General Chat

Happy anniversary Mr and Mrs Susan and Cherry in the immortal words of Eric Idol "always look on the bright side of life de do de de de de do" :-D :-D :-D


Teresa

Hello Ladies.

Happy Anniversary Susan, I hope you enjoy your weekend away. :-)

You are right elderflower cordial is nonalcoholic, I have a recipe if anyone would like it, it's easy to make but you have to sieve the ingredients through a muslin cloth so you don't get any sediment and that takes a while although you don't have to stand over it, you can go off/out and leave it to drip through.

Auntie Petunia you are being missed :-(

I do hope you are well and have just decided to take a short break maybe after our recent weather you sailed away in the newly built Ark and have ended up in parts with no wi-fi :-S

CC so pleased your house is now smelling sweeter :-)

Bright Side n all that Teresa ;-) :-D :-D

I surely was looking on the bright side last night, Teresa, a local superstore invited me (and the world and his wife) to a Christmas Event, offering a glass of champers and a goodie bag as an inducement, so of course I went along. The champers was a poor bucks fizz, and I was given a blue shopping bag which I thought was the goodie bag, it was full of promo leaflets and I thought this was a bit stingy - as I said, I thought this was the goodie bag.

However, after I had sampled and nibbled, and finished my bucks fizz (be grateful I got those words in the right order :-D ) I decided it was time to leave. I was shown downstairs where a young lady presented me with my (real) goodie bag, and asked me to complete a Card, and then I was shown out. On getting home, I dived into the goodie bag to find a Christmas Gifts catalogue, some leaflets, and ..... a box of Christmas mince pies, and chocs. The Christmas mince pies have to be eaten by 19th Dec, and I darent eat them, so I took them to the U3A meeting this afto, and gave them to the people who run the tea bar. Oh yes, there was a Christmas card in the goodie bag as well, signed by the store manager. It was "something different" to do on a cold wet Wednesday night :-D

*

Lesley, I decided we must after all put out an All Points Bulletin, so you can search the wine bars if you would please, Teresa you can search the clubs when you have finished tending to people who should not be sick, and I will check out the ladies conveniences in case Petunia and two of her friends have got locked in. ;-)

CC

#feeble knocking on a metal pipe with a well made shoe..................#

Tap, tap, tap. I would use Morse Code if I only knew how......................

I wondered if you had missed me dears, I have been a bit foolish.

I know dear Cherry did warn me about Juana, but would I listen? Of course not!!!!

I went to visit her in the Nunnery, as I wanted to make sure she was doing the right thing.

No sooner as I walked into the room, or cell as she called it. She pushed me onto the very spartan bed and over powered me. And she walked out of the door in MY clothes, and locked the door behind her.

I must say this Nuns habit is very rough on my delicate skin, and does nothing for the complexion.

As this a closed order, and silent too. I could not call for help.

I have drunk the water out of the vase, and eaten the nastursiums, and I am very cold, hungry and thirsty. All this knocking has not summoned anyone.

Please dears, call for help on my behalf.

I am a refined elderly lady, GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!

I thought I heard the phone ring, but when I answered there was just a strange hissing sound in the background, and some metallic banging. I expect it was one of those Call Center gentleman "from Microsoft" trying to tell me I have a problem with my computer. If these people phone again, they will have a problem with their ear drum ...... after I've blown the whistle down the phone :-D

I know - I will pop around to Father Thaddeus and get the address of the Closed Order. Perhaps Juana knows where dear Petunia has got to. I expect I shall have an hour to spare tomorrow afternoon, after my Hearing Test and a little amble in and out of the charity shops.

CC

Hiccup Hiccup Hiccup

I did as you suggested CC and searched the local wine bars :-) I felt awkward entering and not hic ordering a drink hic 10 bars later and I can't walk or talk :-|........................
...........Now I have learnt I was looking in the wrong type of establishment :-(

I have just tried to assist Auntie Petunia in her escape but the door at the nunnery was shut in my face :-( mind I was hic crawling on all fours hic:-D

Good to see you back Auntie :-) did you notice there has been 144 people looking for you :-S

Well done Lesley, I am so glad to hear you have tracked dear Petunia down to the nunnery. I said all along there was something fishy about Juana's tale of Closed Orders, and nunneries, and can only conclude the gel has a bad habit.

We must coordinate a rescue plan, as soon as Teresa finishes at her place of paid employment.

