Genealogy Chat

nudge

hi, can someone please advice me on how i can contact a relative who was adopted . i would be most gratefull. many thanks sandy

Joan you are a star. Posted message on this site, your own plus another on one other site. Within 15 days my husband has been talking to his natural sister about his birth and his 3 other birth siblings. What a result !!!. Very emotinal and many tissues and a bottle of Pinot Grigio later. He hopes to talk to his natural mum later this week. Local Offy can not wait!!!!. Told him to slow down a bit though and to take it bit by bit. An awful lot to take in - may regret rushing in !!. There again who am I to say. Can only stand by and wait. Hope its worth it. Love him to bits. Regards. Libby

Jess Hi sweetheart, not talked for a while! For what it's worth I think you're doing the right thing. This whole thing has drained you (from what I can gather) and maybe you need some time out from it to let it all sink in. I know which cert you are referring you and, as you say, until it comes there's little you can do so not a lot of point dwelling on it. If you need to moan/cry/whinge/whatever, you know where I am Lou xx

Yes Lou, You know the one. When the cert comes, the next lot of emotion will kick in - what do i do with the info? where do i start? will he want to know? and all the etc's- and know you folk will be there for me. In the meantime I'm Hunting out Mum and Dad's rellies - and they are chuffed to bits,Creating a tree for my beloved neice, only back to 1827 so far!! Far less frustrating and almost therapy! Jessx

Hi Jess, Glad to see that your keeping yourself busy on your family tree, it would be a shame if you dissapeared of the boards completely but I understand how draining things have been for you, hopefully, the certificate will come soon and you can take things from there :O) Will keep my fingers crossed for you that it arrives soon, and that you find the information you want, in the meantime, take things easy :O) Best Wishes Sheila

hi everyone . listening t0 you all has me sat here in tears .i am 32 addopted at birth wirh an older sister who stayed with our well her mum . i had a great childhood , even look like my dad so its never bothered me untill i was ill with some joint deaise and then had my 3 children . then i got so fed up sayin sorry dont know my family history and nearly every doctor , midwife , nurse ect just have to ask why ? and when i say cos i m adopted they say oh and make me feel bad . not no more though , i trying now just to find my sister , yes it would be nice to meet our mother as well but i got this far and i finaly realise i have all the blood family conections i need . MY FAMILY . love to you all niki xx

I would like to wish my sister BARBARA MITCHELL (birth mame) a very happy birthday 2/2/59. And that i hope we meet one day, i will not give up looking for you Barbara, until then, have a wonderful day.

Nudge

bumped because there seem to be new adoptees about. Still waiting for birth brother b' cert to come-feels lke a lifetime! jess xx

I've read with great interest the postings in this thread and me being me thought i'd add to it. I was adopted in 1970 my birth parents were togeather but thought they were too young to get married have a family etc. I was brought up with a brother and sister who are also adopted it hasn't been perfect but i don't know a family that is! luckily my adopted parents gave all 3 of us a file which contained information that they thought would help us if we wanted to find our 'roots' I began tracing my birth parents at 18 i found both parents very quickly but put off contacting them for 3 years i used NORCAP to contact my birth mother to cut a long story short she wanted no contact whatsoever with me as far as she is concerned i didn't happen. I was devastated for months and hated her but for some insane reason i couldn't give up so one day i called her house and spoke to my half brother and told him who i was surprisingly he knew about me he came to visit we talked i answered all his questions i was full of hope then i never heard from him again. So next was my birth father he couldn't possibly be as bad! I contacted him by letter got a very brief reply so decided to use a different tack this time i travelled 300 miles and knocked on his door he was not pleased to see me and told me so, it turns out that he and his now wife (not my bm) had had a daughter taken into care and then adopted and she was the one they wanted at the door not me, i spent 4 very long hours explaining how she could find them what they could do to be found etc etc his wife did 90% of the talking they told me all about their daughter that was adopted, their lives but didn't want to hear about mine, I have never heard from him again. Now probably with age, maturity and the birth of my own daughter i have no hate or animosity toward either of them i have a huge amount of empathy with both of them and with all in the same position i could not begin to imagine the trauma of giving a child up. But i am tired of being this thing that happened 34 years ago, to be acknowlged as their child which IS what i am is immensly important to me. I have found relatives from my bm's family all over the world yet they don't know about me do i contact them or stay a secret? I have the most wonderful daughter who for various reasons does not have a living father and no gentic links apart from me so she will grow up with no history on either side. Anyway i've really gone on so i'll go before i get emotional. Thanks

My best friend adopted a little girl and then they all found out much later than the two parents actually married and went on to have 3 other children. This was only in the mid 70's. I just thought it was so sad that Claire had got full brothers and sister that she had not grown up with. Linda

