Genealogy Chat

Thankyou Marion, Maybe in retrospect that should have been my first question. "What connection do you think there is?" I will certainly remember that advice next time around. Janet

Maz, my apologies, seems we got our wires crossed. I see now that you are referring to the emails from gr that tell you someone has requested access to your tree. Those can be ignored if you dont wish to allow access, as it is a request made through the gr system. Helen and myself were referring to people who send a message personally. I think people should realize that there is a difference.

I agree, it would be good manners. But everyone just isn't as polite as we are I guess!

Hi All I've read all the opinions for & against,i think you have to take the good with the bad. I joined as a non-paying member a week ago,within a couple of visits i saw a message from a lady i thought i could help,found i could not reply so joined straight away sorry to say no reply as yet,but on the good side i have just received heaps of help from another member who did a free look up,info that might have taken months to find.Maybe letting people look at a whole family tree is being over generous but replying to a specific request is just old fashioned courtesy,and really most of what we're doing is old fashioned !!.

I must admit that it is very disheartening not to get replies from people when you see a name in their tree that matches. I agree with the suggestion that non members should be able to put up a tree, but that the names should not be part of the searchable database to ensure fully paid members don't get excited thinking they have found a link and the person never replies. Also that details should be timed out and removed from the database when a membership runs out, again stopping or at least reducing the contact of people who have lost interest and forgotten about the site. Lets hope the big bods in charge read this thread and act on it! Vicky

I do hope that those of you who are trying to make contact with others do not conform to the typical request I am getting these days. I quote the following crass example: Hi Janet, I have come across a John ....., in my line born 1826 in Brigstock Northampton. Any joy? Sandy This sort of request immediately generates a feeling on the part of the receiver that the person sending you the request is not very familiar with Family History. It is a real TURN OFF, but many many requests I receive are like this these days. In the mushrooming of Family History people seemed to have forgotten that if they are initiating the enquiry, then they should be very specific in not only what they want but why they want it and where their line is coming from. When I tried to help this person without giving my family tree he then became very abusive when I seemed to rumble the fact that this person had done all the research on IGI had no certificates, except wrong ones and basically was just name collecting. With the name requested being so common in many parts of the UK I was trying to ascertain how he could be so sure that his rellies came from Brigstock. He was supposed to have had 10 years experience in Family History yet he told me he could not possibly join a Family History Society as he was not living in England. It does not take MUCH knowledge of Family History to know that anybody anywhere in the world can join a British Family History Society and obtain many benefits by so doing. This sort of person is enough to make people NOT want to reply in the first instance. I have always replied and given help even if no connection. I may now, after this abusive incident, which only happened yesterday, just think twice about answering crass and uninformative requests from now on. I have said many times before that if you are researching your family tree then each one of you is RESPONSIBLE to research your roots CORRECTLY, and part of this is to make sure that you approach other people with RESPECT and HONESTY. Janet

Maz, Have you had your information used by a professional genealogist? I am really sorry to hear that, if your have. That is not the way the vast majority of genealogists work, although I realise there is always someone, somewhere, out to make a fast buck in most professions. I really would hate to think that you, or anyone else, might believe that's the norm. I worked as a professional genealogist for nearly 10 years, and I can only apologise to you on behalf of all the wonderfully dedicated professionals out there - most of whom earn little more than a cleaner or a shopworker (though that's their choice) and most do the job because they love it, and not for the money. I know you could say, why charge at all if you love doing it? Most of my clients were unable, or unwilling to travel long distances to the local record offices and libraries where I did my research. Some weren't interested in researching anything themselves and so they employed me much in the same way they would employ a window cleaner or a plumber. Some just couldn't accept something for nothing, so felt happier in themselves paying for the information. I enjoyed my work immensely, and got a great deal of satisfaction from tracing other people's trees. I was never paid in advance, and my client was always in the driving seat. I also backed up everything, where possible, with photocopies. That was way every researcher I knew also worked. Oh, and there was one occasion when I didn't get paid at all......and neither did half a dozen others researchers that this person had employed. There's always one :-(( .....the rest of my clients were truly lovely people and 4 years later I still keep in touch with many of them. I can only hope that if there are genealogists out there picking up info through other people's hard work, then they are exposed for bad practice and that the numbers are very small indeed. Please don't assume that it's a common practice. Cazza

Maz My comments were not directed at you, but to the people who ignored my emails. Of course they probably never visit these boards, but it makes you feel better to get it off your chest! Best wishes Jacquie P.S should have guessed you had Cornish roots with a pseudonym like that - mines just my maiden name backwards!

I've only found one definate relative here so far, and it was worth it. She's my mums full cousin and had only just started her tree, I was really pleased to give her the tree for her branch back to the 1700's a few days after she joined this site. She helped me with the modern ones. Through rootweb I was able to give some distant cousins photocopies of deathcards, letters, times of the day of births - they sent me some marvellous stuff back and some really detailed research. If I'd sat on my tree I'd never have got any further and neither would they. It's a personal choice, but you should at least say I'm not interested in sharing - please don't just ignore an email.

