General Chat

Bec, you arrive as on a wave, wonderful timing. To have a GA on the team ensures our future. I'm assuming that apart from being a Glamorous Assistant you are not also a Give Away (or maybe from Gamblers Anonymous??). Good then that's settled, I feel your calling is to be our Guardian Angel. That will give our whole operation a certain cachet, a 'je ne sais quoi' as they say in the classics. Go shine ahead of us, lighten our path, especially along some of the shadier aisles. Mike

I have given serious consideration to what we can do for the older children visiting our stores For the over fives may I suggest we introduce The Hatpin Club Each child will be required to search for photos of Hatpin. These photos need to be strategically placed. I suggest that the crisps, sweets, biscuits and cereals aisles will be the best places. This will encourage parents to buy large quantities of junk foods. The photos will have to be moved on a regular basis to make it challenging for the child, and to encourage parents to buy our less popular brands. On completion of the first search they could be given a ‘Friend of Hatpin Badge’ . Subsequent weeks they could have a card stamped and after they have completed around 1000 visits to the store perhaps we could reward them by giving them their very own ‘Cuddly’ Hatpin soft toy This scheme will only work well if the person who has recommended it receives the first Cuddly Hatpin, which she will add to her already extensive collection of soft toys. Dee ;-))

* Gasps.....Are you calling my tattoo obsene, Gwynnne? Welllllllll! I am flabbergasted...it is a hymn to good taste....BC

By the way I am giving serious consideration to slogans. Dee ;-))

Lovin' your work, Dee. I was wondering about Tazers to rid the aisles of troublesome pedestrians, what do you think? BC, if Mike is looking for charm he's struck out big time. However, I have charisma a-plenty and no obscene tattoos which has to put me ahead in the race. Gwynne

Hi folks After much consideration I have decided we need to take the following steps to solve the problems that young children cause in our stores. All stores will have fully equipped crèches available. For those parents who feel unhappy leaving their children with strangers, we will provide a fully trained children’s nanny to assist them with their shopping, thus allowing the parent to concentrate on spending money, rather than having to worry about what their child is doing. If these measures fail we may have to consider insisting that all under 5’s are gagged and strapped into shopping trolleys, but I fear this may be unpopular with childcare organisations. Another alternative would be to make it advantageous for parents of small children to order over the Internet. Perhaps we could offer them an incentive of some kind? This would have the added bonus that retired people and those who are looking for romance will have more room in the aisles to stand and chat and enjoy the ambience of the store. Dee (sorry I have no 'ologies but I am certified) ;-))

That spells Gaga Bec.. should be me!!!...lol BC

I'd like to offer my services to such an important cause. I have experience as a GA (General Assistant/Glamourous Assistant!) and also connections to those on the inside... Becx (in anticipation)

I think Mike is looking for charm here, Gwynnie:-) I win you lose.....BC

*pushes trolley into BC and her silly green uniform* We need purple uniforms. And big badges with purple glitter. 'My name is Guinevere and I'm your friend' Yeh, that would work. Gwynne

*pushes Gwynne out of way....I vote we have uniforms...with very high heels....and in green as it becomes me :-) AND I was one of the first to reply here....so shall we vote on that? done....BC

Can we have badges? Please, can we? Please? Please? Gwynne

Anne, shall we let Dee think about this? It's a pretty big decision, even for a founder member lol

Mike How about for Dee - Every Little One Helps (or doesn't as the case may be) Anne

It's very clear that the people posting here are amongst GR's finest. This is a humbling experience but we must try to keep our emotions in check. The very friendly staff in Tesco's have got to feel that we're right behind them. From time to time I've found in life that short inspirational chats keep one focussed. A slogan might be called for, I suppose. Mike

Dee, keeping a grip on the under 5's will be a vote-winner. Multi-skills would help but various 'ologies' would probably come in handy as well. Bear in mind the little angels need to be charmed not actually gripped. Thank you for this altruistic offer. Mike

Yvonne in OZ, I'm guessing that Tesco here is similar to your Ritchies or Woolworths. Tesco might already have a toehold in OZ, they are becoming international. You input is key to this operation, and thank you for it. Mike

I'm back being 'friends' with Tesco after eating their kippers - done in microwave 2 mins 20 sec. - tasty..

Can we have a Points Officer too Someone who can keep an eye on exactly what special offers everyone is getting in their Clubcard mailshots and monitor the sinister anti-health aspects. For example, I am always slimming so the bulk of my shopping basket is specialist low fat food, fruit and salad stuff. YET, every clubcard letter I get has special offers for cakes and buns. I believe Tesco is waging a vendetta against everyone becoming permanently thin thus enabling them to sell more Florence and Fred stuff as my weight bounds up and down from eating too many cakes and my dress size changes. And we need an investigation to find out why the petrol stations with Tesco Metro stores don't give you points for your petrol just your shopping. Also an independent enquiry into how many teabags you need to buy in order to collect enough air miles to get to India (similarly bottles of rum to get to Jamaica, etc etc)

Forgot to mention a lot of them are open 24/7 - in fact if you nicked a uniform you could probably live there and no one would notice you.