General Chat

I used to love talking to the other residents in Mums home.MOST had no visitors,and they just loved having someone take notice of them.The tales I was told lol.Mum used to get a bit jealous though when she saw me talking to others.I was just there to see her!!!
I'm glad you feel happier now Margaret.

In my OH's private hospital (at least in the dementia wing) we are told not to approach other residents unless we check with one of the carers first. It is for our own safety as some of the residents can get stroppy with the wrong people! I have been guilty of going over to talk to the 2 women there if OH is asleep and the women dont have visitors at the time. They often indicate that they would like me to talk to them.

Huia.

Hi Trinity,i thought that you would like the poem,i think that i will post it up in mums room so that it can be read by the staff.When i visit mum she is usually in the lounge & there are a few residents whose eyes light up when i enter,they give a little wave & i go over & talk to them while mums having a sleep.i've got to know their names & they tell me about their life (over & over again sometimes),but i love to listen to them.Many of them don't get visitors which is so sad.Sometimes we have a sing song,luckily i was brought up with singing so i know most of the old songs.I come home feeling that i have contributed to a little happiness in their life & they have given me a warm feeling inside.Many thanks for starting this thread it has been a great comfort to me when i felt so alone at the beginning.Love to all Margaret

i love working with people who suffer from this cruel disease its so rewarding when something as simple as a doll can help someone who hasnt spoke for ages speak

i agree

i write a newsletter every other month and have put it in my newsletter

this thread has been a comfort to people who have relatives with dementia and i'm glad i started it

That poem should be pinned up in Every Residential and Nursing Homes ,Day Centres,anywhere people with Dementia are cared for in the UK.

i love that poem

found the poem and pasted here

Crabbit Old Woman

What do you see nurses, what do you see,

What are you thinking when you look at me?

A crabbit old woman, not very wise,

Uncertain of habit, with far-away eyes,

Who dribbles her food and makes not reply

When you say in a loud voice, ‘I do wish you'd try',

Who seems not to notice the things that you do,

And forever is losing a stocking or shoe,

Who, unresisting or not, let's you do as you will,

With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.

Is that what you're thinking, is that what you see?

Then open your eyes, you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am as 1 sit here so still,

As I move at your bidding, as I eat at your will.

I'm a small child of ten with a father and mother,

Brothers and sisters who love one another.

A young girl at sixteen with wings on her feet,

Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.

A bride soon at twenty - my heart gives a leap

Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.

At twenty-five now I have young of my own,

Who need me to build a secure happy home.

A woman of thirty my young grow fast,

Bound to each other with ties that should last.

At forty my young now soon will be gone,

But my man stays beside me to see I don't mourn.

At fifty once more babies play round my knee,

Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead.

1 look at the future, I shudder with dread,

For my young are all busy rearing young of their own,

And I think of the years and the love I have known.

I'm an old woman now and nature is cruel,

'Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.

The body it crumbles, grace and vigour depart

And now there's a stone where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,

And now and again my battered heart swells,

I remember the joys, I remember the pain,

And I'm loving and living life over again.

I think of the years all too few - gone so fast,

And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, Nurses, open and see,

Not a crabbit old woman, look closer - see me.

This poem was found among the possessions of an old Irish lady who had died in a geriatric hospital. The poem so impressed Batha Rainey, a young nurse on the hospital staff, that she sent the copy to the Editor of Beacon House News, the magazine of the Northern Ireland Association for Mental Health. The old lady, Kate, was unable to speak but was often seen writing.

Supplied by Nancy Parker-Smith.

Huia,yes I think most homes with dementia residents have to have keypads.The home Mum was in was a Normal Residential Home and if able the residents could come and go as they pleased.Jenny the Manager said she would take Mum on trial to she how she behaved Luckily it was a small home ,only 13 .So there would normally be someone to spot Mum sneaking out the door.I have to say she led them a merry dance sometime and once somehow got a taxi and turned up at her old house.She rang the bell and asked the owners what they were doing in her home!!! walked in ,and was there for 5 hours until they discovered who she was and where she lived.The Jim ,the owner of the home had to go and collect her.She was very crafty and always tore up or threw away the address of the home which should have always been in her handbag.But she just wanted to go home and not be in'THAT 'place.
As Joy says it is heartbreaking when they keep asking and pleading for you to take them home.I used to cry buckets.

