Genealogy Chat

hi all, couple of months ago found 2 brothers of my aunt on my mums side, didnt know they existed at the time, but phoned em, and agreed to visit them. When I got there, they didnt want to know, and told me in a polite way to 'shove off' not interested in knowing about their mum and dad. 5 weeks ago I found a long lost g/aunt OCTAVIA ADA, my grandmas youngest sister born 1871 she died age 95 in EASTBOURNE in 1966. Found her son and dau in law, then found THEIR son and dau in law, then THEIR unmarried son. phones em up, tells em who I am, and they seemed interested so wrote to them. You guessed it! they didnt reply, left it 2 weeks wrote again, and still no response. tried phoning again but now get an answering machine and they dont respond. Am I the only one with lousy relatives? TED

no ted your not the only one believe me we all have them in our familys its a shame things worked out the way they did for you i bet you feel gutted at the way you have been treated chin up,im sure you have some nice rellies out there angiex

Hi Ted, How disappointing for you? Hopefully they will reply in time. I know what it is like, I contacted someone who I knew was related and they didn`t reply either. It is sad when that happens, but we just have to respect their feelings I suppose. Luckily there are plenty more people who DO want to make contact with their rellies. Hope you find some soon. Frances

quick reply here. dont loose no sleep over it, many screwed up familys, mine included. your future is your family now , thats my moto anywhere, keep smiling and dont get down. Take care

Thanks everybody, I thought it was me, I do have a bath once a year whether I need it or not. TED.

Well Ted, that's one thing you can give up if the water shortage forecasts come true. :-) Keith

lol Ted, I'm glad to hear that!!! Unfortunately, I have found that some people put their rellies/ancestors on pedestals, and when they find out they were only human (illegitimate children etc) they get very defensive!! Personally, the more 'human' I find my ancestors the better!! maggie

Never mind Ted, as they say, you cant choose your rellies. I guess a lot of people arent great communicators and things that seem easy for some of us may put the fear of god into them.

Hi Ted, Sorry to hear your relatives aren't so nice. You can adopt me if you like, I promise to write every so often!!! Fiona. x

No, Ted, you're not the only one. When I was entering my dad's family's details onto GR, I found someone else with his half-brother in their tree (it's a very rare name, so I'm absolutely certain it was him), but he expressly asked me not to contact that side of the family. I'm aware that he hasn't had any contact with his half-brother since their mother's funeral in 1980, but I was slightly surprised at this request. I thought it best to agree not to, and have not. Maybe I will sometime, possibly after Dad has made his final appearance in civ reg records. I don't see why a rift which occurred before I was born should prevent me from making contact now with people who are actually related to me. Is there something they know about him that he doesn't want me to know?

no wonder if you only have a Bath once a year!!!! only kidding its their loss, I too found some living rellies and so far been quite lucky, but the last living Sister of my Father the one I really could do with for info doesnt really want to know. My next door neighbour was going to do her Tree so she asked her mum what her mothers name was (meaning maiden name) and she said Mum, she got the impression that a family tree was horrific, I think sometimes they are hoping to hide things they dont want us to find.

Ted, Unfortuately it is not uncommon. The least helpful (or ones that don't even acknowledge your request) are the ones that are sitting on the information you are after. Even polite requests for information that one is more than willing to pay for their time and photocopying, postage etc is just ignored! I also have a problem with people that quite happily take the info you have photocopied etc with out the good manners of saying 'thankyou' The people who have helped me the most are the ones that aren't related but are just plain helpful!!! Not a lot one can do about it Victoria

You think your rellies are miserable! I have been having lots of problems tracking down my grandfathers birth details in South Australia and absolutely no record of his father Charles Henry Engle. So I wrote to all the Engles in Australia (there were only about 40 listed) I got one reply and that was from a kind woman who stated that she had married and separated from an Engle and gave me some general details of his family. Not a peep from the other 39! Now that is a miserable lot John from Balmain Sydney

What a shame for you Ted, but never mind, you have some nice rellies-in-law, don't you (said she, looking for compliments!!) Tina

You are not alone, Ted. My sister in law hasn't spoken to my husband and I for several years over some really stupid thing that he didn't even do!!! Believe it or not, she didn't bother to tell him when his mum died last year until several days later. Even worse, she didn't tell his sister who only lives round the corner!!! Ah well. It is the miserable ones' loss, not ours. Concentrate on the nice ones.

Tina, I know all about you, one of my favourite in laws, you I put on the top of my tree, although only at XMAS, with a little silver shiny dress carrying a magic spell wand, and boy, can you sing. Go on give us a chorus of 'God rest ye Merry Gentlemen' EDDIE XXX

Ists a real shame that we dont keep in touch. I wish I had done, I went into the Army in 1952 came out some 7years later saw the world, enjoyed myself and never really kept in touch, and im really sorry. Lost my dads mum and father, my mums mother and father and missed one big of juicy gossip regarding a lady who passed herself around the male members of the family and finished up marrying one of them. So lots of info that im looking for now vanished in those 7 years. Never mind whats gone has gone. TED. tHANKS FOR ALL YOUR MESSAGES, ITS GOOD TO KNOW THAT IM NOT THE ONLY ONE. That doesnt sound right does it?

I bet poor old Tina does sing if you stick her on top of a christmas tree - ouch

hello ted sorry to tell you this but you are not on your own at least you get a reply john

It's a very normal response Ted ........................... Now, if you really really want a reply, casually drop the word 'inheritance' into the conversation........ you'll be amazed how keen and quick your rellies will be to talk to you, lol!!! Bev x