General Chat

Hi Liz

I was just driving in after having picked up BH from the first of her three days at day-care and thinking I was feeling a little tired pondering that it was a long long time since I had a holiday. On reading your posting I now feel why am I feeling that. I have it made!

On the question of men's stubborness I can only plead that this is genetically programmed for when we were hunters and gatherers. We needed to keep going until there is food for the table. But of course most recognize that this has long since gone.

Commendable as D.I.Y. is, (and I have done plenty myself) there is a time when one should recognize that tradesmen need to be called in sometimes to finish jobs that we have been procrastinating on.

BH once said to a friend that she had traimed me well. Never being at a loss for words, as you will all have gathered by now, my reply was that I came well-trained. Mum, a working mum in the late 1930's, organised us to do the potatoes put the prepared meal into the oven (remembering later to turn the top off and bottom to low and not burn tthe potatoes). Dad had we boys go down to the beach each day and pick up half a sugar-sack of small stones for his drainage of the garden. Dishes at night were on rosters, My eldest sister and I one night and the next my two elder brothers. Did I ever tell you that sheep hearts that Mum had stuffed were one of our favourite roast meals. At 6d. each in the 1930's that was a great meal.

We all have it made today, but unfortunately some do not accept their limitations.

Love to all but C'est La Vie!

Bob

Today my sister gave me some letters which mums second cousin in Romford had written to her in 1941 (no wonder I am a hoarder!). Cousin had 4 in the family (2 adults, 2 children) and was allowed 1/2d worth of meat a week. 'Rabbits seem to have gone to their holes, they are few and far between these days, about the only meant not rationed except chickens. When you have been used to spending 2/- a day on meat and buying dozens of eggs a week and you come down to 4/8 on meat a week and 1 egg per person it seems strange.' My sister, who is actually older than me, had not realised they had had it so hard over there. It must have been hard knowing what to cook for dinner. Or was it easy, since there wasnt much choice?

The 4 letters, all 1941, are very interesting. The cousin used to go out at night on fire-watching duty, I think.

I still have to look at a lot of the stuff my sister gave me. She is having a clear-out, something I should be having instead of collecting more stuff! But some of it is too important to throw out.

Huia

Hi all

I hesitate to be the one to start off after such a long silence. I always feel that my big cyber-mouth gets me into cyber-trouble and everything goes very quiet.

Now ladies you have cast your shackles off, haven't you?

Been to a couple of funerals in the last week. One an Alzheimer's (and Parkinson's) casualty. The other an 87 year old, well two days short of her birthday. BH had a T.I.A. just as I was getting her a cup of tea. Caught her before she fell and the celebrant got a chair and after the usual five-seven minutes. she was as right as rain. Well we went home without having had a bite or drink but made up for it when we got home.
Fours days a week in day care now but that puts a bit of pressure on the 2-3 day showering and getting out. Made it today but not without a performance. Dare I say "Not a pretty sight". I shared with a support worker, "Am I the only one that thinks that when the shouting starts that the temptation to aim the shower at the open mouth is great?" Naughty. But hey I am an amateur trying to be a "Pro" and I am told that greater medication would be used but having just given the breakfast dose I would not want to give another one for the sake off saving a few shouts and a little wetness. Telling BH that we might get kicked out for the noise is like water off an Alzheimer's sufferer's back.

Huia those letters sound great and it needs someone like you to ensure that they do not go into the dustbin. Was it one shilling and twopence or one halfpenny for the weekly meat allowance?

Liz
Have you tried getting Lamb fillets and when cut into 1/2" medallions they can be cooked as quick as fish. But of course it must be NZ lamb!!!! They are $25.95 per kilo here. I got four yesterday ($11.99, I gave the butcher $12.00 and told him to keep the change, Oh I am all heart!) and they are good if you are trying to lose weight (as I am) for then one is enough then for two people.
I think we probably all over-eat anyway.

Love to all

Bob
PS I am gradually getting comfortable sending "Love" to women friends whom I email for "Kind regards" seems as though one is scared of causing offence by expressing the love of a friend to a friend. What do you think? (After all I am 79 this year. Oh dear now I have really put my foot in it!)
PPS Now girls (you are going to say "Ladies" please) get cracking.

Hi Bob, I am not a carer but my OH is. Your post did make me laugh though. My mother had Alzheimers, and if you do not laugh you will cry. My sister used to get angry with me when I would find the humour in things that were said or done. Once my mother introduced me to my father, she got an awful shock when I said I knew him and then had to explain how I knew. It was so funny at the time, as I had been aware and lived with my parents for many years until I married. Sister thought it was awful that we laughed, dad had to leave the room as he had the giggles so bad.

