Genealogy Chat

I had a hot match with one of my names (right place too) so I mailed them saying that I thought we may be connected and this is the details of my guy does it tie in etc. I got this sort of monosyllabic reply. 'What does he have to do with you' - No please, thanks, nice to hear from you. So I wrote back repeating everything I had already said and gave access to my tree. Nothing, not a word since then. I mean, I really hope that ape wasnt related to me, but why are people so rude.

Hi Heather, I know exactly what you mean! Why oh why do some people bother joining and taking the time to add names and then they won't speak to you. I found my greatgrama on someones tree and I had done that line last year so I sent them a message, opened my tree for them and that was 2 week ago - still no reply! I would preferer a message just saying doing it for myself. Regards - Louise

Heather How irksome! I am v. frustrated with GR contacts - there's no contact at all, though I can't believe I'm the only one tracing my tree, or people contact you and then you never hear from them again, or they don't respond or they are rude. I am desperate for someone who contacted me to get back and tell me HOW he knows my gt gt grandmother was illegitimate as I have no details about her at all!!! nell

Hi Heather, How very rude. I can understand that after an initial acknowledgement and brief exchange, it sometimes takes a while to get your head round a particular family (especially if it's one you haven't worked on for some) or if you have had several people contact you about different families all at the same time. But that is no excuse for a rude, unfriendly reply. How long does it take to say 'thanks for your message - I will look into it and get back to you.' I have made contact with one person who I know is connected - same name, d-o-b and small village, but no response. Suppose it's possible they no longer belong to GR, but yet had a reply with home e-mail addy from someone else who is no longer a member, so not sure if that applies! Oh dear, Nell - how frustrating, especially when you probably feel that this is your chance of a breakthrough. Does that constitute mental cruelty? Jay

I can understand people NOT being able to reply as someone contacted me about my family and after emails exchanged, suddenly my contact asked why I had emailed him as he had never heard of me or my family, obviously the emails are getting mixed up somewhere. This was not the case here, so I do wonder why people bother to join if they dont want to share anything. If anyone emailed me about Clara Phillips and Thomas Brat would you try again. Ellen X

I have been really lucky - the last batch of hot matches I had - there were 3 people who had the same names in their trees as mine - and every one of them have been back in touch and we have been able to fill in the blanks for each other - even ended up with a pic of my great grans brother - hes the spitting image of my brother! Then again there have been dozens that I have contacted and no reply - the ones who have more than make up for it :-))))

What annoys me is when you get a message saying how do you fit into my tree? It's my tree too and I feel like saying the same to them.Then one nice lady asked me whereI got my information from as there seems to be a lot of mistakes about her family being spread about.I thought the whole idea was to share trees and help people.Some people seem to be very possessive about facts and just give you enough to wonder about but never let you see their tree So much easier to give access Don't you think Moaning over Love to everyone and I hope you all have a really wonderful Christmas

I can understand why people on here are annoyed about rudeness -there is no excuse for that. However, I can undertand why people are sometimes reluctant to open their GR tree. When someone asks about a branch of your tree, when you open it, you don't only show that branch but the ENTIRE tree. So far, GR has not come up with a way of just allowing people to see the relevant bits! I don't open my tree very often now as I prefer to issue the interested party with a genealogy report from my family tree programme. I think the reason many people are coy about sharing their tree is because of fears of identity theft (from information re living individuals). I once shared my tree with someone only fto see her list my grandmother on GR with the wrong birthplace even though I had supplied the correct birthplace. Once you 'share' information it is out of your control and people can interpret the information as they please (including incorrectly). I can't tell you how miffed I was to see my grandmother listed on GR with the wrong birthplace. However, this contact wanted further info and I said unless you correct that false information about my grandmother, I won't be supplying any further info. This might sound harsh; but when you have toiled with blood, sweat and tears to get this information, it pi***s you off no end to see someone go on to make a pigs ear out of it. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. As for this person only giving you enough to tempt you with - you are a family history researcher aren't you? So research! Personally I don't like having it all handed to me on a plate - takes the fun out of it! Cheers, Horatia

Those automated replies 'This is not my relative' are so awful! But as you say, this guy didnt have that excuse. I know I contacted one hot match a month ago and there seemed a likely connection and after a bit of digging I found it - this mans rellie was my GGMX3 brother - everthing fitted beautifully. I was pleased, sent him all the evidence and heard nothing. This week on the new hotmatches, he has added all my people!!

