Genealogy Chat

Hello there, I was wondering if anyone can help me? My father was adopted shortly after his birth circa 1961. I know that children who have been adopted can try to find their biological parents. However, my father is now deceased and I wondered if anyone knows how easy or difficult it would be for me to try to find them? I have my own children and I think it's really important to know from where you are descended! Many thanks in advance!

Hi Helen I'm sorry I can't answer your question. What I would do if I were you. Go to www.adoptionsearchreunion.org.uk and click into locating records. This will guide you to who to approach and ask if they can help you. Good luck with your search. Cheers Gerry

thanks re: the adoption website, will give it a go!

helen, you say your father - the adoptee , is now deceaced, born C 1961 - dont you know when your own dad was born? i think you might find accessing his adotion records very hard, even with the change in the law Social services are reluctant to divulge info i case like this, How old are your children? surely they are decended from you and your husband, and that is all they need to know until such a time as the are in their late teens or so, is it really worth confusing them? My mother has altzheimers and blabbed to my neice and nephew that their dad wasn't her son - one very confused 8 year old grandson - my brother doesnt want to know, so cant answer Boys Q's Jess

Well actually It's not just for my children, it's obviously my own curiousity. I wasn't particularly close to my dad, my mother divorced him when I was 3 and he didn't really make contact til 2 years before he died. I do have 2 half sisters by his 2nd marriage and I think that it's important to all of us to know where we come from. He died aged 40 of cancer, I think there are some pretty important medical questions that need answers also! If you gave birth to a child when you were 16 and forced to give him up, wouldn't you want to know that you have grandchildren and that your own child is deceased? My own children are 2 and 11 months, but I realise it could take several years to investigate. I HOPE THIS ANSWERS ALL OF YOUR QUESTIONS????

oh and i said he was adopted circa 1961, he was born late 1960.

Hi re would you want to know you had grandchildren...... My birth father went around the country ruining lives like you couldn't believe,he broke up at least nine marriages and left at least 12 children to 10 different women across the whole land. In my case as soon as my mother fell pregnant he beat her silly several times,(not that uncommon with his other partners either) and nearly cost me my life because of one really savage attack when my b/m was just seven months pregnant. Some people would be curious as to know what happened to their offspring,but with this 'character' (hardly a man by any stretch of the imagination) he just didn't give a hoot. Glen

Hi Helen I'm sure you will appreciate that it is going to be quite difficult to trace your late father's birth family, because there were - and still are - various rules and regulations in place to protect adopted people and birth relatives. However, as a starting point you could contact your local Social Services department. Even if it's not the same area in which your dad was adopted, they should be able to give you some basic advice. You could also try Norcap's website - they are a registered adoption counselling charity/service www.norcap.org Please don't assume that because your birth grandmother was 'forced' to give her baby up she will be pleased to have contact with you now. Some birth mothers are very traumatised by having to give their baby up that they push the events out of their minds and get on with their lives. Others, of course, just don't give a damn. Every birth mother is different, so please be prepared for this. Best wishes Mandy :)

Hi Glen, What a horrific set of circumstances. Glad you are here to tell the tale! I will try the website suggestion and see if I can get anywhere. You bring up a very interesting point Mandy, to be honest I'm not even sure I want to meet her but I would just like to know a little bit more...... It's like theres a big piece of the jigsaw missing. Strangly enough, my Dad had no interest in finding his family and felt that his mother had abandoned him. I think this had a lot to do with him generally being an unhappy character. Sometimes violent, certainly volotile and he found it hard to forge relationships. I think there was a feeling that if he searched for his birth mother, he would somehow offend his adoptive parents. Perhaps I am lucky that because of my parents divorce at such a young age, I don't really feel any sense of loyalty in that respect.

Hi Helen As the old saying goes 'You can pick your friends......' Glen

Hi Helen, I had a daughter in 1968 who I had to have adopted. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. When I met my husband I told him about my daughter and that I intended to find her when she was older. I registered with Norcap when she was old enough to make enquiries of her own. I also contacted the Social Services in the town she was born. All the information she needed to contact me was left with them and eventually I got a letter from Norcap saying they had been contacted by her but needed a copy of her birth certificate to confirm this. My daughter and I have now got a wonderful relationship. If you phone Norcap the people there will give you information on all the possible ways you may find the help you need. I hope that makes sense!! Good luck in your search.

