General Chat

Gwynneth: Why are you getting in a lifeboat? We are QUITE SAFE at the moment, I assure you! Just tuck up for the night, and we'll see you, and the elf) safe and sound in the morning. We shall be near the closest Cape Verde island by mid-morning. ATTENTION EVERYBODY: We have battened down the hatches for the night now. Sleep well, I know you all will, believe me. Speak to you all in the morning. DAVID: We have a security problem, please contact me or Mommylonglegs on our private radio link! Understand? Thank you! GOOD NIGHT Everyone. Sleep well!

Admiral i've been having a kip in the rest room, anyone fancy a quiet drink i've confiscated 10 bottles of champagne of some very drunken madams and sent them packing back to the brothel, i have done my rounds all is not well but what the hell, the booze calls. David ( security ) be afraid Cheers hic hic

Good Morning ship mates, Are we sailing? there doesnt seem to be any one about this morning (probably due to the heavy night we had last night) Too much booze and not enough sleep. How are my fellow maties this bright sunny morning? I told you I would need my sun factor 6 today!!! Lady Marmalade

Were is that fat lady cook i'm standing here waiting for my roast beef and yorkshire pudding and there's nobody to be seen, i'm starving, i'll go and do another patrol if theres no joy when i get back i'm goner kick that waste of space crocodile up the backside, and do some very rough body searches, and stamp my feet and swear alot so there, David ( Very Hungry Security ) Be Very Afraid

ATTENTION: Security Dave Croc. Hater. It is Sunday and the full English breakfast which was served at 11:OO for Crew member is still going on in the Galley so get your nasty self down here poste haste as you have exactly half an hour until the Galley is closed. As for Lunch, do not assume what you shall have as I am awaiting the admiral's orders. FAT LADY

David, you said " if theres no joy when i get back" ... I'm here!!!!!! Joy (Kentish Maid GC GC still where's that R)

Black Widow, whats that glinting between the croc's teeth?

Dont be fooled by the rocks that I've got, I'm still, I'm Still Strump from the block. lol lol lol lmao Fat Lady - Do we have roast beef on the menu today with all the trimmings? It is Sunday!! Lady M (Marmalade)

Good Day to you Lady M. As you have just said it is Sunday and the Galley has just finished the breakfat dishes. We shall be having a late Sunday lunch and I am awaiting the Admiral's orders. ATTENTION: Will the vet please report to the Galley and remove the shiney object from the croc's tooth. MAGGIE: Could you please come down to the Galley and help me hold on to Boris while the vet gives him an injection to calm him down before seeing to his tooth. FAT LADY

ATTENTION: Fellow passengers, I have received a communication from Dr. Legs who was up all night with the passengers in sick bay that she needs her sleep and will be up and about a little later. It is a beautiful calm day and for those of you who are up to eating a big lunch the Menu shall be post in a few minutes , lunch will be ready by 15:00 hours. COOK, FAT LADY

MENU FOR THE ADMIRAL DR, LEGS, DAVE THE CROC HATER AND PAYING PASSENGERS. Yorkshire pudding with road beef, boiled carrot and new potatoes with a thick gravy or Suckling piglet with crackling and apple sauce roast potatoes cauliflower au gratin and sweet potatoes. Followed by crepe suzette with orange liquor sauce and vanilla ice cream. Fresh fruit tea or coffee A selection of wines may be ordered from the bar. As usual the crew shall eat in the galley and being Sunday shall have the same menu as the Admiral. Lady Anne, Usual procedure, your girls to collect their meals half an hour before the crew sit down to eat. I shall not be providing the brothel with alcoholic beverages as I know you have an unlimited supply. FAT LADY

Hi Slutty, I've been trying to get that damn crocodile, have you seen the rocks caught between his teeth, we could have a couple of days off if we could get them out. You were'nt joking about the bow legs and the big smile,lmao Did he tape it back down when he'd finished, come on slutty tell all!!

Oh Jean, I never have an answer for you, your shocking. lolololol. The cabin boy - not my grandson I got him off the ship for his own safety - will collect the plates, I Think he said his name was Grampa Jim, strange name for a cabin boy!!

The rumours about the bar being closed are true - David has drunk it dry

Quartermaster here, confirming my continuing role on the ship. I'm afraid I got inundated following my call for helpful items to be reported to me and it has taken all this time to catalogue things properly. I have also had to find storage space for those items that passengers and crew have decided to hand over already. I'm just about done, but would appreciate any views on where I could store a dozen assorted elves - not all of them friendly - and a very large, cantankerous woolly mammoth. Who on earth left that outside the stores yesterday evening????? It's creating absolute havoc down here, though I do now have a certain amount of manure that could be helpful in bringing along the ship's plants. Collect it youself - I suggest you bring a very, very big bucket (and a gasmask as I don't know what that mammoth has been eating but I know what it looks like now). Angela

I may well be a paying passenger but I am getting awfully bored sat in my cabin, yearning for my rich husband to be (If I ever find him). Would you think it rude if I offered my services in way of a job, I could do with a little light excersise, although it cant be anything that might involve breaking a finger nail!! Lady M

Right Im finally available to help with Boris, sorry was getting the garden back into shape after last nights storm. Lindy, loads of veg for you especially cabbages. Also runner beans, brocolli, spuds, peas, and sweet corn. Fruit, blackberries and gooseberrys. Maggie

OH Joy you are a Joy, glad your still aboard. Fat Cook thats a much more filling menu, i'm stuffed!! LIZ you little liar, what about all those bottles i stashed in your cabin last night, anyway your supposed to be on my side since your security, i can make life very difficult if you don't co-operate for instance i could put you in charge of security in the engine room looking after all those hot bare chested men, then what would you say!! Off on my rounds now. David ( securtity ) Be Afraid

Slutty Jean, Stop blaming everything on Boris, he is cute and adorable and purrrrrs like a cat. Security Dave, Now that your stomach is full will you please come to the galley as there is a mouse running around in the cheese cubboard, unfortunately, he is too tiny for Boris to catch. I promise to tape his jaw shut so that he does not take a nip.Ha! ha! Maggie, As always thank you for your help. Where is the "damn" vet, we have to get Boris's teeth seen to and remove that precious jewel that belongs to lady "Muck" oops I mean't lady marmalade. FAT LADY

Afternoon all. Bar was shut because the vet retired to my cabin (nudge nudge wink wink) ;-)))))))) He's gonna sort Boris now. Viv A.L.