Genealogy Chat

Still hanging in there for you Sammy. Presuming you've had no news?? XX Sioux

Nope Sioux... still no news Are you still visiting Aberystwyth? Hope you son is all better :) The doctor is aware of BIL's grandad's situation, very much so, there have been lots of visits, but what can be done when the person refuses help? And I mean FLATLY refuses. So BIL continues to stay with him, he used to stay 5 nights a wk anyway, now he stays 7. I think it's more the emotional stress rather than the physical running about, that is difficult. Thanks for all staying with me. By the way, my BIL bought his very first car last week! He immediately mentioned Aberystwyth, he has just shelved the idea of a visit for a little while Sam

Hi Sammy, Stilll tuned in and watching,,, BIL must be one chuffed fella being able to get behind the wheel of his own car,,,,,perhaps when the time is right he will maybe want to go to Wales even if its just to see where she lives, been there and done it belive me it does help just seeing where they are. Hope his Grandad is coping better,it does take time, Kay.

Hi Sammy, Just checking in too, what can we do when they FLATLY refuse? I wish I had the answer, but for now we carry on as best as we can. Hope BIL is as ok as he can be, and you and your sister as well. Amanda x

Still with you and thinking of you Sammy - keep your chin up love Christine

Thanks all XXXXXXXXXXXX

Hi Sammy Just to let you know that I am still with your thread. About Grandad, could your BIL arrange respite care for him in a home for a week or two and tell him he is going on holiday. He may accept that, rather than telling him he is going into care for a week or two. Your BIL will have to be firm and tell the authorities that he is going away and has things to sort out. He needs a brake as they won't do anything whilst he is appearing to be coping with the situation. They have to many demands on the services and not enough resources to go around. Great news about the new car by the way, I bet he is chuffed. Best wishes. Pat

There's an idea Pat, about going away and grandad having even a few days in respite. Thank you I'll definitely mention that to my BIL Sam

Hi Sammie, I'm only to pleased to help, In most cases like your BIL's Grandad, when they loose the partener they seem to go downhill rapidly. It seems like they give up and don't care anymore. Which is hard on the people close to them as they are also greiving as well. I hope all turns out well for you all. Best wishes. Pat

hi sammy is there any grandchildren who can tell him straight that he is going to have some help my aunt had the same problem with my nan and i just put my foot down i got the health vistor to come and then the dr and told him that my nan was to go in hospital(she was bad) or it would be is problem if she died here cause she was not eating or drinking u do after keep on to these people or they will walk all over u another think u can say is you are leaveing him on his own so so he will be in danger see what they say

Sammy, Having had my wife work as a care'er for an elderly lady, I would treat the statement by the person who looks after your brother-in-laws mother with the greatest suspicion, they have no right to give instructions like that, if neccessary get him to contact his mother's doctor for info and the the DSS health section, most Care'er's come under their umbrella. When my wife was working the relative's were informed of anything of importance which might have affected them right up to the time of death. Dont accept information from that source- check it out!!!!!!! Len

Thank you Len but my BIL has done everything possible to get info about his mother, he's met brickwalls all round. Social Services say due to client confidentiality they cannot discuss anything with him. They have quoted that to him with every question, even when asking if she is being looked after properly. He has no idea who her doctor is, but I presume he would give the same response, especially when BIL tells him he hasn't seen his mother since he was 3 and is now 36.

JULY 21st 2005 Hi everyone Nothing new I'm afraid, I just didn't want the thread to disappear. Things are at a standstill becausemy BIL is concentrating on his grandad. He's got 2 weeks holiday at the moment and he & my sister are taking a few days out with the children, well deserved too. I was only thinking this morning whether he would go to Aberystwyth or not, but that will involve an overnight stay and BIL is not willing to leave his grandad for that long yet. I will be sure to update if anything happens, finger's crossed for something good :) Sam

Just to let you know I am still checking your thread Sam, and thinking about you all. Poor BIL he must be exhausted. It's VERY tiring, physically + mentally looking after an old person who doesn't want to be looked after! I hope things work out eventually for you all. Take care Ann x ps: did age concern offer any help regarding checking up on his mothers circumstances?

Hi Sammy - Yes, I too have been following your B I L's plight with concern and a lot of sympathy. I'm with Margaret Atkinson - raising the subject of dementia in his grandfather. Has the GP suggested getting the local old age psychiatric consultant involved? In our local psychiatric hospital we have two assessment wards where behaviour, medication etc can be monitored for two or three weeks and if it's referred to as a 'little holiday' many patients accept it quite happily. What kept me afloat through my husband's 15 years of progressive dementia was regular attendance at the dementia support group where we learn many invaluable ploys for living with the situation. Men seem to find it more difficult than women a) to get time off work and b) to admit they're having problems and then to share them, but we have several who look after wives or parents and find it a life-saver. I suggest you might enquire about groups from your nearest Alzheimer's society (which covers other forms of dementia as well), hospital or surgery. I've heard so often how one partner has covered for the illness of the other so successfully for years that when that partner dies everything goes pear-shaped. I really think that getting the psychiatric service involved would be your B I L's best bet - I know from both first and second-hand just what a strain he must be under with his grandfather - let alone the trauma of his B M. I'm sending him loads of positive thoughts - he needs them! Love Liz Did you say that the grandfather is Polish? There seem to be a lot of young people from Eastern Europe over here at the moment polishing their language skills and doing all sorts of jobs to earn money. He might react very positively to hearing his native language - especially from a charming young lady!!

Hi Sammy, Sorry to hear no good news, but you have posted something important, you didn't want your thread to disappear. We who are following it won't let it! Am sure lots of us are still with you. Just thought you may have needed a bit of space in life so haven't added for a while. Love Amanda x

Thank you all Ann, AC have a 10 week wait for non urgent cases :( Linda, he's Unkrainain and that's a nice idea but new faces seem to upset him at the moment. Thanks Amanda, even though I'm not adding to the thread ( I don't like adding if nothings happening, don't want members to think ''Not that again!' LOL) my BIL is always in the back of my mind Sam

Hi Sam BIL is on all our minds too, I think! So, 10 weeks for non urgent cases!! I dread to think what is classed as urgent!, still I suppose it's better than nothing eh. Good luck Sam We are thinking of you all Regards Ann x

My sister & BIL are going to Aberystwyth on Wednesday 3rd August. He says he's going to knock on the door, I just hope his mother is at home and will actually speak to him. At least if she answers the door he will get to SEE her for the first time in 33yrs, but I know he is hoping for more than that. It is something he knows he just has to do, whatever the outcome. I'll be sending ~*~Happy Thoughts~*~ to Aberystwyth on Wednesday, and you will all be the first to know what happens. Thank you for staying with me Sam xxx

Excellent- something had to come of this- lets hope it turn out well for all. Jess x