General Chat

It could be....I don't know but I have stopped looking for reason and more of ways to control it....its not like having a bad head or abroken leg at times you are unaware that you are acting differantly...I used to blame it on PMT all sorts...

I have realized that most of my problems come from my situation and I am trying my very best to alter that.

Now that six transit loads of my mother's treasures have been assigned to the tip I feel a lot more motivated and sussing out what the other half was doing with the money made a big difference too.

Carole LOL, I'd like my kitchen to look nice and tidy too, my sink IS clean and shiny, but tidy - well I don't know where all the stuff comes from, especially when I've decluttered heaps already.
I LOVE being in the kitchen, not sure why, if it's satisfaction from successful experiments, or the aroma of food cooking, or pleasure of providing for my family OR is it just the freedom to cook what I want, when I want to, with nobody standing over me , telling me I'm doing it the wrong way. The other aspect I suppose goes back to WWII when I was but a child, nothing could be thrown away, every bit of the rations must be used to benefit the whole family (except when my brother threw a bucket of coal dust in the cake batter). I also love going downstairs, seeing rows of canning to get my family through the next year, to open the freezer and find suppers put together, ready to throw in the slow cooker . Make a lot of mess one day and have 10 suppers prepared in bags, then when it's time to cook, there's no mess.
Dear Louise I hope your spirits will lift a bit, an inch at a time, with a lot of support from this thread.
Gill, you really got me thinking, girl . . . .
Ben congrats on your research and excellent summary, nice to have a mystery solved.
Now if someone could figure out why my great grandmother changed her surname, and that of her 3 sons, and why her brother also changed his name, I'd be a happy woman LOL.
Deanna, sending hugs to you and Allen.
Caz hope you're feeling a bit better.
Liz tell your OH to get out of your way when you soak your feet, it's your right to pamper yourself. my ex wouldn't "let" me paint my nails in the house, now I'm big and strong I wouldn't let him push me around, but that was then. My "kids" still cheer when I cook rice successfuklly, because for 10 years I lost the ability to cook it, because of his harrassment.
Sharron you are doing a wonderful job with your Dad, loving him, providing challenges, giving him freedom to putter in the garden, my Dad died when I was 30, I've been without him more than 1/2 my life. Although (because I work with Alzheimers and other forms of dementia) I've often felt gratitude that he didn't have to suffer the indignity of dementia, I'd give anything to have him puttering beside me in the garden, trimming my hedges so "expertly" that they had to be dug up and replaced, to give him moments of happiness. Give your Dad a hug for me.
Today's project is baking all the shredded zucchini into choc cake or cupcakes for the childrens lunches.
Carole I admit I love being in the kitchen, but you are right, it would look better without the tomato juice on the cupboard fronts and the floor, another project . . . . I've rationalised that if I wash the ceramic tile floor, it will be slippery and, with the speed I move at times, a safety risk. I can't slip if it's sticky !!! Haven't got time for a fall . . . .
Back to work on the zucchini, I am so loving being home during the week,while Colleen is away,only working every second w/e till the end of October then back to full-time till the end of December. Then In January I start a lovely part-time schedule, 3 days on, a week off, then 4 days on and another week off.
Seems the pumpkin farm trip is cancelled today because it's going to rain, and no point in spending the money and only having an hour or so. Suddenly quite cool. problem with this area, there is No spring, minimal autumn, we seem to go striaght from hot to cold. Stop complaining, I have a house I love, everyone is happy, well-fed and cared-for, even the cat has mellowed out recently.
Hugs to all, sorry to ramble,someone has thrown away the key for my on-switch LOL.
MAry

Hi Mary, sorry the trip was cancelled but better than wasting money on a short trip, something to look forward to later on. That courgette/zucchini cake sounds scrummy. I never seem to get round to making cakes now.
I am glad you are enjoying your time at home, hectic tho it sounds, and so pleased you will be working differently in the new year, sounds great and you will maybe achieve more by having the time off like that. Not that you don't achieve wonderful things now lol

take care, talk soon,
love
Lizxxx

love to all - am trying to keep up with things but not doing very well at the mo!
Lizxx

Hi to Dawn, Clare, David and Louise. It is just wonderful to see new members to this thread. It is great to be able to join in, but sometimes easier via PM if you are a bit hesitant to put your thoughts to the boards.

I does get easier to write on here, I know I was only looking in and reading for quite a while before being able to join in. Have had so much help and support on the thread and via PM.

You are family just by saying I am here and no longer a stranger. It wont take long before you get to know us better.

Thinking of all of you.