My mother did not know who I was for many years, but she knew where I lived and my name, goodness knows who she thought I was. Dad was a stranger living in her house, and he would cop it from her husband when he got home.

Now OZ lamb I would prefer as not as expensive as NZ lamb, anything that is easy to cook is preferred.

So LOVE to Bob and take care.

Gail

Hello there Bob, nice to know you are still in the land of the living. I do admire you for carrying on with the caring. I couldnt. I just wasnt getting enough sleep and it was a case of 'him or me' and if it had been me it would have been him too as he couldnt stay here on his own.

I think Phil still knows that I am somebody familiar, whether or not he knows just who I am I do not know. He seems more alert these days, or at least on some of my visits.

I am not sure whether that meat was one shilling and 2 pence or one halfpenny. It wasnt clear to me.

You are not all that old, Bob, Phil is 80 and I am 74. And oi aint no loidy!

Love, Huia.

It would have been one shilling and twopence old money for the meat. Dont forget the average wage for ordinary workers at that time would have been about £2 ten shillings,or fifty pence. My dad earned £6.00 a week in 1947.

Hi all

Gail is trying to get me into a Trans-Tasman rivalry dispute on the merits of NZ lamb compared with Oz. I am not buying into that for the Aussies always seem to win in contests with us. I think it is the "Big Brother" complex. Her dad was thought to be a stranger in the house, but I have to admit at times they do not come much stranger than me and that is from friends without Alzheimer's.

The talk of wages takes me back to my grocery delivery-boy days for Self Help after intermediate school. I was paid 10/- per week and after asking for a raise, for the Farmers boy got 15/-. my pay was increased to 12/6 and I felt I lived like a king.

Our care-giver left me a note today saying three months max. before full time care was needed and it is better earlier than wait for a crisis.

We have a couple more homes to inspect before we make that decision.

Love

Bob

PS Because I go to bed late (10.30-12.00) I have no trouble in sleeping
Up at 6.30 to make the porridge. I have been known to drop off on the couch for an hour and miss the news. My friends sent me a birthday card saying that I was the only person they knew who could watch TV with my eyes closed. Hmmmm!
PPS Then Huia you must be........dare I say it....a girl!

Yes, Bob, I am a girl and a rather old one at that. Best wishes with choosing a home. At least the charge nurse at Middlemore recommended a couple of places, with one getting extra special mention. Son and I went to look at it and didnt even bother to look at the other. The carers are so wonderful. The only problem is that there is a minor outbreak of scabies or something similar, but they are treating everybody for it, including the staff. I have to treat myself. Not much fun smelling of malathion, even if it is (allegedly) perfumed. It is not easy to apply it all over (except the face) but I had a sponge on a stick and was able to use that to do my back. And then there is the heap of washing to do the next day. Not the best of weather for that.

I was going to visit Phil today and take a clearfile folder in which I had put some photos for him to look at, but I think the visit will have to wait. I dont fancy driving in traffic in this nasty wet and windy weather.

Huia.

Hi All

I shared a sadness with a fair amount of detail on 13 march and then felt I had to edit it severely. However we went to the 80th Birthday and had a wondeful time. I am sharing the message we left with our book gift.

R......’s 80th Birthday

R..... has many roles!

A woman, a good friend, a mother, a grandmother, a widow of my best friend, names just a few. One description that has probably never been allocated to her is ”a card”. One of the endearing qualities of R...... before and after marriage was the fun and uproarious laughter when she was with her sisters and cousins and at all family gatherings. The coming together and displaying such warmth and vibrancy is a real gift that is shared without measure with others.

Thank your R...... for sharing that same joy with us so many times.

When I thought about the word “card”, a second word immediately sprang to mind that of “tricks”. We boys learned “500” at the farm at K......, during holidays with our Grandma. We learned there were Spades, Clubs, Diamonds, Hearts and No Trumps and depending on the hand that was dealt you could go for anything from “six” to “ten”. There is no similarity between what is dealt at the card table and what we get given in life. In life we do have the opportunity to make some of our own choices. In others, like the dealt hand, we have none. The similarity that I suggest may be in the way we play that poor hand that we have been given. We cherish all the special times when we had good hands and possibly with a good partner and the joker we may have had “Ten No Trumps” occasionally. In a family situation where love is the focus we continue playing for the joy of being alive and loved until we reach that point when we leave them and then learn the whole point of our existence.