Now, do sober up dear, here's a strong black coffee for you :-)

CC

Ah Lesley dear, i have warned you of the perils of our oldest recorded town at night fall. You must have seen our yoooof on the documentary on the TV in the summer about the booze bus in town. Tutty tut the yoooof of today cannot hold their drink. We could stand up drunk and find our way to the elephants leg kebab house in crouch street and eat it with chilli sauce and no after affects when I was a young gal. :-D :-D :-D no booze bus for us ;-)

I did indeed hit the clubs Cherry, I searched in the following order:

The WI
The Flower club
The church distressed Gentlefolk club
The History Society
The Gardening club
The soil association
The Young Farmers club (it was a little lively there and I had a couple of noggins of cider)
The YMCA
The Needlework club.

In desperation I also searched in all the Devils slimming Clubs
The Tennis Club
The Golf club
The indoor and outdoor bowls club
The Reading club
The Forestry Commission





And The Caravan club



Sad to say she was not there and as expected kidnapped by that dreadful gal. I am between paid toil so will go and rescue the poor old dear and settle her into FTEs room. FTY has his x box in there. Auntie can play the Devils football on it with the headset and can chat with FTYs mates :-D


Teresa

Your evening out sounded rather nice Cherry. It's always nice to get a freeby :-D


Never fear and do not hither out on a cold and foggy night. I will get her and she can have a nice bath a hot toddy and settle down to watch I'm a celebrity get me out of here :-D

I'm at paid toil tomorrow so will drop her off home to you on the way :-D :-D ;-)

Boy did I need that black coffee this morning :-D

CC do you think we could persuade James Bond to parachute out of his helicopter and rescue Auntie Petunia through the skylight of her room/cell?

Oh Teresa I did see the TV programme on the streets at night in our town :-0 I was dreading seeing one of our fruits on the bus :-| thankfully I didn't :-D

The Elephants Leg Kebab House :-S was it really called that :-0

Sitting in Father Thadius' office with a rather rough grey blanket around ones shoulders.

Thank you dears for looking for me, especially Teresa who trawled the public houses. I think I have mentioned before I am teetotal dear, but it is the thought that counts.

Lesley dear, it seems you did track me down, but why did it take two nights to climb two flights of cold stone stairs? I am fair faint with hunger!!!!

Cherry dear, please instruct dear Mrs Berry to cook me something nice for luncheon, I have not eaten properly for four days.

Nevermind these celebs in the Jungle, it is just as easy to starve in North London.

It seems that Juana is on the loose in my clothes. So if you do see a swarthy looking young gel, in genteel clothes, tis she. Please let me know, I do not want her turning up at Motie Towers again. I think she has caused enough damage and distress.

I dont think we want to drag the Patrick saga up again. But I will if she darkens my doorstep again.

I believe that Pat-trish-aaaah has returned, before she sets off next month for the North Pole. Please send her around to St Jumbos so that I can get home.

I must say, I do appreciate these Fathers live in austere conditions, but only one dip of the teabag? Reallly!!!!!!

Cold, hungry and very, very miserable
Auntie Petunia

Petunia I am so pleased to hear that Teresa has rallied and released you from the Nuns cell, and that Father Thadeus is looking after you. Dearie me, you do get yourself into some scrapes and situations.

Lesley does not seem to have sobered up yet in spite of all the black coffee I poured down her froat, I mean, throat. Or else, she's been at the gripe water.

Thank goodness Teresa is no longer in the club. She could have gone missing for nine months.

As instructed, I have sent Pat rish aaaah around with the tuktuk, she is on her way now, and should be with you by Divali. She has decorated the tuktuk beautifully, with red and white candles, all lit up and glowing, so everyone will be able to see you coming in the dark.

Mrs Berry is making you a warming potato and onion soup, to be served with fresh crusty bread, and will bring you a pot of fortified tea as soon as you reach home.

Now ... I have checked the news broadcasts and a hairy young woman wearing genteel Edwardian clothing and kidskin button bootees has been spotted, loitering with a begging bowl, outside Turnham Green station. How green, remains to be seen. The Flying Squad are just popping along to apprehend her. It might even be a fair cop, guv.

CC

dont stand too close to me, I have a sore froat, I mean, throat. And my twisted index finger really hurts today, I am typing one handed, I cant even put my finger on the keyboard at all. There are many things I would not wish to put my finger on, but the keyboard is not one of them.