Love and hugs

Gail

Good morning everyone.

Carole thanks love, I am fine this morning.. woke up with no pain!! Ssssshhhhhhh don't let the pains hear me!!

I have washed and dressed but have not brushed my hair yet,,, gotta do it.

David, yes if you are down ,,, do something.
BUT we are talking depression.
Getting out of bed is often a big big job.
It is sometimes so bad, that we need someone to take us by the hand and show us the way and even then that may not help.
If you can just *do something* then you are often just FED UP....and I have been there too, but depression is far more devastating believe me.
I have been in such a state that I just don't even want to talk........ now THAT is depression. I could talk for England.
Hope you all have a good Sunday. See you later.
Lots of love,
Deanna XXX

David, Claire, Louise & Dawn, WELCOME.

Gail I appreciate your comment "You are family just by saying I am here and no longer a stranger. It wont take long before you get to know us better."

Reminds me of the saying "Strangers are friends we haven't met yet."

I agree depression is a big issue, difficult to explain to people who have never experienced it, and to be told from a child "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" or "this won't get the baby washed" one lives ones life thinking they are not good enough; surely I should be able to get out of bed, surely I should be able to wash a few bits of laundry.
A couple of summers ago,and previously 4 summers ago, I never went out the door into my garden, could not get my self to take the first step. You know I love the garden, love being outside, but when one starts to shake when you reach the door, after a while one stops trying. Meals become a free-for-all, eat what you can find, Mum is sleeping.
On one occasion, the depression was so severe that I was non-verbal for 10 days, slept almost the whole time, until the medication finally reached appropriate blood levels and a light came on.

Others may interpret depression as laziness. It is not .We are made to feel guilty over inactivity. We are made to feel guilty over a messy environment when it's too overwhelming to take the first step. For me, and many others, I think this may come from the perfectionist within, who expects our environment to be perfect, has difficulty accepting anything less, but when overwhelmed, cannot take a single step to correct it. It's helped me a lot to use 15 minute incrementws with a timer. I CAN do anything for 15 minutes. there's relief when the timer goes off, it is OK to stop now. Inch by inch the situation is cleared.
Yesterday, I was upset because the dog had been left in the house while we were out, came home to find a deposit on the bedroom carpet. A messy deposit which I managed to step in. My daughter helped me clean up, then went and got the carpet cleaner to shampoo my carpet. Having to move chairs, she commented that there was too much stuff - my room had become a dumping spot since we moved in last November. I have been aware of the disaster but walked past it for weeks because it was just too much to cope with. I used my 15 minutes and got quite a lot cleared. There's more to do, but now I can do it. As she also struggles with depression, Colleen understood and gave reassuring and helpful comments rather than criticism. her depression started with a post-partum depression, but she is unable to take medication because anti-depressant meds lower the seizure threshold. She has epilepsy and in order to maintain her drivers licence, must be seizure-free for 2 -5 years. She cannot risk lowering the threshold. Her ex was very non-supportive of depression - he would say "not this mental thing again", which of course only made the depression worse.

Her ex f-i-l took us all out for a meal last evening, what a treat. I had a steak for the first time since I left my husband in1995. Was it delicious, cooked just right, with cranberry chutney and melted Brie on top. Yummmmmy. The children's meals came with ice cream, which they shouldn't eat, but once they saw it, Colleen decided to let them have it for once. BIG mistake, Gareth and Sarah have been up most of the night. Now we'll have to keep them up all day so they sleep tonight.
Sorry to ramble, my brain is on overdrive at present.
Hugs all round,
Mary

I still wonder if depression is something we learn.A kind of way of dealing with an environment we can't change.

I certainly learned to switch off from the world and can still lose hours.Some days I can see exactly what needs doing and tackle it with gusto and others can see nothing that needs doing in this season at least.

My mother hated housework and was even more vile on the odd ocasion she did some.I learned to freeze into the corner of the sofa while she hurled the abuse over the top of the sound of the Hoover.To this day I can't be helped with housework..If anybody else starts I hide in the corner of the sofa again.The hoover doesn't get out much either.

Hi all!!! remember me? Ainlt been on here for a while, have been enjoying myself on Trying to Find and Records - you know - genealogy!!! Anyway, there's a lady just come on Trying to Find looking for relatives of hers who suffer from the same genetic disorder as she has - neurofibromatosis. She sounds pretty poorly - I have a mild form of that condition, but nothing to really bother me. Anyway, to cut a long story short I have told this lady, Carol Westerman, all about this thread and suggested to her that she join in as I am sure she will benefit from the support everyone gives each other on here. So all I wanted to do was ask you to keep an eye out for her if she does venture on. Thanks a lot, Ann XX

My recent earlier contributution saying "do something" was'nt meant to be at all abrasive.
I was just making a very short statement that just might have got the sufferer moving, doing etc.
I've suffered from it in the past and let what seemed like days pass me by while in a form of introversion. Then stood up washed and shaved and went for a long walk. Always helped, got me out of myselff.