Jess, I did actually answer all of your questions, but have decided to remove the posting, because to be honest I don't really think it is any of your business how old my children are or my motivation into searching. The information I initially posted was sufficient for the query I made and if I wanted to give an account of personal details and circumstances I would have done so. Your abrupt and abrasive tone applied to the question whether I knew my father's birth year was unwarrented and uneccessary. If you re-read the posting, it makes perfect sense, he was adopted circa 1961. Thanks for all your kind replies and i'm sorry if I appear sharpe, I do not see why I should try to justify my need to trace my relatives. Why does anyone visit this site? Surely we all want the same thing?

I could be wrong but I was led to believe that as next of kin to an adoptee who is deceased,you can in those circumstances view their adoption file-I could have the wrong end of the stick,so if anyone knows otherwise feel free to correct me on this.

I had a similar situation a while back -my first husband was adopted and sadly died in 1974. I tried to find out his birth name but was told by the authorities that this could only be given to the adopted person-difficult when he is no longer with us. Later I was told that as I have his adoption certificate with the necessary numbers I could contact Kew House ? Not sure if that's right......someone will surely know the right name. I found that once I could find out his birth family I was hesitant to do so. Since then I have been given details about his birth mother from his adopted family so now I know. Good luck.

Sorry you found my tone abrasive - it wasnt intended that way - just wondered how motivated you were and suchlike. Your father is the same age as me, you are therefore not that old - possibly explains your tone to me too, from first hand experience i can tell you how confusing it is for samll children to not understand their 'grandparentage' , for want of better terminology. my mother has Altheimers and blurted to her grandson that she wasn't his real granny - but can offer no name as to who is - she shouldnt have done it, but that is a mental health issue - all i was trying to say was, dont do it too young. oh well Jess

Jess, I do not wish to get into a slanging match. However, you do seem to be rather adept at making sweeping statements. 'you are therefore not that old'..... what difference does that make? I'm not that old, but I'm not that young either! I didnt't realise that my age would be an issue. My father was 40 when he died, which makes it all the more tragic when I think that somewhere is a woman who carried a child for 9 months and gave birth to him and doesnt even realise that her child has passed away. Perhaps it is because I have had my own children recently that I can empathise with the thought of parting with the life you have created and nurtured. I do not want to go down the route of 'but only adoptees know what it feels like' because quite frankly it isn't just the child adopted out who is the adoptee but all their family too. I have nothing to go on. No family history, no idea of medical history (very difficult when answering midwives questions), Sometimes I look at my youngest daughter and she looks like my father across the eyes and I think..... I wonder if she takes that from her gran!? At the end of the day, I asked the question and there have been several positive responses, so I'm glad I did. I just hadn't realised that it was going to turn into an interogation!

Only you are turning it that way, I'll say no more because i really dont agree with your thought pattern good luck , i hope you find what you are looking for jess

Don't get upset about it Helen.........do what you feel is the right thing to do.

S...........orry to butt in on your thread Helen(I dare NOT start a thread of my own in case my kids see it!). But strangely enough TODAY my daughter rang me to say she had tried the free trial on Ancestry, looked for all the family + Guess what. I wasn't there!.................I was mortified, I haven't told my kids I was adopted.I wont go into all the emotions of why I didn't. Just lets say at the moment I am PANICing in a big way. Do I tell them now? or pretend my name has just been mis-spelt. Their Grandparents are both now dead.......My adoptive Mum died 3 years ago(thats when I started researching my B/Family) I am 50+ and it is going to be SO hard to tell my kids(now adults) that its all been a lie........ sorry again Helen. Ann x

Helen, I think you have to do what you feel is right and when the time is right as well. Ann, You do not need to feel mortified at all, like yourself I was nearly 50 when I told my children, also adults, that I was adopted, there had seemed no point before as the question had not arisen. My daughter said 'Yippee, I've got three Grandmas!!' Just to give you a bit a laugh. Good luck, Sue E-mail me if you want to talk any more.