Heather, So basically this guy is just a user. He just wants your info and doesn't want to bother with the social pleasantries - I dislike those types intensely. I only bother giving information to those who treat me as a human being, and not just a convenient source of info! At the end of the day, they are just trying to save themselves money spent on BMD certificates. Yet receiving the BMD certificates through the post is one of the most exciting parts of Family History. They may think they are saving money but they are cheating themselves of the thrill of discovery. Cheers, Horatia

Hi All Ive had one of those message.. 'Not my relative' thought the guy was being bad mannered to be honest. I never send them that type of message I always type mine saying Sorry but im afraid were not linked or connected. then I close it with saying happy hunting and regards. Luckily Ive had quite a lot of links.. one was even my cousin and we were examining each other as to why we had the same grandfather LOL it was so funny until I said I come from Liverpool and she said I have a cousin in Liverpool LOL. Regards Yvonne

very rude! i've had people get in touch and just ask to look at my tree!! no details about anything!! so i ask them what the connection is, if they reply and say what they are looking for and if i think they may have a connection then ok, but if no connection i politely say: sorry, i don't think there is any connection! does'nt take a minuet to be polite. chris.

I think most of us hate the pre formed messages It doesnt take long just to say sorry no match sometimes a 2nd look finds one. What I hate most is when you do have a connection you pass on your info and then...................nothing. and sometimes these have been close gives one a complex!!!!!! sandie

Heather, I've had replies like that before - and initial contacts just saying 'what's **********'s middle name?' And that's it. Hopefully it's his loss, not yours. It is very rude, though. Just one other thing - consider yerself told off! lol - you insulted the Ape population! x

I agree with Horatia. My tree has been expensively researched over twenty years, when you had to put on your hat and coat and go and sort through dusty old archives. Since the Internet and this Site, I have had a lot of generous help from other Members, none of whom feature in my tree, so there's nothing in it for them! I made the mistake of opening my tree to someone the first time I was asked and they copied the lot. I emailed three times, saying that the link they had assumed was incorrect and I could prove it, there being at least 20 women with the same name in the same area. I never got a reply. This REALLY annoyed me - it took me YEARS to eliminate those 20 women, and quite a lot of hard cash too. I am not interested in adding to the overwhelming mound of poorly-researched trees, there are enough mistakes to contend with already. I am now very very careful - rarely let anyone see my tree, but feed them info bit by bit - if there really IS a connection then I'm happy to share. But they have to prove it to me - just as I would expect to prove it to them. However, I hope I always answer a request courteously, and i never use the automated replies, I hate them. Olde Crone

Heather, Hope you have now denied access of your tree to this person. I also wonder sometimes, why people come one this site. My sister!, who I have not spoken to for years, has recently submitted a tree on here, she couldn't even get our dad's name or birth year right, and she lived with him, I didn't!!!!!! lol No Hot Matches for us then as name and dates don't tie in!! Kim

What really annoyed me is when I had no connection with the person who initially contacted me, but did a little research for them and set them on the right track. I got no reply or thank you from the person. I also get annoyed when I know there is no connection and the other person bombards me with 'can I please look at your tree'. I have given them the reason why we are not connected, so there is no reason to let them into my tree. Susan

I agree with Susan Maidman. Some GR users seem to be addicted to that Can I See Your Tree button! I, like Susan, have had people ask to see my tree when I have explained that we aren't connected - what's the point of that????! Likewise, I get people showing me their tree before we have established if there is a link!! Is it too difficult for them to type out my ancestor was the son of so and so or my ancestor was married to so and so? From either of those two statements you can usually tell if there is a link unless you are at the very beginning of your research. My Shared Trees page looks like a forest and most of it is of trees that have no connection to me whatsoever! Every now and then I go into the forest and have a cull (not with an axe but with the delete button)! Some GR users really don't have a clue what this site is all about ! If they can't even research how this website works; how the heck are they going to research their ancestors? I think a small majority of GR users want the entire family tree handed to them all for free on a plate! Personally I should dislike that intensely. I love Family History research, It keeps me coming back for more. Cheers, Horatia

I too feel rather sour about a contact I had recently. Although he was nothing to do with my family, I DID know exactly where his missing rellies were - the ones he had been looking for 'for fifteen years'. I sent him a lengthy email with a list of where and when I had found these people, including full references to Removal and Settlement Orders, Wills. census, BMDS etc, as I say, all fully referenced. I dont know how thrilled he was to have all this info about his family who he had been looking for for fifteen years - cos he never even replied to my email. A bit miffed, I emailed him again to ask if he had received the info. He emailed back the message: 'Yes, thanks' Olde Crone

I hate those automated responses, GR please sort it... I have spent a tidy fortune on my humble research, including a £200 clamp/tow when at the FRO in London, I have just gone and had a dam good prune of the people who just dont want to share!!! or even comminicate with me. One guy has 8 bang-on hot matches with me, but he says theres no conection, he's loss. If you dont want to share, what are you doing on here? Best wishes Alan