We, personally, are not far from that point now. BH will shortly be leaving the table that she has shared with me for over fifty-three years and join a table with strangers for a sojourn of “ Who knows how long?” So we would like to thank you all for inviting us for it will probably be our last celebratory function.

With our love to all your family

BH and Bob 6 June 2010

and Love to all also

Bob, you have a difficult and sad time ahead. I know how hard it is. I feel a bit like a widow, but havent had a funeral yet. I have shed plenty of tears and still shed them sometimes. Make sure you keep up your golf. Dont forget to come on here and tell us of your doings and sorrows and joys. I have found it helpful to 'talk' to people who know what it is like. Best wishes for what lies ahead.

Love, Huia.

Thanks Huia

I could not agree more. BH's vocabulary is so diminished that our chats are missed are largely consigned to be one of the treasured memories. That is why it has been so good to be able to share on this site. Guys do not seem to open up as gals on sensitive things such as the loss of such an important (amongst all the others) thing as that of talking to a loved one but funny old me finds that talking openly with women friends and relative who have shown a willingness to listen has become easy. I remember showing a DVD with music and photos over the 50 years together to our doctor suggesting that I was getting obsessed. He told me that I had every reason to be and what I had done following our Golden Wedding anniversary was an important healing experience. I know there were a few tears during the time it was put together and continually edited to ensure music and shots were appropriate.

Recently I had wondered how I could say thank you in a tangible way for the seven women who have emailed given meals sent letters phoned during this time. We are inviting them and our three daughters a night out so that they can express the gratitude shared on our behalf. BH will be then in care and I would be overwhelmed by such numbers if I attended.

Hope all that inconvenience soon passes and the "sheep dip" is no longer required.

Love to all

Bob
PS I will certainly keep up with my golf. Yesterday I had an 85 which included a 9 on one hole so I was pretty pleased.

I miss having Phil around. Yesterday I had an appointment in town at 4.30 pm and after lunch I had the sudden thought that I should check the oil and water in our vehicle. Water was fine, although I added a little bit. Oil, I removed the dip stick, wiped of the oil that was smeared up it, replaced it (with great difficulty), removed it again, and shock horror there was no oil on it! I called in at the local garage on my way to town and got more oil put in. I dont know why the oil warning light hadnt been showing, unless it had only just got to the stage of being empty. I must ask my son about it. And make an appointment for the wagon to be serviced, I think it is due soon. These are the things that I never had to worry about in the past. When Phil first went into care there were a couple of occasions when I had been out most of the day and when I came home I found the garage door was open. I had forgotten to shut it, which is what Phil did for the previous 3 or 4 years when we went out, since he was no longer driving. I now have a manilla folder on which I have written SHUT GARAGE DOOR in large letters. I prop it on the steering wheel when I come home so I will remember next time I go out. I think I will now have to add OIL and WATER to the folder, although they wont need to be checked every time.

Huia.

Is this the one?

I thought this thread had been mislaid. Maybe it means all are well and coping. I am getting worried about the blinding headaches my OH is getting. Nothing seems to shift them and they dont match any description of migraine that I have come across. He usually also gets a nosebleed, and they happen when he has been rather busy, such as when we do shopping for a fortnight at Tesco for selves and neighbour. He has to do all the carting as I cant carry. He is thinking I will have to goback to doing it on-line, but it is nice to get out sometimes.

I have been feeling depressed and lonely for a while and not sleeping well so I went to the doc yesterday. She prescribed some sleeping pills, I took half one last night and it is the best sleep I have had in ages, I feel almost like a new woman this morning. In fact I went outside and walked briskly (for me) 3 times around the house to get some of the exercise I need. If the rain stays away I might go for a 'proper' walk somewhere locally later. The trouble is I will probably take my camera and stop frequently to take photos.

Doc also prescribed some mild antidepressants. I have to have a quarter of one for 2 mornings then half one for 5, then a whole pill for the rest of them. I am also thinking of rejoining choir to get the social life I need. Not that I have ever been a 'social' social animal but I do miss having human company here. I will also see about helping in one of the op shops in town once a week.

Huia, caring for herself.

JeanMonmouth, I hope your OH has seen a doc about his headaches and nose bleeds?

Huia.

