General Chat

I have spent the last hour sitting on the bedroom floor, re reading all the notes I wrote to my hubby. He kept every single one. (must admit I did too) I can't part with them and haven't been able to bring myself to sort out the clothes, hurts when I see them but scared it'll hurt more if I don't It's nine months since he died, and this is the time I find hard to look back on the last year as it's when his illness started to get much worse. The pain is not as intense, but do I miss him so much. I know he'd hate me to feel too sad, he was so brave and never once complained. it was our strength together and sense of humour that got us through. I think of both that strength and humour which stays with me & know that it keeps me going, helped by the chuckles and company from all the great people on GC. I was really feeling sorry for myself last night (going through a bad bit) but joining in on the boards really cheered me up, thanks to all for that! Sorry didn't want to put the mockers on everyone's Friday night, Have a great one, I'm ok and it just helps to put things down somehow. Still smiling (:-)))

Lynda, i'm speechless! Can only imagine the pain.... Much love to you. Please keep going with the boards, i'm sure it will help you. Pam x

lynda i feel so much for you. let me give you a big hug((((huggggg)))) love susie xx

Lynda looking at your special memories, will help you, you may have tears, but his love is always with you,i am a true believer that something of the spirit stays withyou theres nothing wrong in talking to hubby, he right next to. A friend of mine lost his mum when he was 9 hes 58 now and still goes to talk with his mum, and my boyfriend does this to and hes 43. you will never ruin my evenings, when feel the need to shout scream or laugh you do it girl!!!!!!!!!! i'll always be here for you if you need me lots of hugs sent to you sandra

Oh Lynda! Words are never enough. But you are with friends and it does help to put things down. Time will ease your pain and your friends are there to call on, to share your pain. My thoughts are with you and I can barely write this. My warmest hugs and love are sent to you. Jo.x

Thank you all so much for your messages, It's lovely to know I have such friends out there. I had been doing pretty well, it's a bit like a wave I guess and I know it will hit more from time to time. It makes me realise how important life is and how we relate to others. Your great people, thank you.!!

Lynda Huge Huggggs Love Jan

Gaynor Thanks so much, your so right GC is special it's helped me a lot over the past 2-3 months since I joined, not just on the genealogy side. I know that there are others beside me who are also going through difficult times and it's the support and kind words of everyone thats helps people through.

Lynda, Keep all of those notes, they are very precious and always will be. You will know when the time is right to sort the clothes. Don't rush into anything.You are still greiving and its early days yet. Keep your chin up, all these great people on GC will give you all the support they can. You are my thoughts, Viv. :¬)

Viv Thanks so much No I would never part with the notes (all cards as well) As you say about knowing the right time to sort, I guess It isn't now. Sometimes I think I'm trying to run before I can walk! Just not ready to cut the string and let go of the balloon. Lorr Thank you too I guess there is a gutsyness about me, I think Ray helped me with that, I also feel I have been given a lot of help. (from wherever) I know you have been through it too over the last few months and it's so good that we can all be here for each other. I do feel that despite feeling that sadness, I will see some light at the end of the tunnel. There are others who are still going through it. Bless you all Lynda

Lynda, Having read your message, I felt for you so much. It is still very early days for what you have been through and time spent in this way is all part of the grieving process. My father died six years ago and just recently, having a sort out, came across one of his letters to me...it still makes me have a little boo. So just remember where your friends and family are. Take care, love Sue

Sue Thanks so much for your reply. I realise that It will take time and need to allow myself that, maybe it's because we think others expect us to be further ahead than we are and that's perhaps not the case. I can be fine for some time and have been moving forward, doing well. Just have to accept these times will happen. It's a good thing that we can keep the ones we love alive in out hearts Thank you for your kindness lynda

