General Chat

Thank you, Susan.

I am in Western Oz, and have been enjoying an afternoon of R&R. Unfortunately, this has involved a few glasses of red so I am waiting for the literary muse to reappear!

More later

Regards

Allan

Meanwhile, Watson was pursuing his own researches in the Styche in Thyme.

Unfortunately, Holmes had not given him a description of the suspect, and Watson had to make a number of assumptions, the first of which led to some confusion.

Making his way through the crowded, smoke filled room Watson reached the bar.

"I'm looking for a man," he whispered to the barmaid.

"Sorry, ducks , you're in the wrong pub," she cheerfully replied. "Oscar Wilde drinks in the Nancy Gay"

"No, no," responded Watson, "I'm looking for a special man!"

"In that case," said the barmaid, laughing, "Try the Contortionists Arms." And spitting in a glass, giving it a final polish, she moved off to serve another customer.

Watson felt out of his depth. Well, it was a split level bar.

Looking around, he spotted a group of men sat at a table and decided to approach them.

"Excuse me, gentlemen!" he said.

Five minutes later, nursing a bloody nose, (one of the men had overheard his conversation with the barmaid), Watson was seated at the table.

"I'm looking for someone who knows about threads"


To be continued

Allan

lol, Barbra.

I take it that you are feeling better today? :0))

Allan

Too much, Barbra, and I've enjoyed it :0))

Allan

Have just been reading this thread and am still giggling, it is so funny.Allan,you seem to shake the jokes & puns out of your sleeve.What a gift. Can hardly wait until the next episode!

Thanks Claddagh.

Benny Hill, the Two Ronnies, The Goodies: all my heroes!

Not to mention Kenneth Horne et al

Allan

Allan absolutely brilliant and you sure gave me a chuckle.

Allen, i haven't laughed so much for ages .
Brilliant ..
Hazelx

Hi Allan,

You are so very clever with words. I have been laughing aloud ! Before you mentioned your heroes, I had Ronnie Corbett in my minds eye.

Keep it coming please.

Susan-nz

ALLAN

YOUR AUDIANCE .AWAITS

Still sleeping on the job I see, will pull the string attached to his big ...












..toe

The table went silent.

Even the men stopped talking.

Realising that he was onto something, Watson sprang to his feet. In so doing he inadvertently knocked over the drink of the man on his left.

The victim of the empty glass slowly stood up, Well, 'unfolded' is more the expression which came to mind.

With a rictus grin of fear, Watson knew that he was in trouble.

He also knew that it would not be a good idea to remove his bicycle clips until he returned home.

The man was Huge, with a capital H.

He merely smiled at Watson and said, "We have something to discus!"

Watson thought for a moment and said, "Don't you mean discuss?"

"I know what I mean," responded the man mountain and picking Watson up in one hand, he whirled him around several times, and then let him go.

The momentum would surely have carried Watson into the Thames were it not for the solid brick wall which broke his flight, and several of his teeth.

"Ah! Discus!!" groaned an understanding, and badly concussed, Watson.

Crawling his way slowly back to the table, he took his chair.

"Here!!" shouted the Publican, "Put that bl**dy chair back!"

Feeling slightly less groggy, and desperately wishing that his current physical state had been caused by grog, he once more addressed the group of men at the table.

"I need to know about the threads!"

"Werll," said one, "I usually get mine from the porn shop"

"Sorry?" queried Watson "Don't you mean Pawn shop"

"Nah, Mate!" was the reply "I waits for the actors to get ready for the scenes, an then leg it with their clothes!"

"I work for an Undertaker" replied another, "A good steady supply of suits there, and I can choose the ones that fit!"

Watson knew that his grip on the proceedings was hanging by a thread.

"I'm not talking about suits, my dear chaps!

The group all moved further away from Watson as one.

"I'm talking about the spate of threadsnatching currently underway. I need any information you may have into this dastardly crime."

"Here!" shouted the Publican, "Don't go calling my customers a bunch of dastards!!"

