General Chat

page 14 is there its out of sinc with the rest of the pages, dont worry about it and carry on Maggie

Hi Maggie, Coming up with two bottles of wine to drown our sorrows. The vet did not appear and I am really getting p****d off as Boris is very Grumpy. Lady Muck want's her spaklers back and page fourteen is missing. Dorothy, The board has been so slow this pm that it has been impossible to get on. I do not recall anything on page fourteen that would have warrented being deleted by GR. I think that this is still teething problems and has nothing to do with our virtual voyage otherwise they would have said something by now. Could I suggest that once again when u have the new passanger list that we start another thread. Just a suggestion! FAT LADY

ATTENTION: Admiral speaking: It seems we still have problems with communications on board! Therefore,w e shall stay in port until tomorrow. We resume our damage assessment overnight. We still have he cargo for the Portuguese Ambassador to deliver: as we don't know what this parcel contains, I would be grateful if David, our Secuirty Officer will look at it and decide if it is safe! Speak to you all later.

Mommylonglegs: I am really fed up with this board!!!! It's all over the place! Will speak to you later: hope you see this!

Has Boris had his tooth seen to yet. If not sack that dentist, cowardly thing. By the way need more wine. Maggie

The bar is open until we are given our instructions by Dorathy and Jenny. Viv A.L.

Evening all we do not seem to have a page fourteen! I wonder why? MENU Light everning meal for everbody as there was so much left overs from that delicious lunch that I have decided to present cold meats and salads, Blackberry Pie with a wine black berry sauce. Gooseberies and cream Tea and coffee. Wine of your choice.. Crew: The same as the rest of the paying passengers but please do not get used to the idea as it only happens on a Sunday. No Wine! Tomorrow is a working day! Lady Anne you know the procedure. Where is that damn vet.. I need to take care of that precious stone of lady Muuc..k oops RICH LADY. FAT LADY

Fat cook I'm on my way with my donker, keep that waste of space crocodile out of my way or he'll get it too, you'll have to get some mouse traps when i've sorted this one out. Warning ladies on inspecting the ladies toilets, (in the course of my duties) i saw two huge spiders disappear down the one of the pans. David (security ) Ha Ha be very Afraid

ATTENTION, ATTENTION! This is the Admiral speaking! We are about to go into a safe harbour on the first of the Cape Verde islands: SS Utopia sustained quite a bit of damage due to the gales and storms last night so we need to assess how this damage has affected our Cruise. Please feel free to leave the ship and do some sight-seeing or shopping. Please return by 9.00pm, by which time I hope that Mommylonglegs (The Purser) and David (Security Guard) and myself will have an idea of whether we can contininue our Cruise or whether we need to re-assess our situation and fly back to Southampton. If you wish to comment, one or the other, please do so. I will see you all later. Enjoy yourselves!

Fat Lady, how could you be sooo cruel lol, Muck is what I had for dinner, Burnt Beef does not appeal to my pallet, where is the Sushi Bar? Has any one found a job for me yet?? Lady M

Afternoon all. Bar was shut because the vet retired to my cabin (nudge nudge wink wink) ;-)))))))) He's gonna sort Boris now. Viv A.L.

Slutty Jean, Stop blaming everything on Boris, he is cute and adorable and purrrrrs like a cat. Security Dave, Now that your stomach is full will you please come to the galley as there is a mouse running around in the cheese cubboard, unfortunately, he is too tiny for Boris to catch. I promise to tape his jaw shut so that he does not take a nip.Ha! ha! Maggie, As always thank you for your help. Where is the "damn" vet, we have to get Boris's teeth seen to and remove that precious jewel that belongs to lady "Muck" oops I mean't lady marmalade. FAT LADY

OH Joy you are a Joy, glad your still aboard. Fat Cook thats a much more filling menu, i'm stuffed!! LIZ you little liar, what about all those bottles i stashed in your cabin last night, anyway your supposed to be on my side since your security, i can make life very difficult if you don't co-operate for instance i could put you in charge of security in the engine room looking after all those hot bare chested men, then what would you say!! Off on my rounds now. David ( securtity ) Be Afraid

Right Im finally available to help with Boris, sorry was getting the garden back into shape after last nights storm. Lindy, loads of veg for you especially cabbages. Also runner beans, brocolli, spuds, peas, and sweet corn. Fruit, blackberries and gooseberrys. Maggie

I may well be a paying passenger but I am getting awfully bored sat in my cabin, yearning for my rich husband to be (If I ever find him). Would you think it rude if I offered my services in way of a job, I could do with a little light excersise, although it cant be anything that might involve breaking a finger nail!! Lady M

Quartermaster here, confirming my continuing role on the ship. I'm afraid I got inundated following my call for helpful items to be reported to me and it has taken all this time to catalogue things properly. I have also had to find storage space for those items that passengers and crew have decided to hand over already. I'm just about done, but would appreciate any views on where I could store a dozen assorted elves - not all of them friendly - and a very large, cantankerous woolly mammoth. Who on earth left that outside the stores yesterday evening????? It's creating absolute havoc down here, though I do now have a certain amount of manure that could be helpful in bringing along the ship's plants. Collect it youself - I suggest you bring a very, very big bucket (and a gasmask as I don't know what that mammoth has been eating but I know what it looks like now). Angela

The rumours about the bar being closed are true - David has drunk it dry

Oh Jean, I never have an answer for you, your shocking. lolololol. The cabin boy - not my grandson I got him off the ship for his own safety - will collect the plates, I Think he said his name was Grampa Jim, strange name for a cabin boy!!

Hi Slutty, I've been trying to get that damn crocodile, have you seen the rocks caught between his teeth, we could have a couple of days off if we could get them out. You were'nt joking about the bow legs and the big smile,lmao Did he tape it back down when he'd finished, come on slutty tell all!!

MENU FOR THE ADMIRAL DR, LEGS, DAVE THE CROC HATER AND PAYING PASSENGERS. Yorkshire pudding with road beef, boiled carrot and new potatoes with a thick gravy or Suckling piglet with crackling and apple sauce roast potatoes cauliflower au gratin and sweet potatoes. Followed by crepe suzette with orange liquor sauce and vanilla ice cream. Fresh fruit tea or coffee A selection of wines may be ordered from the bar. As usual the crew shall eat in the galley and being Sunday shall have the same menu as the Admiral. Lady Anne, Usual procedure, your girls to collect their meals half an hour before the crew sit down to eat. I shall not be providing the brothel with alcoholic beverages as I know you have an unlimited supply. FAT LADY