Hi All

Huia
Is there an Alzheimer's support group in your area? It may be only once each month (I have forgotten for the last two months and suggested that I should be on the other list if it continues) but it is good to be able to chat with those in a similar situation. Re-joing the choir is a great idea for there is nothing like music to lift the spirits and the contact again with choir friends would be good. Go for your walks and take the camera and when you get back to the computer download them trim, lighten and generally edit and label and you will find the hours go by and you can do the gardening tomorrow. Have you thought of writing some thoughts about your life before you met Phil and later. Once you start the memories will flood back and there won't be enough time in the day. It is rewardingfor you and the family in that you will be leaving a little more than you have been left. Hope the car is going well again and you are remembering the garage door. Alzheimer's is very isolating and more so for the one without the condition.

Jean

I had not had a nose-bleed in years but during the last month or two I have had about four very bad ones. One was when on the way to golf when I had sneezed I said to the other guys that I would give it a miss. Someone suggested plugging it with a piece of paper napkin from the cafeteria. So did I look a "Joe". every now and again I would replace it and when I got back to the car I looked as though the opposition had been poor losers and had punched my nose for I had blood all around that nostril. They might well have felt like it for we beat them 8 up with 6 holes to play, so it was they who got the thrashing. I had heard years ago that it was one of the symptoms of cirrhosis of the liver. Surely that cannot be for I have hardly had a drop for years. I did go to the doctor and he could feel a slight imperfection which was probably the chicken pock that I had when about 28 when my nose bled like a stuck pig. Maybe cauterizing is the final answer.

Love to all

Bob

After doing the breakfast dishes I drove over the hill to the valley. In the campground by the carpark was a tent with my old highschool logo on it so I chatted for a few mins with some women in a campervan, who were with the school group (the others had gone on a long walk). I then walked up and across the dam, taking some photos, then back down and came home. The computer would not accept the new photos. I recently connected a new scanner and I think that has thrown a hammer into the works. I will have to unplug it and see if I can get the photos on. Blooming machines, think they can rule us.

I used to have heavy nose bleeds when I was younger but some years ago I saw an ENT man and he decided to cauterise it. I havent had any problems with it since. Touch wood!

Off to light the fire and get my dinner on.

Huia.

OH had his nose cauterised years ago, but they dont seem to do that here anymore, I dont know why. Some sort of chemical is used instead. He is planning on finding time to go to the surgery next week, our regular GP is off this week, and he is the only one he can talk to.

Hi All

They say "a week is a long time in politics" or is it a day? No matter but there has been no posting for longer than either, so here goes.

BH went into care on 25th June a seamless transfer from her four days at day care. The family personalised the room and we are all delighted at how well she has settled in and we are all grateful that it continues to be so.

However we were listening to a James Blunt CD with daughter and grandaughter the previous weekend and when coming to the track “Goodbye My Lover, Goodbye My Friend” it triggered, firstly a flood of tears and then deep uncontrollable sobbing until daughter gave her old father an embrace. My suspicions were right that that might sneak up on me, however the reaction lessens each time I tell the incident.

Just before leaving and when sitting together for the last time in the lounge. a Kereru (native pigeon) alighted on a Puriri tree outside the window. Unusually it stayed for seven or eight minutes. I got my camera, quietly opened the window and took that shot. It was only when I had downloaded it that I imagined it hiding its tears behind the leaves. But hey that's me!

After a stop-off for afternoon refreshments we settled her in. Later in the day as I left, the heavens opened up. I imagined again that they represented the shedding of tears of all the friends who loved my BH who had loved and embraced them. But hey that's me again!

The next day I went to the eighieth birthday for an out of town cousin and then my brother and I went to his bach for a few days with two slightly younger cousins (mid-seventies). We played one game of golf, laughed from dawn to dusk and only stopped for coffee or meals. We had to do that otherwise we would have choked. What a great break knowing that the family were overseeing the care side of things.

I try to explain it this way. There is a calendar and decision-making time and the two are not synchronised. You know that the time is very close based on the advice received. But the decision is made when the bed in the chosen facility is available. I have come to the conclusion that the timing could not have been more perfect. Who would be presumptuous to say that the 1st August or September is the right day when you know it is very close. I did feel the tears coming again when I heard the CD song when visiting today. "We'll meet again some day!" Yep, me again but I am OK with those for I would be more worried if I could not have a tear.

Just been busy sending a card with photos of the "Crying Kereru" and us having coffee, (the waitress had to get on the footpath to take the shot through the open window). On the front I had some roses and the BH labelled ribbon slightly unwound to show our lives unravelling with this fifty-three year break from sharing a table together. I did not feel as though I could wait until Christmas and pass such news on. We still sit and have a cup of tea together when I visit but it is not quite the same as your own table.

No I am not playing more golf just tying up some loose ends.

Love to all.

Bob