General Chat

Lindy what is love? why do we love someone ?

Ann x

you make excuses for him...cover up for him...lose a bit more of yourself each time it happens...think you are to blame...slowly creep inside yourself...feel ashamed...




until...with luck...you suddenly see what he is doing to you...you wait until he is asleep & make a break for freedom...


35+yrs ago now...but it took a long time & a kind,loving man to help me feel I was worth anyones love.

Lindy, that breaks my heart! But you done the right thing, are you in the right place now(head wise?)

yep, I agree , Kim, you have to love yourself , before you can love anyone else!

but look what you got now taff, peace of mind and thats most important thing xx

When our son was 9 months old, he hit me. It was the first time he did that and I’ll never forget it! But I loved him!

After that, he began drinking too much, so I tried unsuccessfully to cut it down. And I loved him!

It seemed to me that when he drank, he completely lost control and would hit me. But I loved him.

However, in my book marriage is forever. And I loved him.

I noticed that he was very rude to others and told him that this was not right. But I loved him!

I never realised how rude he was to me and about me. Because I loved him!

By the time I was expecting our second child, he hit me! I left because I was worried for my baby and I loved him!

After the baby was born, we tried again. Because I loved him!

By the time I was expecting no. 3, I realise that this was not working! But I still loved him!

He would be insanely jealous of my friends and gradually they disappeared. But I loved him!

Then, one day, after drinking, I tried to help him to bed. I still loved him!

But at the bottom of the stairs, he became violent. I opened the front door and pushed him out. He pulled me with him and we fell into the garden. The neighbours phoned the police. He was arrested, charged and appeared in court. The court gave him six weeks to find other accommodation. He phoned me from the court to ask if I would pick him up. I said, “No! Get the train!” But I still loved him!

Those six weeks were absolute h**l! I tried to stay away from him as much as I could but I loved him!

Eventually, he moved out and I filed for divorce. But I still loved him!

Going into court, I asked my lawyer if I was doing the right thing because I still loved him!

I havent read all the thread but my heart goes out to those who have had or have this in thier life. I have no personal experience of this and if a bloke tried it on me I belt him back. Im not being flippant I really would and then Id be gone.....but thats me.

I have come across this many times in my job and believe me its not easy for these women/men.

Theres a million reasons why......most probally added allready ............children ,blackmail, shame, insecurity, lack of self esteem, money, family pressure, race, sheer fear, religion, misguided love and or loyalty, guilt .......and loads more.

Ah sorry taff, sometimes its good to talk maybe just to see how you are feeling now as to how you felt then and know that you would never go back to that abuse, and its always the abusers fault dont ever forget that,

sorry for going on
love
ann
x

just want to add .. it,s not the end of your life once you are out, You are free cos you, ve broken the mold . Once you are free and moved on , you will never allow yourself to be in that situation again .
I,m 17 years down the line and not a day goes by that I regret making the decision to get out ..this saying worked for me during the tough times .
respect yourself first ...if you don,t how can others respect you ?
XXXX Kim xx

but I wasnt young, I was 27 , and was totally independent by then, was a carer for my dad , but workinking full time, he took ALL that away from me..

I feel there are all sorts of reasons..

Worthlessness....lost of confindence......thinking it wil get better...its all my fault.....or just to young to realise that not everyone is treated like this in a marriage / relationships...............

just brought back a stack of memories, cant even spell now!!
lolxxx

whats up taff
ann
x

phew, I,me drained now...........

Thanks Ladybird & Joy.

xxxxxxxhug to you both))))))

I am so sorry to hear about you experience.. i guess you felt numb at times.. maybe why cant we be like other couples etc..hope your pain has eased for you..the love bit that you mentioned thats the reason i left right down the bottom of what i wrote, as some people beleive thats love
you tc care .. hear if you ever need me
love
ann

very true Uzzi.......

shirley

the problem was with him

not you hun

sending you a ((((hug)))

I aint read most of the answers but will hazzard a guess u got ur answer

Abuse takes many forms and what some see as it others except.
Why do people stay in a relationship where abuse is there ...so many many reasons.
Sad at times but it's true that so many stay cos they dont know what to do.

Ladybird..........I have to say I agree with all your points and they are all good, true ones, except for the "love" bit........for me, the "love" bit was gone for me...........he had beaten that one out of me, no respect or love was left......................

I spent alot of my time thinking,,,,,,,,,,,is this right?.....why is this happening to me?

Is there something wrong with me??