the postman"....

On another tack, ...bearing in mind Donald Tusks' comment yesterday, re the lack of a brexit plan...read my post of 4th Dec......

I drive to the nearby beach every morning & then head-off for a ramble along the half-mile promenade.

I often Ramble, Dermot, or so I've been told :-(

Little Johnny returns again.
The teacher returned to work, following time off with stress after her most recent Little Johnny word description, she spent time thinking of a word that could only work one way and now, spirit up, says to the class “OK, can someone tell me a sentence that uses the word exceptional”
Little Johnny’s hand stays down, “He’s thinking, he’s thinking, I’ve beaten him,” she thinks to herself and calls to Susan who already had her hand up to give her sentence.
“Well miss, the weatherman said this spring will be exceptionally cold”
“Good try Susan but that’s the word exceptionally, not exceptional. Stuart you…” with a growing sense of dread she notices Johnny put his hand up “.. tell us how you have heard the word EXCEPTIONAL used” emphasising the word loudly
the teacher thinks with fading anticipation of what could soon be said ‘ what has he got, how, can’t be possible’ she thinks to herself, suddenly feeling better that she was worrying for no reason.
“Miss, you said that no one can have time off except if they are sick”
“ Sorry Stuart, that is completely wrong, think it through” she says starting to panic -now the realisation hits that the only hand up is Johnny’s – and he’s jumping up and down to be asked, ‘ OK, you spend 3 weeks stress leave and worked out that this word can’t be misused, you’ve got to hear him as he must get this right at last’ the teacher thinks to herself,
“Ok Johnny, how do you see the word E X C E P T I O N A L” she barks the letters out one by one, “ used”
“I overheard my sister talking to her friend the day before Valentine's day" says Little Johnny continuing " they were discussing my sister’s new boyfriend and how he had promised to get her a big bottle of smelly tomorrow, she said "if it was anything except Channel, he wasn’t getting in her knickers”
The teacher was led away crying

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken wall at 10 Downing Street ; one from London , another from Bristol and the third, Liverpool ..

They go with a government official to examine the wall.

The London contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

'Well', he says, 'I figure the job will run about £900: £400 for materials, £400 for my crew and £100 profit for me.'

The Bristol contractor also does some measuring and figuring, and then says, 'I can do this job for £700: £300 for materials, £300 for my crew and £100 profit for me.'

The Liverpool contractor doesn't measure or figure but leans over to the Government official and whispers, "£2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?'

The Liverpool contractor whispers back, '£1000 for me, £1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Bristol to fix the wall.'

'Done!' replies the government official.

And that friends, ...... is how it all works.



and on the other hand....


Borrowed...

And woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet,but she didn't want to spend a fortune.
Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blow jobs!'
“Blow jobs!' the woman replied.
“It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month,' the clerk;said.
The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...No more blow jobs for her! She bought the frog. When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely sceptical and laughed it off! ....
The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again. In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.
She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cook books.
“What are you two doing at this hour?' she asked........
The husband replied, 'If I can teach this frog to cook.......you're gone.

I was in a café the other day and I said to the waitress “ Can you tell me about the menu please “ .

She haughtily replied “ It's none of your business about the men I please “

:-D :-D

:-D :-D

Obviously time to resurrect this Thread.

Some, well one, of the current threads is a constant source of amusement with occasional outbursts of laughter.

As an old Northern expression goes 'there's nowt so queer as folk'

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

Ah but that other often quoted Northern expression is "where there's muck there's brass" so this is a rich place if everything RR is mucky :-)