Gill, I don't know what to say. I know what you are saying though! I hope we can help you off the thread if that's possible. Keep looking in like you did before.
You have my email address, so don't hesitate to use it. I'll be thinking of you every day. We will all be here waiting to see you and hear from youxxxxx

David I took your message as helpful. Exercise is what the doctors recommend. I also think that by giving yourself some little thing to aim for is helpful.
Once you achieve a little goal, it teaches you that you can do whatever. The more you sit staring at the tv swinging your leg the worse you get. But I do mean little goals. Give yourself too big a goal and you don't make it, that is too much to cope with. So if that goal is to get out of bed and you make it, next goal is to shower. :o)

Ann GG ~~~~x Oh look at you, aren't you brown!! xx
I'll look out for Carole xx

Louise what you been doing today? xx

Liz did you get the photo I sent you of my daughter? xx My son stays well away from cameras. I hope I can get a photo of him one day!! How are you? Still feeling tired and battered with grief? Come to me and lets have a little hug (((there))). Rubs your back
and gives you a gentle hug xxx

Eileen, Mary, Caz C, Caz Y, Deanna, Elaine ( good luck tomorrow), Angela, Dawn, Wendy (haven't seen you for a while), Ben, Kathy, Jules, Paula, Joyce, Betty, (who has gone away but will be back) Sharron, Gail, Claire,

Tonight oh and I were watching a programme and during the break we went to put the bins out. I came back in, and meant to press rewind on sky + but pressed text. So I couldn't rewind. I felt bad, I felt I would get shouted at and told I was stupid. I didn't, and in 28 years with him he hasn't talked to me like that. So these fears come from my mum and dad who would have shouted and made me feel bad. I dropped a plate after dinner which smashed on the floor, again the fear of being shouted at. We took the dog out of the way so he wouldn't get any splinters in his foot and cleaned up. But I was nearly in tears!

David I do not think anyone took offence at your suggestion. I know I did not.

Usually, when very down, I work on my tree on mow the lawn (when there is grass) I find that I can then cut out the white noise in my brain. These two things are the only things that give me peace at the bad times. I tend to get all the small bits and pieces on my tree that I have put aside.

Getting motivated is the hard part, some morning just getting out of bed is a challenge. The temptation not to go back to bed is a bigger challenge.

Claire, I have the same problem with sleep after a good day. I think it is because we are so pleased that we have actually achieved something it get the adrenalin flowing. It is not warped looking forward to visiting the counsellor, it is the fact that you are doing something to help yourself. Good luck with the visit.

Carole, we tend to carry the being scared at doing the wrong thing for such a long time. OH breaks a plate no problem, I break on and I feel my world is going to come crashing down. It does not of course, but the fear and guilt is there.

Hope you are all feeling better today.

Love and hugs

Gail

Hi Gail,

Hope things are a bit better for you at the mo.

I am struggling to keep all the balls in the air and hope this week while he is on late shift, to catch up with lots of things before he has his almost-a-week off work, which will be a nightmare, no respite for 4 days lol

Can empathise with everyone but not up to responding to much at the moment, doesn't mean I don't care, just can't get my head round things.
hope you have a good week, everyone
love
Lizxx

Carole, thanks for the hug, it was just what I needed - sending some back to you too.

Would love to see pics of your lad too when you can catch him. Mine is used to me snapping away lol

xxx

Gill thinking of this morning. What are you going to do with yourself today? Do you have photos you would like to share? Liz, Gail Claire and I have shared some. It's great to see them and their family. Gail's house is so pretty. I've been there on google!! Went
to Eileens last week as well, when I went with her to her meeting! (no not really, only cyber)

Good morning all and be good today :o) xxxx

hi just me love to everyone

love and hugs

carolina xx

Hi everyone old and new

Sorry if I have worried you Carole with not posting for a while .I have been reading the posts though .

Son has started uni here and I even managed to get him to the doc last week .I hope things will start to improve now and that I get the money problem sorted out .

I went to church yesterday and I didn't panic !! It was a lovely service and several of the people asked me why I hadn't been for so long which was nice that I had been missed .