Dont get me wrong,the home mum is in is lovely & clean & the food is good,they have activities going on for the residents but of course mum cant join in,therefore i think its important that she has a bit of indiviual attention.Because she is blind & has very limited hearing she needs to be touched as this is the only way that she knows anyone is around.The staff are mainly very good but have limited time to spend with her.There is a poem called 'Crabbit Old Woman' which i think every carer should read,or even be posted up for the young ones to read.The poem is about an old woman that is looking back on her life & is quite touching.I was told about it by a social services manager so looked it up on the net.Of course we know that our loved ones had a life before dementia but i think that sometimes it is forgotten by those looking after them.My thoughts are with you all,its not easy.love Margaret

hi my mom has dementia.last year the doc says she has a tumour in her stomach.wether its benign or malignant it dont mater.shes too weak to operate so we have to just make her comfy.the flat she had i gave back to the council and shes now in a nursing home.very confused and mixed up .and asking when she can come home .i lie and tell her she has to put more weight on then 2 mins later she says please take me home.heartbreaking.xx

Do any of the homes in England have secure units to prevent the residents getting out? Ours has keypads for opening doors and of course with the dementia patients there is no way they would remember the code. The one my OH is in has them on a lot of the doors, so the residents cant go to the sleeping section in the daytime unless a helper takes them, and the dining room is also locked outside meal times. At night the residents cant wander into the lounge area. It must make it much easier for the carers to keep an eye on them rather than having them all over the place.

Huia.

It is good to see this thread up and running again.My Mum had dementia for 10 years and for the last 2 years of her life was in a Residential Home.She was a long way from me .A 6 hour drive.The staff at the home were just the best.I was kept informed as to how Mum was all the time.Especially when she went AWOL.Which was a weekly thing at one stage.Even though I worried about her I knew she was being looked after and cared for in the best way.
This is such a brilliant thread for people who need support from others in the same situation.

I have just read an article about a cat in a nursing home in Rhode Is. They realised that when a patient was close to dying the cat would snuggle beside them.

Our cat used to always go only to sit with my OH. She wasnt interested in me unless it was for food. When he went into hospital she sat at my feet looking up at me asking where he was, or perhaps she was trying to comfort me. For a month or so afterwards anytime I was feeling unhappy she would sit beside me. Now I am not so unhappy she doesnt do it.

Huia.

This thread helped me so much in the early days of us recognising Mums dementia.. Now she's in a home I hope I might find support here again.

Huia so sorry to hear your husband is in hospital

Erm sorry it was me who deleted I went to press edit to add bit for Huia.No harm meant


Tricia xx

Margaret, the private hospital where my OH is is very good. It is highly graded (5). The carers are very attentive to all the residents and try to vary their routine. They play ball with them and do various other things.

Huia in NZ.

n

Hi Bridget,my mum has been in a care home for 14 months,she will be 97 in Feb.Over these past few months she has lost over 2 stone in weight & there has been a marked deterioration in her both physically & mentally.Of course a lot of this is probably due to the fact that she is practically blind & has very limited hearing(none if her hearing aid isn't working).Dad died in October after being ill for just over a week,we havn't told mum because we dont know how it would affect her.He used to visit her every other day but she never mentions him to us or the carers.she used to sing quite a lot but now she doesn't even do that.Sometimes when we visit she knows that we are there other times we get no response from her.The home is fair to good but we have had quite a few issues that we had to address when she first went there.The problem seems to be that the staff are too busy to spend time with the residents.

Not read all of the threads, but been there bought the t.shirt with 2 in-laws. Saddest when my mother said who are you, lucky my mum died, sad I know but good for her. MIL in very good home but could have been better. More needs to be done, my daughter is scared that my husband or I will get it, so far so good, but it can be herediatry (see can't spell)
Carol