I doubt everyone will agree with me here, but I think this site's membership requirements needs an overhaul. I quite understand if some people wish to use the site purely to build their tree online, and maybe they aren't interested in making contact. In which case perhaps they could have a free 'guest' membership that allows them to do that, but their details are not entered onto the database and they don't have access to it either. Then they could upgrade at any time if they change their minds. I wouldn't want to exclude them from message boards though, as these are really helpful to everyone, and just because they don't want to share their hard work doesn't mean they aren't willing to help others, or need advice, but they wouldn't be able to make contact with people directly, just post questions and answers. 'Guest' would appear alongside their names, and we'd not be able to contact them either. For those of us who are looking to share our info and make contact, we could pay for the full membership, as we do now. Anyone who let's their membership lapse, will become a guest. Their details will be automatically removed from the database, but their tree will stay on the site intact, and their contact details etc. only reinstated when they've paid up again. Some people come on here (granted, it may only be a very small number), add a few bits, lose interest and then never come on here again. They might change their email address and not even think about updating it. Why would they if they aren't interested in visiting the site again? I suspect that sometimes it's these people who we contact and never get a reply from. If they weren't on the database in the first place we wouldn't spend time mailing them and getting nothing back. I know it doesn't solve the problem entirely, but it's a start. I have so much information to share which I've researched over the past 25 years, and I'm also one of those 'one-namers' so I can offer people with that surname info that actually doesn't even relate to my particular family, but which I've spent a long time collecting. I'm happy to share any of my research with an interested party, and as for the onename thingy, I have my own website where much of it is online for anyone to see. Of course I won't deny that I'd love to get something new in return! Just a few thoughts. Cazza

I am with you Helen. There are quite a lot of people on this site with only their own names on the tree. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and if you dont wish to share or allow access, then dont, but at least reply to the person, even it is to say thanks but no thanks. If they persist, then ignore by all means.

I know I'm in for an ear bashing now, but Maz, if you are not willing to share your information why do you put you tree on the site? You will give others false hope when they match your names, and then they will get no help from you. What do you do if you spot that someone has added a name that may be connected to you? Don't you want info from them? I bet you do. So come on, lighten up. Being generous isn't painful you know, in fact it usually feels quite good. Personally anyone who contacts me can view my tree and if they want to copy the lot and add it to their own tree, so be it. The satisfaction of this hobby for me is pride in my own tree, others can do as they wish with theirs.

Sandra I agree with you 100%. Why go on a contact site and then ignore messages? I've replied to every contact I've ever received, it's only polite. Jacquie

Hello Sandra, I must agree with you, I have been having the same problem with one contact, I am 99.9% sure she is related. Having e-mailed her half-dozen times I am still waiting for a reply.....Let's hope we all find genuine researchers..... Cliff Goddard

I can remember when you clicked on message boards, you got a page with some lovely old photos on. Maybe that could be resurrected and a brief explanation of the purpose of each board added When in doubt, stick it in general topics, especially when not family history or site related.

I think that everyone who has contributed to this thread are the ones who always reply to an enquiry, as I always do. If it happens once, then it could be an old email address that has not been changed, but to happen several times, then that is just rudeness. I agree about marking names as to whether person is paid member or not. I seem to remember friends did that with different coloured envelopes, green for paid up members and red for not paid.

Cazza, I can sympathise, I found someone who was related to my Great Grandfather. I sent them photo's and they promised they would send me some, I gave them access to my family tree too. I only wanted the photo's, not a family reunion if that is what they wanted too. I understand that some people want to keep their distance. I was so hurt when I never heard from them again and they did'nt even have the decency to send the photo they had promised after me helping them . I will never get caught again. So beware everyone there are people out there even distant relative who are only looking after themselves!!!!

I have to say that although you have to be a full member to make contact with someone from the site, you dont actually have to be a full member to reply to a contact! I have a friend who is not nor ever has been a full member of the site and we put it to the test. My friend attempted to contact me but was not allowed unless £7.50 was paid for full membership.... SO.... I contacted my friend instead! My friend then read my message and replied to it! I recieved the reply instantly. I then gave my friend access to my tree and yes they were able to view... However when they then tried to give me access to their tree, again they were told they would need to pay £7.50 for full membership to be able to allow me to view. So now I know that if I do not recieve a reply to a contact then its not because the person contacted isnt a full member. It is however still really annoying when people dont bother! Shaz x

I had been hoping to make contact with my mother's family. She was adopted, but then reunited with her mother after 50 years apart, and as she was an only child, no-one else was affected. The whole family knew about her and when she met them they welcomed her with open arms. Sadly she died soon afterwards so never got to know them properly. When I saw one of their names on here, and recognised the person who'd registered, I mailed immediately, and offered that person lots of info and copies of photos that my mother had been given. I was so excited at the prospect of finding her family again, but that was months and months ago. I've mailed more than once in case something had gone astray, but I've never had a reply. Cazza

Sandra Totally agree I do not understand people putting names up unless they want contact with people with those names, I have had similiar experience of people not acknowledging my email asking about certain names, its very disheartening. I also think its really not fair that people who do not pay for membership can put names up does that not defeat the whole purpose? If you put names up and cannot be contacted or contact others whats the point? Sandra it does make sense that only members can be allowed to put names up, maybe it looks good for Genes that they can state they have so many millions of names ( a good advert for people to get an excited and join but obviously not everyone does join). Sam I also do get excited when i see names that match any of mine in the hope that someone will know something i don't and vice versa, and just maybe get help with the impossible rellies. And manners are to be used pity some people forget them Pat x