Genealogy Chat

I've just started making use of the Genes reunited site and someone has asked me to open my tree because he has a matching name on his tree. He has told me absolutley nothing about how we might possibly be related but has asked me three times in two days to open my tree. I'm reluctant to let a complete stranger to know all this personal information. How do people usually come to the decision whether to let someone see their tree? Should I be concerned about anything like identity theft for example. Thanks - Julie

hi, ask him what the link is first, then if you think it's a good link let him look, if not just say sorry for now but we need a stronger link that's what i do anyway claire

Julie You do not have to share your tree if you don't want to. If this person thinks there is a link they should at least give you some details ! Ask them for some details so as you can see if there is a link first. I am always willing to share my inforamation if a link can be proved. But opening up my tree is something I don't do very often if the link isn't a direct one. Ask some questions and then you can decide what you want to do ESta x

I wouldn't unless he can tell you how he thinks you match. Has he let you look at his? Quite often when I get asked they have forgotten to untick box and can see thiers. Jeanette

I wouldn't be too worried at this stage. I usually ask if they can let me know which person in my tree they think we have in common and what relation they are to this person. Only when you have this information and know that there is definitely a link between your two families would I allow access to your tree. Most people on this site are genuinely looking for links, and the whole point of the site is to find each other and share information, but he has to give a little bit of information before you do this. Kath. x

Julie You have to ask yourself how upset you would be if a complete stranger copies everything from your tree (because you have given access) and then posts it, either on his own tree on here, or as happened to someone recently, on a Public Website which is nothing to do with Genes. I am getting very 'hard-line' about this - I never open my tree. You don't have to, even if he proves he has a connection to you, you can drip out whatever information you are happy to give away. After all, it is very unlikely that all YOUR ancestors are ALL his, if you see what I mean. Better safe than sorry, and I certainly would want some specific detail from him about the person he thinks you are connected through. Olde Crone

The decision ultimately is yours,but personally i would only open a tree if i knew there was a definate connection. The only tree i share has entries for 'living unknown' on all living people belonging to that tree. That's fine by me,it's a fairly distant cousin,so his partner ,her parents and siblings missing from my tree are of no great detriment. Only open your tree if you are 100% sure. If the person requesting the information isn't willing to explain the connection then ask yourself are they really worth the risk?And is thee anything you would learn from that tree that you couldn't find yourself. A genuinely interested and connected person would be halfway decent with a request. Glen

Sandra I am beginning to think that's ALL they want from me (to fill in the blanks!) I have said this before, but my tree has cost blood sweat and tears, and probably well over a thousand pounds (I darent reckon it up). As a result, I have got very protective of it - its my baby, you understand. I dont mind sharing with a genuine researcher - preferably someone who has got further back than their own Grandparents. What I REALLY object to, is giving someone ALL the fruits of my labour on a plate, only for them to let the plate go cold and eventually throw it away! After all, I managed to find all the information on these people, so presumably other people can too, if they are interested enough. Its trying to work out how interested, for how long, they are going to be. And yes, there is the ever-present worry of identity theft. If you say NO now, you can always say YES at a future date, when you have established a genuine link and have some measure of the other person. If you say YES now, you have no control over the information and saying NO later on will be too late. Olde Crone

I've had this happen. Ages ago someone copied all my tree details within half an hour after I gave access, so I learnt my lesson. Recently I contacted someone about an unusual name and gave some basic details. That person asked to see my tree but I said lets establish a link first. Since then total silence from them. I've offered to provide further information on my side but they have now ignored me again Their loss I think, Selena

Yes just reply saying could you tell me more details of this person and what connection you have with them. I get loads of requests - 'Can I see your tree?' 'Who are you interested in?' 'George Martin' 'Which one - there are ten on my tree' 'Oh any of them, it was my Grandads name' 'And where was your grandad from?' 'Brighton' 'Sorry, all my lot are from Bermondsey' Its incredible that they dont even give the basic info to show good faith, isnt it. Lovely one the other day 'Can I see your tree' Ditto all the questions above - turns out they were Jenkins from Wales and this person in my tree was a Jenkins so they thought there may be a connection!!

Heather, If you think Jenkins is bad you should see the number of queries I get regarding Joneses, quite frequently ones who never set foot in Wales! I'm surprised at the number of people who send an initial message and open their trees to me immediately - most wildly over-optimistic, with the result that I have access to twenty other members' trees, only six of which are definitely linked to mine (although there are two others which might be, but we haven't managed to prove it yet). Perhaps they think it will encourage me to reciprocate, in which case they're wrong; the only people who can see my tree are the aforementioned. I'm not so worried about identity theft, since my tree contains no information that they couldn't find for themselves if they bothered, I just consider that if they're nor related to me then it's not their business. Michael

Someone has kindly opened their tree to me so I can ''help find their ancestors'' (I had made no offer to do this and don't know the person)...... Took a look. She has women having children well into their 70's and men having children before puberty and only back to the 1920's as yet...................... Some folks are just too generous................ Merry

Hi Julie I had the same as you a couple of weeks back. This same person kept asking to view my tree using the automated reply system. (I hate that anyway,it's so impersonal!) I politly replied to all 6 requests only to recieve yet another auto reply...NO names...NO dates....NO places!....so stuff him! He can go do his own research and I'm quite happy to do mine. Good luck and happy hunting. Gerri x

That's what I do too, Ann....seems to work OK. Have never had any protests! Merry

Yes exactly - for goodness sake make sure you untick the bit that gives them immediate access. And I do as the others, not give them access anyway, just deal with the one name they come up with. Having said that I was like this last week with a girl who contacted me - I went through the who, what, where, etc and then I even asked the fathers occupation and bingo - its was a lighterman and I knew it was connected to me. Since then between us we have found 200 lightermen connected to both our lines of the same family and she has sent me about 4 photos and scans of certs.

Perhaps I'm a bit more relaxed about this... I'm happy to give someone all the info I have on a particular branch, and haven't yet come across anyone who wants to copy several hundred people into their tree who are only related because someone's great-great-great-uncle married someone else's seventeenth cousin six times removed. If others have, that's a shame, it does rather go aginst the spirit of it.

Yes, I agree with Ann from Sussex. That's how I manage my contacts. In the words of the Frank Sinatra song I do it MY WAY - not GR's way. The day GR make it possible for you to only open PARTS of your tree I may change my mind; but I can't see that happening in my lifetime! ;-) Never feel pressured to open your tree. You are in control - it's YOUR tree and you can dictate terms and conditions. Cheers, Horatia

Ask to look at his first - if he is sure there is a good link you'll find it! Good Luck,Tom P.S I'm new to the site and have been letting everyone I contact look at my tree - but after reading some of the comments on here i have changed it so that only people who I have got a link with can look at it! I was so naiive!

Be careful Tom.........Opening your tree to just people where a definate link as been found can be risky too!!! I opened my tree to a genes member. I didn't mind him copying the branch of the tree he had a connection with but he then carried on to copy all the other people who he has no connection to at all!!! As soon as I noticed he'd gone further than just the ones he needed I stopped access, he didn't get it all but he does have people that are NOT related to him at all!!!!

I used to be very relaxed about my tree. Now I make sure there is a definate link before I open mine. I had all my tree pinched, then he tried to say we were related because he had one of my gt.grandmother's on his tree. She was only there because he had pinched my tree. It is now on World Tree on Ancestry among his tree. Only thing is he has some of the birth details wrong, so unlikely to get a contact. I dare say some of your rellies are on his tree as well. He is still a member of Genes. Hilary.