One of the group slowly leaned towards Watson.

Watson waited for him to speak...and waited.. and waited!

At last, the leaner did not so much take a breath of air but expelled a breath, his final exhalation.

Now, as has been shown earlier in this tale, Watson was a slow thinker, not a deep thinker, but very slow.

Even he, however, could not fail to notice the two knitting needles which had been driven into the victims back with such force that they actually suported him on the table.

"Ouch!" thought Watson to himself "At least any broken bones should kit together nicely."

Attached to the needles was a note

"One Thread to Rule the World, One Thread to bind Them" it said.

Surely here was a major clue. Watson had never heard a note talk before!!



To be continued

Allan

so clever

~~~~ to all

Allan

Well knitted together Allan your cable pattern is amazing, and may you never drop a stitch or go into woolly thinking....

From the Land of millions of sheep.....

Bo Peep

Meanwhile, back at the bank, Holmes was having problems of his own

"I need to look inside that safety deposit box, Sir Angus!"

The Governor looked startled and said "How did you know the name of my ancestor, Sirangus?"

"????" replied Holmes.

"Sirangus was one of the Romans who came to Britain with Julius Caesar. He was in the Army as a Centurion" explained the Governor.

"Really!" Holmes was impressed, "Still in the Army at 100, what a man"

"I think that you may be confusing him with a Centenarian, Holmes! And myself as someone knighted by the Queen," remonstrated the Governor

"Ah! And do you know much of your family history?"

"Yes," replied the Governor, "My tree goes so far back that there are monkeys at the top"

"I don't doubt that, at all," replied Holmes, eyeing the bowl of bananas on the Governors desk.

"So," said Holmes "you don't have a knighthood?"

"What?" queried the Governor, "of course I do"

"But, you just said....."

Slowly a little gleam of understanding glowed in the governor's eyes.

"I'm not a knight of the realm, if that's what you mean. But I do have a nighthood to keep my head warm when I'm in bed at night"

Holmes decided, like Watson, that the plot needed to be brought back to matters in hand

"I need to see inside that box'

"I'm sorry!" said the Governor, "Confidentiality, and all that"

"I must"

"You shan't"

Holmes was positive, the Governor was negative, but unlike magnets, they felt no attraction!

"Enough of this nonsense. I'm straight off to Lastrade of the Yard" boomed Holmes, "He shall procure a Search Warrant, which will be enforced forthwith!"

Holmes stormed out of the Bank only to return immediately to retrieve his deerstalker.

Holmes decided, however, that before going to Scotland Yard he had better check on Watson's progress.

He hailed a cab and jumped inside.

Tapping with his cane on the ceiling panel, he was horrified, when it opened, to find himself staring at a brown paper bag.

"You rang, Sir"

"You!" gasped Holmes.

"Yes, Sir and thank you for your tip last trip. Very useful it was, too, Sir"

"Thank you" replied Holmes, "Now take me to the Styche in Thyme"

"I thought you were going to Scotland Yard, Sir'

"How did you know that?" demanded Holmes

"Well sir, to be honest I read this post"

"That's not honest, that's dishonest. That's the last post you will read"

"A very mournful melody, sir"

"What!" exclaimed Holmes "You're an ex-military man?"

"Gor bless you, yes sir. I've killed hundreds of men and incapacitated many more, in my time"

"Holmes was impressed, "Which Regiment?"

The driver chuckled to himself. "I was never a Regimental man, sir, I was in the Catering Corps!"



To be continued


Allan

Oh! woe is me,confused I am....
I've not seen so many threadedsnatches like this before........'tis amazing
what can be achieved with a needle and cotton

Bob

THANK YOU ALLAN
YOUR ABSOLUTLY BRILLIANT
REAL FUN..XX

Where to next

Carnaby Street?
Saville Row?

They seek him here, they seek him there this 'desecrated'
follower of fashion. Apologies to the Kinks in this decomposition of the thread.

Where ever it 'suits' you, Persey :0))

Allan