General Chat

Gentle hugs for you Shirley, as you deal with emotions your loss is bringing. Just take things day by day and let the tears flow when they will, smile when you can and acccept all the help offered. This time of year is depressing so you may feel worse before you feel better, try not to be alone any more than you want to be and try to eat properly to keep your strength and immune system well. Don't forget your flu jab if you haven't had it yet.

Thinking of you,

Lizxx

Lots of advice here for you Shirley and lots of love from your friends on here. We can't help with all the paperwork (and there will be plenty) so I hope your family will help with that, but we can provide virtual hugs and support. You know there is always somebody here to talk to if you want to. I know there will be tears, but there will be smiles as well as you remember things, and there will be glasses of wine too. As has been said, you will get through it, painful though the journey will be. If there was not pain there would not have been love. You and your M had a loving life together to the end so of course there is pain, I don't think you would wish it any other way. Many ((((((hugs)))))) from me <3 <3 <3

Shirley, thinking of you as you cope with another day of heartache and upsets.
I hope you will feel comforted by knowing that you did everything that you could possibly do to make your husband as comfortable as he could be until the end.
You are bound to feel empty and drained so try to eat little and often and just remember to be kind to yourself right now. Sending (((hugs))) to support you. xxx

Well it's been another day of things to do

Our daughter came up again and we went to order flowers . I made the booking for the funeral reception at a hotel near the crem and paid the deposit

Had a call again from the coroner that the doctor had sent the wrong form and unsigned so the interim cert can't be issued but it's all in hand

Was concerned about his attendance allowance needing to be cancelled so rang the DWP and they were great . Took his details with security cross checks and asked if he had any other gov allowances , Said yes he has, his pension and they asked I had too and my NHS. nos .apparenty I may be entitled to something from his contributions. They would also inform the tax office so that's 3 must do done

Need to do council tax and the utilities but these can wait as the bank will honour direct debits as well as his funeral expense from his bank account

Tomorrow I have to have the bee tooth out that gave me the abcess .the antibiotics have sorted it but still have the chesty cough but it has improved

So we are sorting things slowly

It's so confusing what has to be done especially when you have never been in the situation before . I am a retired Office Manager but my initial panic was shit what do I do and where to start

Glad I have the cat here to have cuddles and speak too <3

You are up late, Shirley. I am sure your poor head is buzzing with all there is still to deal with, and you have dealt with a lot of red tape already. It's good that you have your family around you to help out, and so nice that you have the cat to talk to and make a fuss of as well.

Hope you manage to sleep well, and can tick a few more things off the list tomorrow, well today really but it's never tomorrow to me, until I have slept!

Lizxxx

Oh Sweetheart – it’s so difficult when you are still in shock. Take one day at a time.

If he has an occupational pension, they need to be told as well. Hopefully he will have set it up so you continue to benefit from his contributions, but you do need to let them know before the next full amount is due. It’s a bit of a Bee if they/you have to make adjustments later.

When you feel in the mood, see if you can write out a list of financial holdings he may have. You could always type out a Performa letter you can complete once you have a copy of the death certificate. Each one will prefer to see a copy, so if you can arrange to have more than one issued, that would be helpful. Joint accounts are usually automatically transferred to you.

I’ve never handled an Interim certificate unless that’s the medical sealed copy you take to the Registrar. Either your daughter or you can check with the Coroners Office so you are prepared.
If it is the case, you’ll need to make an appointment with the Registrar to formally register the death. Wait until you receive the one from the Coroners Office first.

We are all thinking of you, and as Lynda~ said earlier, we are here when/if you need us.
XXX

Thank you Det.

Yes Michael was a Ford pensioner and also had an AVC I rang both companies on Monday as his next monthly payments are due in early in Nov as didn't want the hassle of sending it back .

The AVC payment is only small but was set up to continue to be paid to me .they are sending a form to fill in .

I will get a widows person too from Fords which will be a help . I have my own occupational pension too .

we both made wills in 2002 so that wil need sorting too

Will reading doesn't take long but take a method of identification.

I had my driving licence with it's picture to prove who I was for the reading of my mother's will. My sister doesn't drive, has never had a passport or credit card so didn't have any form of identification. I had to vouch for her that she was indeed my sister of some 54 years. Luckily there is a family resemblance so the solicitor read the will and explained what would happen.

Take care of yourself Shirley. Hope you soon get all the paperwork done it's a bind.

When a death is registered several government departments are informed from the registrars computer as my sister found out when her ex died. She got several letters stating she owed them money for over payment of pension/benefits to her husband???? She told them he was her ex and then gave them ex's solicitor's address and told them to sort it out with him.

So sorry for you Shirley - you both had a hard road to travel. <3 <3 <3

Thank you Sharron.

Shirley, thinking about . <3 <3

At long last the hospital bed should be removed today

It's in the lounge and been very painful keep looking across at it and imagining hubby in it . I wanted it gone ASAP but was told nope we cant pick it up till next Monday

They use one pick up van only so as not to cross contaminate clean ones being sent out . The ones being returned are steam cleaned on return

Whilst I appreciate the system I think they should have more than one pick up van as equipment is more likely being returned because of a death so folks will want it gone soonest

Another move forward for you when this is taken back Shirley, but still a raw and emotional time so remember to be kind to yourself and just take little baby steps. xxx

A difficult time for you Shirley. Take care and be kind to yourself. Thinking of you <3

Shirley, you are still in my thoughts. <3

Thank you

We are ticking over ,have tears at times when things are said .

Had a call from the funeral directors asking if the order of service had been sorted . The priest was coming that afternoon to do it so it was in hand

I still haven't got any certs but the inquest has taken place so they are in hand too

I was told by the coroner that the funeral directors had been given the go ahead to collect Michael from the hospice and I was told yes we have him here now . We are ready for you to bring in his clothes .

Was all matter of fact on the phone but when I rang off it hit me again and I broke down .

The funeral isn't till mon 16th because of all the legal work , and to fit in with grandson and SIL work schedules as they are both long distance Lorry drivers so can't just take a day off . Grandson goes out on a sunday night sailing to the continent and is away all week .Sil,too could be anywhere in the uk . So that's why we have arranged it for a Monday so they start their week a day late.

Am in limbo land at the moment ,only deciding what or not to do on a daily basis .still got some accounts to sort out like the utilities etc that are in M name so need changing over

Still thinking of you Shirley.Have you been in touch with the council tax office because if you live on your own you get 25 per cent off your council tax

i did ring the council and was in a queue for over a half hour so gave up and rang off

will have to try again :-(

<3.
x

It will all come together Shirley and can take a while to get all the must do in place......anything you pay and shouldnt hav will be returned so dont spend time worrying about it just now.

Leave a little for tomorrow.

Still thinking about you Shirley and the lonely hard road you are walking along now. xxx

Thinking of you Shirley. It will take a while for everything to be sorted but that is normal so try not to stress too much about it. <3 <3