CC

sorry Lesley I almost did not see you there, I dont know about James Bond but I would not mind being rescued by Clive Owen :-D

CC

Teresa I am now waiting for an email from them, wanting me to complete a questionnaire about my experience. sigh.

CC

soil association Teresa? why on earth did you think Petunia might be hiding there?

CC

(soil ... earth .... I will leave you to work that one out)

Good evening dears.

What a horrid day it has been weatherwise. Dark, grey, cold and raining.

But still...............................I am home!!!!!

Pat-trish-aaaah came to collect me, and yes, the tuk tuk is very colourful. All pinks and orange hues. She is looking very well, so the sunshine must have done her good.

Teresa dear, thank you for looking me, but I fear you were looking in the wrong places. Dear, dear, you could have looked in the Young Farmers Association. I hear they have a Farmer Giles there. I know his very well.....................

Lesley dear, plenty of water dear, rather then coffee. It makes you even more dehydrated. Fizzy water if you have it. Have you got your Teddy yet dear?

Oh dear, me being missing, has meant that I did not wish dear Upsidedown Susan a Happy Anniversary. I am sorry to have missed it dear. But, belated good wishes. How lovely to be married to a lovely man.

If only..........................................if only......................if only that swine had not run off with Juana!!!!!

If you hear of an imminent arrest concerning Juana, please let me know. I shall positively identify her.

Poor Cherry, thank you soooo much for my soup and crusty bread. Does your poorly finger have to droop into the soupbowl dear? I do appreciate that you do wash your hands, but nevertheless, it is not quite to Debrette standard is it dear? At least wipe you hand on a napkin dear, rather then suck the soup from your poorly pinkie. Thank you dear. Most kind.

Can you see me dears? I am skin and bone. Four days without proper food and water. Do you know what vase water tastes like? No? Dont ask! And although edible flowers look pretty, they are not what you would call tasty.

Aaaaah, I must say this soup, bread and apple crumble with custard are going down a treat. I shall soon be back to normal.

Now where is my diary? I am sure I am due somewhere tomorrow, there must be someone who needs my guiding hand...............

Feeling warmer
Auntie Petunia

*thinks* perhaps I should try the Vase Water and Petals diet. Dear Petunia certainly looks well on it, and she must have dropped at least a stone in weight.

*pats Petunia gently on the back*

We are so pleased, dear, that you are back with us dear. Thank you for your consideration over my poor finger, I think I must have temporarily trapped a nerve where the top of the digit has twisted across, but its not so bad now, at least I can use it again. See? I can even pick my nose, in a most refained manner of course. I expect that my finger accidentally making contact with the soup benefitted from the warmth.

The latest news update, is that a hairy woman in Edwardian clothing has been observed in Regents Park Zoo, in the monkey enclosure. Either that, or Amy the chimp is Dressing Up again.

I've been to Monkey World, a wonderful place, and Hananyans group were out and about, and they had some old towelling. One of the chimps picked up a towel and draped it over his shoulders, just like a human donning a shawl. The primates there are all very well cared for. But, it is sad that such places are needed in the first instance.

CC

Good Evening

Oh Auntie Petunia my knees my poor knees :-| climbing those cold stone stairs on my hands and knees because I was to inebriated to stand was no mean feat :-( I must have been numb at the time as I felt no pain, now my knees are sooooooo sore and black and blue, no dancing for me this week, and Auntie Dear you ask why it took me two nights......................................I can't remember :-S

I hope your finger is much better CC

Yes I did receive the teddy, thank you :-D :-D :-D

not that I am unsympathetic, Lesley, you understand, but really dear you should have taken more water with it, then you would not be experiencing "no mean feat" but would have been able to stand on your own two feet. The scraped skin and bruises can be camouflaged by a flesh-coloured bandage, and with a pair of thick "Norah Batty" tights on (to disguise the bandage) I see no reason why you shouldnt be up and about on the dance floor doing the March of the Mods and the Hokey Cokey, and possibly Knees Up Muvver Brown. Just dont wear a mini skirt dear. Always remember, Less Is More.

which makes me wonder if "More is Less" :-D !!

Yes thank you my finger is a little improved, compared to yesterday. I can type two handed again. Some days my fingers can be really painful when trying to hold something like gripping the handle of the telescopic duster. Its just neural pain caused by arthritic nodes on the finger joints, but its so darned inconvenient.

CC