Genealogy Chat

I was just wondering if other people experience this? Relatives make a preliminary GR contact keen to know if you are mutually related; you reply: 'definitely, this is a mutual ancestor/relative - how wonderful ... etc, please get in touch, email me back.. whatever, etc' ... and then silence! And you wonder, what that's all about? Any thoughts, experience on what the pyschology is here?

I know I don't understand. I have come to the conclusion that they must have a life and aren't as obsessed as me. Or maybe they have decided they don't like me? Pippa

i wondered if after thaey had had a look at my tree they no longer needed me! not everyone is like this though, have had good contact with lots of people who keep in touch

Ticks me off when you contact them and they delete themselves.

I too wonder about this...around Feb this year I was really excited to be contacted by a rellie. As I didnt even know of his existence, this was fantastic. We spoke for four hours on the phone. Then zilch. Then, in Aug, I received an email sayig he hadnt forgotten me, was just going on hols, but would contact me when he got back...I'm still waiting. He hasnt seen my tree and I have MUCH more info than he does...perhaps he has been reading my postings and decided he doesnt want to be related to a barmy old woman? Olde Crone

It's happened to me too, a very bubbly lady, all excited because she hoped she had a link with me, I say yes and give her more info.....then NOWT! What a waste of my time Sam

What you just said sounds like an aunt of mine, see only contacts if she want's to see my tree or say who's this person in your tree (from hot matches). She has contacted me once after I replyed to say who the one name was and confered another name for me but other than that I hear nothing from her. Other contacts on here are not too as we tend to get in contact when we find any new relatives that the other person may be interested in.

I've had the same thing!! I think what's up did your Grandad owe mine £500 or something and you're scared Iwant it back? Don't let it put you off. Jacquie

This is a very interesting topic which I think has several explanations. I think most people who regularly use Message Boards obviously enjoy writing (I know I do). But many people would sooner have their teeth drawn than to sit tapping away at a keyboard for any length of time. I think they put their tree on Genes, pay their £7.00, and then think they should do something otherwise it is a waste of money. So they dig around, find some names, make contact, satisfy their curiosity to some extent but then if it looks as though they might have to make a commitment to keep in touch or help you out - they lose interest! Thankfully, not everyone is like this. There are other contacts on GR who are just as obsessed and helpful as we are! You also have to take into account that some people are users - always have been users - and probably always will be - that is THEIR problem and nothing for us to beat ourselves up about! Go with the flow. Enjoy and celebrate when you find a fellow Family History fanatic who actually ENJOYS keeping in touch and sharing and collaborating on the family tree. Treat them well and treasure them - they are in a minority! When you receive a contact be polite but don't get over excited. Keep it in mind that most of these contacts are ships that pass in the night. I use to get annoyed by these disappearing relatives; but have learned to take it in my stride now. I have still gained a lot of information that I would never have had and if these 'cool contacts' can't be bothered to keep in touch or increase their knowledge of the Family History, then they aren't really much of a loss are they? You are all brill on here so don't worry about these Greta Garbo types!!! Cheers, Lynn

Many people do start with a real wish to research their family tree. Be it through watching the BBC programme 'Who Do You Think You Are?' or through an internet link eg Friends Reunited and their 'click here' link to trace your Family Tree. They sign up/start to search and then find it is not as easy as just entering what they know about their family into the internet to have a ready made Family Tree presented to them. Others will want to carry on but then find their interest waning (as many do with a new hobby that doesn't in the end 'totally' grab their interest). Then there are those who are 'faintly' interested but after realising how much can be spent in research...£7 per certificate plus the time and money that COULD be spent if one wishes to follow lines further elsewhere.... decide it isn't for them. I too have had many an 'enthusiastic' party who has not maintained contact.......I have learned to assume they fall into the above catagories and not to take it personally! Chris

I must be naive. I thought this had only happened to me. Could anyone tell me, when a person's subscription lapses, does their tree and it's members stay on the site? I wondered if that was why people didn't answer. I have had some very good contacts though. Even been able to help some people too.

People are wierd.......I think there is a bit of an anti climax for some members......the thrill of the chase or being chased-followed by a match -followed by a feeling of -IS THAT IT? I found someone living just half a mile away,someone who has a keen interest,his daughter was on this site...not a dickybird from her...god knows why she bothered....her father who is my gt. grandmothers youngest sibling(40 years difference!) came round to the house with photos certs and stories....most interesting bit Ive found so far,and answered lot of questions....that was in april- I said come round whenever you want-he said fine-theres more in the house blah,blah,havent heard a thing from him.Hes retired,plenty of time on his hands-bizarre.