Hi Lynda, I lost my lovely Mam last March, and 2 of my best friends lost their Dads weeks before that. So i have seen a lot of grief in the last two years. I can very much relate to your feelings about the letters. We, like you, knew Mam was dying, so the grieving started before we lost her. Mam had Alzheimers, and it took her from us the year before she actually died. She no longer knew me--it was heart-breaking to have my once vibrant Mam ask "Who's your Mam?" I will never forget the last time I saw her before she died--it was like she had been taken from us and all that was left was her shell. In the months before we lost her, Dad gave me and my sister her special box of letters to go through, in case we wanted to keep anything. I made the mistake of going through the whole box at once, and it set me back for days. I couldn't stop crying over all her little treasures she'd kept--our little drawings from school, my little love letters to her, etc, all the things we hadn't realised had been so precious to her. At this time, I was given John McCarthy's book 'A Ghost upon your Path'. It's about John's journey to research his family tree in Ireland, and how this led him to rediscover his relationship with his Mother, who died during his captivity in the Lebanon. I recommend this book to anyone who has lost a Mum, and it may help you too, Lynda. I realised from John's experience, that I could still have a relationship with Mam, even though she was going to die. I hunted out all the letters Mam had written to me over the years (thank goodness I kept them!), and cried, but I laughed even more at her funny way of writing (she wrote just like she talked), and her little stories. I keep one of her letters in my bedside drawer--on the bottom she'd written "nighty night sleep tight". I have found great comfort in putting photos of her before she got ill, when she was smiling and laughing, around the place. I chat to her now and again, and still hear her advice (and tellings off!). I have to tell you that, from my own and all my friends experience, it honestly does get easier after the first year. The firsts are the worst--first birthday, anniversary (first Mothers Day was very hard, as it was only five days after the funeral).Dad and Mam were married 40 years and very very much in love. Dad still misses her, still cries, but he is coping incredibly well. I still cry, but I laugh more, and still feel her close by. Talking to the people who miss her, and to people who have been through it, has all helped. Also, since starting my research, I have found lots of new family--Mam would be thrilled, aso she was always very proud of her huge family. Thinking of you. hope i haven't rambled too long, and hope this helps a bit. Lots of love.X

Sally Thank you, no you didn't ramble at all. I am so sorry to hear about your Mother, you also must have gone and still going through a very difficult time. My Father had Alzheimers 2 years before he died, so I know how painfull it can be for the rest of the family. I hope and pray it gets easier for you too Karin Thank you for your words of support and your hugs too! Linda I know I'm not the only one on GC going through this, I'm sorry to hear of your sadness too, yes your right It does come when you least expect it. At least we all know we are not alone. Thank you all Lynda xxx

i feel for you Lynda let me give you a hug ,you are very brave to sit and read the letters they will make you sad but strange as it may seem they do help, my dear mum wrote in a diary every day for 27 years after my dad died when she died three years ago i sat and read every one of those diarys she always said it would make enjoyable reading,there are also letters she wrote to dad when he was in hospital they would exchange the letter each day when she went to see him.I have still got lots of mums things i cannot part with, i still now get them out to read yes i do have a good cry after but it gives me a lot of peace as well ,take care , we are all out there for you if you need to talk. Love Margaret

Lynda, I have so much admiration for you!! Your words have touched me so much. Your loss, well there is nothing I can really say that will heal your pain, I just can't read this without replying. You are coping and that is more than I feel I would do! You are right that you know your husband would not want you to feel like this, but it must be so hard trying to put on the big brave face every day. All I can say is that you are at least with friends and the people here can be classed as that. I have seen it for myself many times and am glad that you come and have a chat when you are feeling a bit down. Take care of yourself, and sending massive hugs to you Allie xx

It's so brave of you to tell all of us out here exactly how you feel. Get if off your chest, a trouble shared is a trouble halved. You have friends out here. God bless, take care. Jo X

My mother's house was cleared out before I got a chance to get anything of hers - but I do have something that's mine, I have my memories of a wonderful person. They will stay with me always, as your memories will stay with you.

Lynda It must have been devastating to lose your husband, but I do know a little of how you feel having just lost my best friend. I can't believe what a comfort everyone is here on GC - you are NOT spoiling anyone's Friday night, we'd all be cross if you were sat home alone upset! Love and hugs, Mandy x

lynda, i have been so moved by what i have read on this thread, keep your chin up,you don't forget,you just move on. i have'nt lost a husband (i'm a single parent)but i lost my dad when i was 14,(he was only 40)my nan when i was 18,and my best friend when i was 24(she was the same age)and my dog 3 years ago,maybe not the same thing to some people but she was part of the family,i'm always thinking of them. it helps to talk tho', take care lynda, my thoughts are with you. chris.