General Chat

I was always told I was imagining things.as it was so many small incidents it was always very hard to get a hold of the situation in my mind,which,of course,made it even harder to deal with.

I am just so grateful to whoever wrote that article for putting it all together.

Seems we are having the 'Alternative Mothering Sunday' event on this thread.

In one respect I was lucky and had a wonderful dad. He did try to make up for the loss of mothering and the torment. I was always berated for being a daddies girl, but who could blame me.

My dad told me the facts of life when I was 16 he was horrified that mother had never told me. The monthlies, I was told was something you got and just had to put up with. This was because I thought I was going to die the first time and did not have a clue what was happening. My poor dad was mortified when I told him. He explained everything in such a kind and compassionate way. He had 8 sisters, so knew what he was talking about, and it was never something to be hidden or ashamed of in his family.

When my mother got dementia she finally told me she was proud of me, by then it did not matter any more. I did cry at her funeral, not for my loss but for hers.

Gail

Mine delighted in making a production of telling me and keeping on about it too.She was obsessed with all things gynaecological,especially if they brought a little attention to her.

I hit puberty very young,as do many who have sweets instead of affection,attention,interest,care and ridicule for being fat.

As I was going to be having puberty she decided it was time to start the longest menopause in world history.One phrase I particularly remember from her was,"Well we both got something happening to us gal,it's just that was is happening to me is more serious."

Not from where I was standing it wasn't!

I got an assesment with a pychologist and she asked me what do I want from the sesions with her if the pannel say I am going to get any sesions? I don't know.

What do people get from talking to them?

I did realise during or after that appointment that I am very afraid of critisisim.

I havent re-visited this thread since I originally posted and I still havent read back over my old posts.

I was just wondering has anyone thought of writing a book?? I have come to accept that I attract narcissistic people into my life. Its a steep learning curve, one that I think I will spend my life climbing but each day is a day closer to inner contentment. I am looking forward to the day I can spread my wings and soar like the butterfly I know I am somewhere underneath all the hurt.

I was at a conference a week or so back and heard a most wonderful speaker. She has overcome some adversity in her life and inspired me to try and be myself rather than be what everyone else expects of me. To this day I am still striving to be the 'perfect daughter' that my mother demands.........something that is far beyond my grasp...

love Theresa

There is a letter to Dr Miriam Stoppard in the Daily Mirror today from a woman whose mother is quite evidently narcissistic.

I have tried to send an e-mail comment to the column but it has one of those strange things where you have to copy the letters in a panel.I hve tried this three times and each time it rejects it as wrong.

Another chance lost to bring this unpleasant condition to the notice of somebody who just might make some effort to understand and publicise it,bringing some help to the poor kids who are suffering and bewildered through no fault of their own.

Just thought I would bring this up again because it does look very likely that Michael Jackson's father,Joseph,was narcissistic and that Michael himself bore the brunt of it.

Nudge for Liz.

Thanks Sharron, I put exactly the right title in the advanced search but this thread didn't come up.
so glad it hadn't been whooshed.

Lizx

nudging it for a friend to read....

"N"

great that you got this thread going sharron,
but i would like to "from the bottom of my heart thank a truly special lady "Liz" who so very kindly brought me to this thread,and listenend me out this week like no other before....xx
i have finally come to terms that my mum was like this,after reading this article.the second hand stuff is so familiar with me,amongst lots more.i had always thought she was jealouse of or hated me,but even me thinking this way made me feel bad...how could my mum mum be like that.....my mum no way....i have just realised it was not my fault, but it has scared me .What i would like to know is how do you ever get your own identity back.......and confidence............thank-you. "E"

Hi E.
I am glad you found the thread and other stuff about narcisstic mothers of interest and altho sad that you can relate to so much of it, now it helps you see why it happened and that it wasn't your fault. Print a bit out about the subject and take to the counsellor so that they can understand why you are low, and so that you don't have to take up so much time explaining it all, which would make you upset. Ask them if they don't know anything about the subject to read up a bit first so they can find a way to help you become yourself again.

Lots to do today so will wish you luck and catch up with you later.
Well done to you for facing your problems and hope you can soon get the help you need to enjoy life again.

love
Lizxxx

I suffered from a mother like this. I was never the lovely child my sister was, and she idolised my baby brother. I could be in another room, and if he cried I had done something to him. He was too young to remember the treatment I had as I left home when I was sixteen, and my sister was married and at the other end of the country, so she cant believe me either. I did very well at grammar school, but my mother never opened my school reports, and insisted I leave school the day I was sixteen, which was what dad signed for, and I didnt get the chance to take my exams. When I got married I did not invite her to my wedding, but she still managed to find my OH and tell him it wouldnt last six months as I was too flighty. I thank God that I was able to grow up into a reasonable human being.

Have just read some of the aeticle quoted, couldnt stomach the rest. I have now realised that my older sister is very like this, with me and her daughter. Her daughter does everything for her, washing , cleaning, shopping, her son does nothing but is the apple of her eye. When I have been ill she keeps well away, and when she sees me does not ask how I am, just if I can do something for her. She lives the opposite side of the road in a narrow street.

Jean, how awful that your own sister who lives so close to you, can't give you a hand when you need it - I bet you help her when she asks.

I haven't read the whole thread or article either, as it stirs up feelings I have tried to put behind me, don't think I have succeeded. I am sure my ocd is linked to the situation I was in when younger and even when an adult my mother could call on the guilt thing and make me feel bad altho I did stand up to her more by then.

Lizx

Earth your councellor will most likely of heard of this. Mine have.
I printed out an article I had found on google, and highlighted the bits which described mum, and in another colour the bits I felt like fitted me.

My Mum knows I have been really down with depression lately but still rings without asking how I am, then tells me she has fallen. Her back hurts ........... as if I don't have enough to worry about with Dad in hospital.

My oh can't stand the sight of her

thank-you "Liz & Carole,.........xxx

Can't tell you how pleased I am that this thread is up again.
I am sure every one of us has felt we are alone in this,as do the poor children who are growing up with it now.

Now I know what it is and can identify it I can see how it runs in families.

I gave a copy of the article to my doctor who said she didn't like reading it.I wonder if she can imagine how much I enjoyed living it?

Glad this has surfaced again as well.

My doctor would not be interested, can hardly get his attention anyway, so do not go much.

Carole, you should know by now that your mother is the most important of all, our problems are never worth thinking about. I remember when I was going through treatment for ovarian cancer and trying to tell my mother what was wrong and that I needed an operation, her comment was, "well I have a migraine and nothing could be as bad as that, you do not know how much I suffer".

So, had the operation and then she got nasty as I did not bother to tell her. What????? Well I did try, but her headache took precedence, and yes I probably caused it.

I did not know about narcissism until reading this thread, and now everything fits. Still difficult to deal with at times. It has answered many questions for me, that I never had and answer for.

Welcome to the newbys and at least now you know that you are not alone.

Jean, you have a sister, I have a younger Brother who was the golden child and still thinks he is. Not and never will be in my book.

Gail