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Going Deep but.......
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SylviaInCanada | Report | 21 Mar 2021 21:48 |
Vera ...... |
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SuffolkVera | Report | 21 Mar 2021 11:28 |
Good luck with your conversation Tawny. Just stay calm and tread gently. Make sure he realises you don’t want a child just to become a mother but you want HIS child because you love him and it will be a part of him. |
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nameslessone | Report | 21 Mar 2021 10:59 |
I have heard that charities can be very ‘demanding’ when it comes to bequests. |
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Tawny | Report | 21 Mar 2021 10:55 |
My nieces will only inherit if we don’t have any children. Wills are getting written this year and yes percentages are important. My Owl is already almost 13 years older than his birth dad was when he died of cancer. His dad was only 26 years old. You never know what life has in mind for you. |
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JoyLouise | Report | 21 Mar 2021 09:57 |
We did exactly what Sylvia did as far as our grandchildren are concerned - and faced the same difficulty when rules changed regarding parents being the only ones able to open a child's account or to deposit into it. |
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AnninGlos | Report | 21 Mar 2021 07:17 |
Sylvia's advice is good Tawny. There is an example in my family of how not to do it which was beneficial to myself actually. My Mum's brother and his wife's wills had something like '£XXX to be given to each remaining brother/sister and the remainder divided between *names*' i.e. the *names* were his nieces and nephews of which I was one. My Mum got £XK a smallish amount I got £YK. quite a bit more this was in the 80s so a while ago now, Oh and my sister also got £YK |
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SylviaInCanada | Report | 21 Mar 2021 00:06 |
Tawny ....... |
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Tawny | Report | 20 Mar 2021 23:53 |
Mr and I are talking. If we cannot open accounts for each of them then Mr will open another account for himself but all that will go into it will be the money for the children. We will then divide the total as appropriate when each child needs. No doubt we will have more headaches to come as I have nieces who will inherit part of our estate each if mr and I don’t have any children. That though is a worry for another day. |
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SylviaInCanada | Report | 20 Mar 2021 22:22 |
The accounts for each child is a great idea ........ but do be sure to check what you need to have to open such an account. |
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Caroline | Report | 20 Mar 2021 19:49 |
At least with the accounts you know the money ends up with them at some point :-) |
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Tawny | Report | 20 Mar 2021 18:27 |
Thank you all. Monday for a talk I think. It’s the Old Firm (football) game tomorrow and he will be in no fit state after that. He’s off work on Monday though. I will suggest the idea of the bank accounts though. In Scotland I think they can get access from 16 but only if they know about the accounts. We’ll tell them when the eldest reaches 18 and thinking what they might do when they leave school. |
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nameslessone | Report | 20 Mar 2021 18:11 |
I think the accounts idea to be a good one. Hopefully Mr Owl will be able to let the older child know. |
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Caroline | Report | 20 Mar 2021 17:27 |
With regards his children, personally I would look at not sending money directly to them but if possible set up bank accounts for them and regularly deposit money in for Birthdays etc. Then when they're 18 or whatever the money is there for them to use. |
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Barbra | Report | 20 Mar 2021 14:30 |
This is huge issue if you talk to each other that's the main thing you wanting a family is understandable he has children & should understand you love him & want s family. As I said before think to the future the one you & Hubby have don't live in the past if possible he can't forget his family but you are his here & now be positive best wishes..Barbarax |
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Tawny | Report | 20 Mar 2021 13:23 |
I married him because I love him. We other that this problem have a good marriage and have only had six arguments since we met in 2016. We talk about everything else it’s just this one major sticking point. |
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Sharron | Report | 20 Mar 2021 12:00 |
I don't think Mr Owl can start to even think about another child at the moment, he has so much in his head to deal with. |
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AnninGlos | Report | 20 Mar 2021 10:03 |
Yes it does sound as if he is scared, the children are young and in the case of the two youngest not really old enough to make their own decisions, they will definitely be led by their Mum but only your OH will know why she is so bitter. I wonder if she has found a new partner, not easy when you have four young children and some sympathy must be given to her, so hard bringing up 4 children on her own. You need to talk about your feelings and his, strange as it should be you being nervous about the fact that he and his wife got divorced. It depends how much you know about their story. |
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Tawny | Report | 20 Mar 2021 09:47 |
His children are 11,10,7 and 5. The youngest two haven’t had their birthdays yet this year. |
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LindainHerriotCountry | Report | 20 Mar 2021 09:40 |
Try contacting Relate to see if you can get counselling. They talk to you separately, then as a couple. My next door neighbour used them and they were very helpful. I think there was a bit of a wait for the sessions |
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AnninGlos | Report | 20 Mar 2021 07:58 |
It is a difficult situation Tawney, but not an unusual one. Without knowing why your OH and his wife got divorced it is hard to know why she is so bitter about him. Of course it is wrong of her to turn the children against their Dad and you won't know what she has told them. How old are they. it is instinctive for children to protect the parent they are living with I think. But that and your longing for a child are two separate matters. You do need to sit down and talk together, maybe even get counselling. Your OH married you knowing that you wanted a child so he is not really being fair, but you need to talk to resolve it, you do still have a few years yet to have a child so don't panic, and please, as others have said, don't have an accident. That would not be fair on the child. |
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