Not always a bad result though... when I first joined this site I found a 2nd cousin listed - I messaged him and got no reply. A few months later, I tried again and this time got a short reply - that yes we were related and he'd write again soon... months went by and nothing further! Then, out of the blue, I got a long email from him, with lots of info on his side of the family. This would have been over a year since I first contacted him. We have stayed in touch ever since (another year has gone by), and in fact I'll get to meet him this week as he's passing through Perth. So never give up, they might come good yet! Richard

It happens. I was very excited to be contacted by someone on GR with the same gt gt grandfather. We progressed to e mailing off site and I sent a number of photographs of a relative (great aunt) we both knew and I had some great e mails bringing me pretty much up to date with family news etc. We don't live very far apart and I hoped we might meet. I then felt things were going well enough for me to ask some specific questions that I needed answers to, like why no-one from that side of the family attended my parents' wedding. I got no reply. Sent the email again - still no reply. I am just so disappointed. I am in the situation where my mother told me lots about our family history and now she's not around to ask I find that virtually all of what she told me was not true - and I don't know why. Maybe I will never know. Sheila

Hilary, don't let the blighters grind you down to their level. I have had more than my share of ingnorant members who want all the information you can throw at them - then they drop you like a hot potato! Others contact you - then when you reply, they just don't bother to reply. Some are even very rude when they do.....so, maybe you have had a lucky escape. I have extensive information, photos, and certificates relating to our Kendall family - one day a member contacted me asking if we were related in any way, and I told her that we definitely were. Despite giving her some of my family details, I got no feed-back about her Kendall ancestors, but I did get a snotty e-mail from her husband stating he had instructed his wife not to pass any info to me - UNLESS I produce a full family tree for him......so, why did she contact me in the first place. My advice - ignore them - its their loss. David

Re the question about lapsed members as far as I know if you simply don't renew a paid subscription you revert to a 'standard' member - ie tree stays on and you can reply to but not initiate contacts. You'd have to actually contact GR to cancel membership and remove your tree to remove names from site. Having said that I'm sure some of the lapsed members have lost interest so don't check the site and may well have changed email accounts and so no longer get notification that anyone is trying to contact them. Don't give up on those rellies though. I have sometimes waited an age and then suddenly had responses from people who had had personal troubles but eventually returned to their trees.

Have read all your comments and feel better as I have had similar experiences too AND DAVID, boy I would have been furious at that reply because I have found most people on here and other sites to be so generous with there time and have helped me so much. THEREFORE HAVE DECIDED TO MAKE THIS THREAD POSITIVE AND AM HIJACKING IT TO SAY THANK YOU AND IF YOU EVER E-MAIL ME I ALWAYS REPLY Elaine

thanks for this thread, it has cheered me to know there are many of you who also have received 'the cold shoulder' ! My grandfather appears on a members list. ( female line) I prefer to think she has not renewed her membership, or has lost use of her pc. or... perhaps my mother WAS right.... my fathers family were a 'funny old lot' 'tarred with the same brush' ( which means that I'M INCUDED !!! along with my Dad... tee hee!! ) and you know what.... I'M PROUD .. there are many who DONT know their father ( as he didnt ).. and I only wish I had told him how special he was too me sooner, and it doesnt matter how you got here in the first place... its what you do with your life while your here... xxkxx

Glad it's not just me here. I've got four relatives all working on various branches of this tree, but aside from me I don't think anyone else is really intrested as to how far I've got. It's taken a lot of research and plenty of £7 applications for various certificates and I was really excited when I managed to break the '1900 barrier' and get back beyond living memory. I emailed my contacts with the good news of how well I was doing and didn't hear a dicky bird. I guess they don't really care about it as much as I do. The one person I was in contact with for quite a whle wasn't even a relative of mine, but was a great deal more helpful and even offered to use her Ancestry subscription on my behalf. I only wish I could go back a couple more generations and find out I was related to her instead!

Hi Michael, Yes, I know what you mean! It's a shame we can't choose our relatives. I've certainly found that blood isn't always thicker than water. I too get excited about the Family History and when I try to share it with my relatives, they don't look all that bothered! I guess we are just more sentimental and enjoy the detective work! Don't let it worry you - there are plenty of like-minded people on here to share your successes with. Cheers, Lynn