Have to go cut the grass as they collect this week .Son did the back yesterday so it is only the front .

Love and hugs to you all

Kathy xxxx

Hi Kathy, I tried to ring you Saturday, don't know if J told you lol?

Glad things are getting sorted, will call you later on.

Glad too you got to Church, you must have been pleased you did it for many reasons.
take care,
love and hugs
Lizxx

Kathy nice to see you. Pleased J is back at uni. Hope he gets into it this year. Also good that you got out yesterday. It takes a lot of effort when you are feeling down, so well done. Bet you felt good for it. xxx

Carolina, lovely to see you too xxx

Gill what have you done today? xx

Liz are you feeling tired today? Try to do a little, it will help you pick yourself up xx

Louise hows work been today? I guess you are training in work. You look lovely today!! :o) xx

Claire thinking of you xx

Eileen are you okay love? xx My car has gone to the garage to be looked at.

Gail I wonder if I could copy some of my stuff about becoming more confident and email it to you. Would you be interested? xx

Mary shame the trip was cancelled. Hope you will get there another day.xx

Dawn do you have any plans to do anything this week? xx

Caz Y how is the pain relief working? xx

Caz C thinking of you xx

Angela are you okay. You know if I can listen you only have to sit down I'll be here xxx

Jules ~~~~xx

Ann G are you home now? xx
It's been very hot hasn't it in Tenerife?
Hope you didn't get burnt like Ann GG

Ben have you met the young lady yet?xx

Dave is the pain in your shoulder any better?x

Deanna, you are very quiet are you okay ? xx

Elaine thinking about you and your oh, hope you both got to the hospital okay today xx

Sharron have you been out in the garden again today? xx

Paula thinking of youxx

Betty hope you have a good time while away xx

Hello everyone,

Haven't been around for some time-again, but, the longer I don't post, the more difficult it becomes.Can't explain this, but, it may be because I was used to 'sorting' things nearly all my life.Mary, you say some things about your depression etc. that sound familiar.Haley too.When I was about 10, not long out of hospital (5 long years), my mother started working at London hospital at nights, even all through holidays.She was so determind to give us a good start in life.Anyway, after a time, I remember her coming in early mornings, often grey with fatigue,but started stepping over all the cats in the hall! Of course there were none, but she 'saw'them. It was very scary. I didn't understand then that she was having a nervous breakdown.Back then, it was unheard of for someone to admit this, you had to get on with things, pull up your socks etc.For the rest of her life, she was depressed, though didn't know it herself, and we didn't talk about it.
Anyway, I just want to say hello and thank those who mention me, and wish you all a good day.
Also must add that Carole (tinkerbell) really made me laugh when she put the following on this thread;
"I'm coming with you, hang on while I get there...then,Can you feel me holding your hand".So funny! This was on the day I had that horrible meeting.
On some of the threads on General & Chat, I have to laugh a lot sometimes.The humour, running commentaries..very witty.It makes me feel as though I have landed in an episode of The Goon Show.Wouldn't dare add though, am not witty enough.
Am off to Amsterdam again on wednesday, will stay over, as I hate coming back very late at night, you never know if you will miss the connection, or that the trains just don't run,often because someone has jumped again.This happens too frequently.Those poor lost souls!
Must try shift this heavy feeling, and be more positive, like my handicapped daughter. She puts me to shame. I never tell her how I feel, because she is always so positive and forward-looking,in spite of her terrible, continual pain, and discomfort. I am not even allowed to try help her,with, for instance, a kettle or pot.Wants to do everything she can, as long as possible, but the day is coming when she can do nothing at all. I would be VERY happy to be able to carry her terrible burden of illness etc.wish it WAS me.If any of you have read 'Of Mice and Men', you will know what I mean about my daugher reminding me of Lenny.She keeps saying "when I am cured", God love her....When I was with her a couple of weeks ago, I was very frightened one day,when I noticed how blue her lips were, and how much difficulty she had with breathing. I said nothing about this, knowing how she would react, and knowing that nothing can be done for her.The heart can take so much.....
Sorry for rambling on, won't do it again, if possible.

Thank you all for listening.

Love from Eileen x

Thought I had better check in and say hallo, still trying to clear the washing, we have unpacked everything and now have all the photos to download.
Carole, no didn't get burnt, made sure we wore first factor 50 on faces and 40 on body, then 30 on both for the rest of the time until the last few days when we wore 15. we are both very brown with no sunburn.

I have read through but there are too many posts to reply to and some new 'faces' on here too. see! Turn my back for 4 weeks!! Welcome to any I have not met.

Ann
glos