General Chat

Here's a quote from the DM, ( from the T Markle tv programme last night which I didn't watch) "Mr Markle also said that Meghan had promised to look after him in his 'senior years'. He said: At this point, they owe me. The Royals owe me. Harry owes me, Meghan owes me. What I've been through I should be rewarded for. My daughter told me that when I reach my senior years she'll take care of me.' "

Leaving aside the specifics of who this is and the circumstances, I heard someone say much the same the other day. What do you feel about the concept of "owing " your parents to the extent that they expect you to take care of them in their "senior years"?

Is it a 'choice' or an 'obligation' ?

I didn't feel I owed my parents but, although they lived a long way from us we did do our best to help out particularly as they had a large garden and when Dad was left alone after Mum died we used to travel ever three weeks to cut the lawns and tidy the garden as it would have broken his heart to see it deteriorate.

And no I don't feel my children owe us anything, we didn't have children to look after us as we got older. However we can't complain they are very good even though history repeats itself and they both live a long way from us. (Oh and our grandchildren are good if we need help as well, and we help them financially if needed too) these days it is not only 'pay it back', but pay it forward as well.

We don't expect anything but love and respect from our children,they have their own lives to lead.

I didn’t see the documentary nir did I bother to read the article. But if someone has actually made a promise to help I would be a bit miffed if they didn’t carry it through .

But was is a family if not to be there when needed. Just like my O H who is currently sitting at the bedside of the brother .

Like LG we don't expect anything from our children.

We don't interfere in their lives but if they ask our opinions
we say.

OH and myself are very much blessed with our children
and their OHs also our grandchildren.
As we are in the process of moving house they have taken over
doing the things that need seeing to.
As they have said to my OH and myself, we looked after them when
growing up its now their turn to look after and help us.

I would much rather give than receive anyday. T Markle is a deceitful money, grabbing , attention seeking individual.

Didn't see it but my parents were always there for me growing up as they got older Mum got cancer 20years later Dad had Alziemers I helped the best I could as they were My Mum & Dad loved them so much .when they passed my two sons were growing up they had freedom to be themselves grow up into Mature men but we were always there to talk support them that's all you can do Barbara

I read a bit of it - why is it only Meghan - and, it appears, her new family - who 'owe' him?
He only lived with Meghan and her mother for 6 years.
He has 4 or 5 older children (including the mouthy half sister) who lived with him for much longer.
Why don't they 'owe' him?

My children don't 'owe' me anything - well, the youngest does owe me some money, but that can wait! :-D

I didn't look after (for want of a more accurate phrase) Fred because I owed him.

I did it because it needed doing.

I helped look after my parents because someone had to, I didn't expect my sister to do it all even though she had a closer relationship with them both. Dad was happy so long as he was fed and had a book to read. Mum was expert at emotional blackmail to get what she wanted and I fell for it every time, she definitely felt we owed her. I always said my children would be free to go out in the world without feeling that we would expect anything from them. Both are independent and although not close in miles we all know that we can ask for help if it was needed.

Our kids owe us nothing.

I don't think my daughter owes us anything ...................

although she did tell us at Christmas that she and her husband would very much like us to consider selling our house (when it is time), and moving into a place near where they live in Nova Scotia instead of here and thus being on the other side of the country.

I can see her point re closeness and "thinking about it". OH is not ready to even think of moving from the house!

Responsible parenting in a morally corrupt society has never been more difficult.

Our children owe us nothing. Anything I did for my children was done willingly and with no expectation of pay back in my later years (umm, that's now lol). I did not have children as an insurance policy for care.

Years ago families often stayed living closer together, so popping a few houses or even a few streets away to help out was easier. Nowadays families are often many miles apart, and with today's lifestyles it is more difficult to help out on a day to day basis.

I had no interest in watching the programme, but Mr Markel is somewhat deluded if he thinks the Royal family owe him. What is it that he has supposedly been through that makes him think that?

Adam & Eve ran into a spot of bother for nicking an apple from the Garden of Eden.

Let's try to avoid a repetition of that awful event.

