General Chat

Can I have your comments please.Friday up at 5 00am let dogs into garden fo a wee. At work for 6,00am, as I only live 5 mins from work I broke off at 8.45 came home took dogs for 45 mins walk then back to work. Was just about to finish at 11.00am when a chappie came to service all the gas boilers in school, so I unlocked everywhere for him and got home at 12 noon.My oh was just putting on his shoes and said that his dog had got him up @ 12 mind you and that he needed to go out I said well take him as I am having a cuppa and my bacon and tomato sarnie I had just got from our local shop. I was then told to get out of his house etc etc only been married 52 years next month. He has not worked since the 1980s but will not do any chores. was it me or was it him that was unreasonable. Elaine.

Just sitting here open mouthed...sorry I wouldn't stand for that, he is totally unreasonable, and you've let him get away with it for that long?!

Elaine
I had to read that twice to see if you were serious. You are aren't you? Seems like he is using you as a doormat at first glance. However, you don't say why he doesn't work. But if it is his dog and he is fit enough and you work and he doesn't. Will you make it to 53 years? I suppose it would be too much to expect him to have a meal ready for you when you get in from work?

In answer to your question I think you were not the one being unreasonable.

Hmmm. Has he always been like this, I wonder, or is it a new thing?

time to put your foot down hun xx

start referring t him as your first husband
keep him on his toes

I think Elaine is serious. From a previous thread she posted where he chopped down her trees because it was "his" house, I think he may always treat her like this. From that same thread, I don't think he needs to work but he expects Elaine to continue working to pay her way and still expects her to do the chores. Elaine he is unreasonable. Are you ok? (((hugs)))

Elaine .......stay put and get legial advice even if you dont use it ..you must get some help as to where you stand

Dont take any notice of his comments and remember all men get to 14 and thats it ......

If he hasnt work since 1980 whos paid for him and "his" house!!??
I feel so for you at this time but please stay strong and get legal advice
xxxxxxx

Elaine just post a few worrds to let us know you are ok hun!!???

Elaine i know that you don't know me but i was reading it and i could not beleive how much you do for that man sounds like you work hard and you have taken care of him all these years my god your a wonder woman for putting up with that behavour for so long i think its about time you had some Elaine time do what you want to do for a change instead of living around his needs he's a man he can take care of himself by the way the comment about HIS house i guess you pay for? i hope that all these comments that people have written for you help you

Oh hasn't worked because he had a motor accident in 1968 and has used this as an excuse for not doing anything much at all. he was made redundant in 1980 and has not worked since. The house was given to him by his mum who lived next door to us until her death. He just always ran to mummy if things didn't go his way. He is a weak spoiled little boy, I have worked part time for 41 years as soon as my youngest was 5. I am the stronger one I know but if anything happens to him before me I may not have a home, he may leave it to someone else. As for him getting me a meal, he has never even made me a sarnie in all those years. I come in at 6.00pm feed and take the dogs while he sits feet up in the recliner chair then I come back and get my own meal ready I have stopped getting his most days now. My list is endless. Elaine.

I dont know how you have put up with it all those years.
In saying that maybe he is depressed.

As for the house, I think if anything happened to him you would get the house...I think. Might be worth checking it out.

Elaine, this makes terrible reading and I feel so sad for you. What about your children - are they aware of the situation and, if so, couldn't they help you?

Elaine, please please get legal advice on this, you are entitled as his wife, whether you have contributed financially or not ( and you so obviously have) to a share of the home if he dies or if you divorce ...get that sorted now. You have let him be a baby too long and taken the place of his late mother.

My heart bleeds for you that you have got to this position, in a way it does for him too...because he can have no pride or self respect if he can do this to his wife.

I don't think you realise how much you help with your comments. One gets to a stage where one thinks is it me? My daughter literally hates him and thats sad and my younger son puts up with him, he is there now and I feel sorry for my son as oh goes down and stays and stays, he never takes a hint it's time to go home. Please keep comments coming I feel better already. Am off to bed as I am dog sitting 3 dogs for my daughter and grandaughter while they go to Chester zoo tomorrow, that makes 5 dogs in all, we will go walkies and be out of his house all day. Elaine.

Elaine, I always assumed from your board name that you were an Aussie lol, but that you are over here makes it much simpler.

Go to your local CAB they will give you advice on sharing of assets like your home, and also advise on solicitors who will provide an initial free consultation ( or at least a minimal fee, used to be a £5).

In the meantime I googled CAB for this :

"Rights to the home for owner-occupiers
If you and your partner are owner-occupiers, it's possible that only one of you is the actual owner of the property. If this is the case, the partner who is not the owner will need to protect their right to stay in the property and make sure the owner doesn't sell it without their knowledge. Even if you actually move out when the relationship ends, you may want to move back in again later.

To protect your rights to stay in the property, you have to fill in a form and send it to either the District Land Registry or the Land Charges Department in Plymouth. In Northern Ireland, it's either the Land Registry or the Registry of Deeds. This depends on where the property is registered.

This procedure is not complicated and it is not necessary to consult a solicitor. However, anyone who wants to protect their rights in this way should consult an experienced adviser, for example, at a Citizens Advice Bureau. To search for details of your nearest CAB, including those that can give advice by e-mail, click on nearest CAB."

Good luck, people are always here to listen :)

I am so sorry you are in such a dreadful situation and do hope that matters can be resolved in the best way for you personally.

(( hug ))

Hi Elaine, missed this earlier as I don't read much on Chat I just pmd you before spotting this.

You and me both except you married yours, I didn't.
I know what a tough time you have and we seem to be with similar selfish men, do try and get proper legal advice as to where you stand, make sure you have receipts of all you have spent on and in the house and home etc He is just a pig, same as the one here and you don't deserve it any more than I do.
You know where I am, take care and call me if you want, if you can.
Try not to let him see how upset you are, even if it's anger, don't let him see you react, it seems to make them worse I find.
Have a read on the Just Jean thread and you will see what happened to me on Saturday when we actually went out shopping together.
love and hugs
Lizxxx

Elaine, I am glad that you have got comfort from the response. Please do as Rose suggests and go to CAB for advice to protect your home. And please keep coming on here to chat to us.

Hello Elaine......l've sat here and read through the messages and l really don't know what to say.
You must be so relieved that you have put this thread on the boards, well done thats the first step to helping yourself:o)). l do hope you get some advice from CAB, also most solicitors will give 20 - 30 mins free advice, so find one in your area if you don't have CAB.

Massive ((((((HUGS)))))) to you for telling us, and keep coming on here, you have alot of support here:o))

Take care

jude xx

Elaine, I'm so sorry that life is so hard for you. I agree with the others, please seek advice.

May I say how much I admire your courage in staying in that situation? I couldn't live with a man like that and don't know where you find the strength.

Gwynne