Hello Everyone I have just spent the last hour and a half reading through this thread! Its a really great. I am an adoptee - I was adopted in 1963 from birth. I am currently awaiting adoption file. I had a wonderful life with my parents who have been deceased now since the 1980's. I have thought many times over the years about contacting my birth mother but never followed it through until last year when I finally started my search. I did locate my birth mother quickly as she had a quite an unusual name and by using 1837 found out a marriage and a sibling. An intermidery (and friend) contacted her very diplomatically by letter twice. She talked about data protection in the first response and in the second completely denied she was my B/M returning are letter with out the decency of a stamp and suggested we should have enclosed a SAE. I restarted my search and it has come full circle back to the same person I found to be my birth mother in the first place - the same address etc.. and with the help of GR I discovered I have two half sisters instead of one. I am now not sure how to proceed. I am pretty sure that no - one knows about me and this year she will have been married forty years - I am forty one. I would like to know her and my half sisters but at the same time do not want to destroy her life. I think she is quite frightened and thats why she has responded in the way she has, obviously to keep me away. I could not imagine keeping such a secret for so long, but then again I could not imagine having to give up either of my children - I just could not. I have decided to await my adoption file before I proceed - but curiosity killed the cat!! I do not live in the UK so the temptation of knocking on the door is not there - but oh how I would like to. I understand both my siblings possibly have children as do I (3yrs & !yr old). I was an only child growing up so its quite strange to know I actually have two half sisters (siblings). I now am just wondering how they will react to me. Oh well I guess I will jsut keep wondering for now until I decide what to do. Everything happens in its own time and I think as each stage of my search goes forward and brings something new its good to sit back and take a little time to review before proceeding. Mary

well well well, just found this part of the site. and let me tell you, what a great place this is,because this is where i belong. i too was adopted at 6wks old. i have obtained a small amount of info through social services eg my adoption records, found out my birth mothers name,and that i have a sister a year younger than myself.ive put my name on the general contacts register at smedley hydro. found out my biological fathers name and that he too had 5 other children to his wife. yes yes i was probably the result of an affair,but hey it happens. so what else can i do to better my search for my mother and sister cos i am at a loss. what i really want to do is just shout out my birth name, shout out my sisters name, and my mothers. tell everyone where i was born and all the other info i have in a bid that someone out ther will help me. but i cant. i dont know what i am or not allowed to say on here. can anybody help i have all this information about them but feel like im bashing my head against a brick wall sorry 4 ranting on martin

Hi Martin, You have quite a bit of information so you should be able to maybe get more setails by checking electoral rolls - I used 1837 alot along with the ER and GR. Its good to have somneone to help like an Intermidary. There are some good sites to check too - one of the good ones is birthparentsadoptees.com they have some good message boards and have chats to go into twice a week. They are really nice and helpful. Lesley runs the site. Everyone on it has something in common as they were either birth parents or adoptees - try it. Good Luck with your search Mary

Hi All Haven't checked in for a while so thought I'd say hi. I've been a bit bad and neglected everyone so apologies! Just to let you all know that I haven't heard anything from the letters I sent but to be honest I'm less and less bothered as the days go by. When I first began my 'quest' for my birth mother it seemed like the be all and end all that I should track her down and that she'd want contact. During the 'waiting game' that is the period between plucking up the courage to write and finally stopping mugging the postman every morning in case there's a reply, I've gotten into some serious research on my adoptive family tree. And now, I'm actually more into these people than I ever thought possible. I'm excited by every new little piece of information because these are my family. The ancestors of the people who raised me, looked after me when I was ill, put me thru Uni, looked after my son while I did my studies etc etc. So if my birth family choose to get in touch, then great, I'd be interested to get to know them if that's what they want. If they don't, then my life has been wonderful without them for 34 years and I'm sure it will continue to remain so without them. I've grown very attached to all my fellow adoptees since the person who shall remain anonymous started this thread and I'm always around if anyone wants to moan/whinge/just talk! Lou xxx

Hi Lou! and everyone else It's my day to start mugging the post man for borth brothers birth cert- dispach date was yesterday so maybe today is too much to expect. * update 9.30AM-No it didn't come Whilst waiting I have been researching my 'real' tree,Mum and Dads rellies and ancestors. There is something really gratifying in ringing Dad and saying iI had found his rellies back to early 1800- when researching birth family tree it was a lonely place to be- after all Mum and Dads family is the tree I belong on now - Grafted onto dammned good rootstock! Jess.xx

hi , I want to tell you a little story that might help , especially in Lou's case. I was born out of wedlock in 1962 and my mum at that time was 16 years old, from what she told me her parents were not too pleased at the time and I was considered for adoption.My mum did however keep me and managed to persuade her parents to except me.When I was 15 yrs old I found out my mum had had a second child a year later, a baby girl and indeed my sister as we have the same father.The father never stuck around and my mum was force to have my sister adopted.I have been trying to find my sister eversince and I know from what my Mum has told me that she really hopes I succeed.The point to this is that being adopted I know is hard on the child , but please don't be scared of trying to contact your natural parents as having you adopted might mean that you were not wanted .... I would dearly love to contact a sister I have never met. Saying that I also have no wish to put her in distress by contacting herif possible, but if we don't make the effort we will never know what kind of a relationship we could or might have. Hope this helps ..regards john.

Have just been reading this thread. My husband Tony was adopted at 6wks. He had a lovely mum. sadly no longer with us and a great dad who is now 81yrs. Tony did find his birth mother, took ages compiling a letter to her. She wrote back straight away, wishing no contact with Tony. She did inform him on various health issues within her family. We know quite abit about her, she married in 1961 and is still married to the same man. He knows of at least halfbrother & sister. His half brother brother is only 2yrs younger than Tony. He would be very easy to contact as his name appears on genesconnected. Tony would love to contact him but would never do so for fear of opening up a big can of worms for his birth mother who he suspects never told her family about him. I think its really sad that they don't know about him or have been given the oppotunity to get to know him.(he is worth knowing). Maybe one day she will change her mind, who knows. Tony would like to find his birth father, but he has a really common name so will be much harder to track down. The thing I will always remember is the moment Tony held our son for the first time. He said it was strange to see someone who looked like himself. Maxine

Hi I can appreciate what you are saying. Do you have any tips on my daughter-in-law trying to find her birth mother. Have tried lots of avenues but coming up with nothing.