I did not have children to look after me in my old age I have a disability but I am very independent and hope to be for a long time to come and that’s thanks to my parents treating normal while growing up. I looked after my mum and she lived about two hours away from me and I’m not allowed to drive so very weekend and sometimes in the week down on the train it was not easy but at the did not notice it but so glad I did it because I can never say what if I have a lovely brother and sister who helped also so I was not on my own but I’m just glad we were able to do it and ask for nothing back

I did not have children to look after me in my old age I have a disability but I am very independent and hope to be for a long time to come and that’s thanks to my parents treating normal while growing up. I looked after my mum and she lived about two hours away from me and I’m not allowed to drive so very weekend and sometimes in the week down on the train it was not easy but at the did not notice it but so glad I did it because I can never say what if I have a lovely brother and sister who helped also so I was not on my own but I’m just glad we were able to do it and ask for nothing back

Children don't owe a parent nothing more than to be a good person.


TM is trying to free load off the couple because of who they are,,,,,,,he/they thought they would be sailing into the sunset being handed a endless pot,,I bet their eyes rolled like a slot machine...…what a yike,,,,,,,,it wa his only golden chance to appeal to the press to leave H&M alone and shown protection toward her,,,,,but all he wants is money,...I saw and spat feathers.horrible ,horrible man,

Sylvia the main issue there would surely be the weather!!

As much as we joke about one of the kids being able to look after us in our old age I know they're more likely to put a label on us and leave us on the doorstep of a retirement home....which beats putting us in a wheelchair and pushing us down a very steep slope. :-)

Caroline ............

yep, much balmy here!!

I certainly don't want to be pushed in a wheelchair down an incline ........... and there are lots more of those in Halifax and area!

She really wants us to scope out places that we would like to move to, both here and over there, so that we can tell her where we would like to go. This involves checking out the large variety of retirement places ranging from the government-run to luxury.

I don't know about you, but the government-run ones can be pretty bleak!

But she is our only child, and our Executor (with a niece in northern BC as alternate), so in some respects it would be easier to be all in one place ......... when and if it comes to it.

I certainly have never ever thought that she should have either or both of us living with her family.

We didn't do that in my family, although OH's parents had his maternal grandmother living with them for many years, including when she was suffering from dementia. His mother and her sister would take it in turns to have grandma for 3 weeks at a time after she developed the dementia, as that was all their families could take. Their husbands would then drive her from Chester to Manchester or reverse. She was an active healthy dementia sufferer, who could walk miles if she got out of the house.

His mother wanted to emigrate here around 1988, after her husband died ............... we were in Vancouver, her daughter in northern BC, and she really wanted to be close to her daughter (her favourite child). Her intent was to live with her daughter, or at least in the same town. We would be back-up for when she wanted to get out of the winter conditions up there (can get as low as -30C, with lots of snow).

Unfortunately, my sis-i-law was already a widow with 3 children under the age of 12, had no spare room in her house. Plus their town did not have a decent seniors housing at that time. We would have had to sell our small house and buy a larger one.

But the big reason why she couldn't come was that she was over 70, and had serious heart problems ............... it would have cost us well over $30,000 a year in medical costs to support her, and her British pension would have been frozen at whatever it was at when she left the UK. So we would also probably had to have supported her financially.

That's if she could even have been accepted into Canada.

Sis-i-law had the difficult job of telling her mother that it was out of the question.

Luckily, OH had a cousin living not too far from his mother, and she was willing to visit m-i-l regularly and help with finances., and OH and his sister made regular trips to the UK, even if it was only for 3 days. His sister made special trips when a new place had to be found for mother to live.

Kay, I agree with you about TM!

I never had to look after my parents.
Dad developed a brain tumour, and his wife admitted him into a hospice, though he was at home with her when he died.
Mum was a widow in Portugal - though looking to move back to the UK - near my sister. Unfortunately, she died suddenly from a gout drug she was taking.

Me and my daughters joke about who would 'take me in', in my dotage.
Truth is, I prefer living alone.
Their dad is older than me, but none of us think his current wife could cope with him - having said that, he's just turned 70, and is still lecturing!

I suppose, as his siblings, my sister, brother and I should be thinking about our eldest brother (13 months older than the next brother), is 70 and a half - and still renovating, by himself, an old 'Smithy' in Somerset, as well as creating commissioned Bonsai pots, and other pots (no point in having the kiln half empty) that he then sells at Bonsai shows in the UK and Europe!
He (like me and my sister) lives alone, but, unlike us, has no children.
Which of his nephews/nieces could look after him?