Genealogy Chat

someone mailed me earlier tonight asking to view my tree------nothing else----no details---info----names----nothing! they allowed me to see there tree-----not that i wanted to! and they only had about 6 names on it!! and none matched mine! so why ask to see mine? i mailed back and asked what name they were looking for or what info they had-------yep you guessed it-----heard nothing since!! of course i didn't open my tree. just had to get that off my chest cos i am fed up of people wanting to see my tree when they have no connection!

just had a look at my contacts and this person mailed me not long ago and asked if one of my rellies was the same as there's, i mailed back and said 'no, wrong one' but they still want to see my tree, can't they take no for an answer!!

Same happened to me and I was foolish enough to give permission. Was it someone named Lisa? Usually when one replys to a PM their name appears in the 'my contacts' section but it's not there so I can't remove the permission. What now? Rose

Rosemary, no, that's not the name, this one is male. go to 'shared trees' and see if the name is there, and delete it.

Hi Me, Yes, that bugs me too when that happens. Why do some people on this site seem only to possess the communication skills of an amoeba?!!!! They seem to be under the impression that they can press buttons without talking to the tree owner!!!! Grrrrrrr! We are PEOPLE not ROBOTS! Please remember that there are people at the other end of the computer! Mind your manners! Ooooooh! I feel better for that rant! Cheers, Horatia

sorry Rosemary, just had a look, you can't delete from 'shared trees' if the name isn't in your contacts [should be] i don't know how you would delete it!

any time I ask someone info from Hot Matches I don't ask to view their tree or let them view mine until I'm sure there is a connection especially as a lot of the hot matches are not matches at all. Isn' t that the way is should be???

Hi Deb, Yes, that is the correct way to proceed. You shouldn't go round showing your tree to everyone until you know there is a match but I think some people are too lazy to write a dialogue and take the easy way out and open their tree to all and sundry!!! 9 times out of 10 there is NO CONNECTION and then you are stuck with a load of trees you didn't want to see in the first place. I often contact these 'helpful' folk and tell them to withdraw their permission as I don't want a shared trees page like Epping Forest with a load of unconnected Contacts! Cheers, Horatia (still in rant mode)!

Well we live and learn eh? Perhaps there should be a set of guidelines on here for 'helpful' newbies like me. Although most of the people i opened my tree to got a load of spiel from me as well, so they were bombarded with trees and the nonsense to go with it. Oops, lol. Right, so no more tree opening until I have fully interrogated the other person. I just want to find out where I came from and to connect with someone who is related to me. I realise there are people in this world who may take the information on here and use it in a dishonest way, but i was hoping that we were all working towards the same goal on this particular site. Never can be 2 careful tho I suppose. Happing hunting everyone, Bex x

Hi Rebecca, I usually find that you don't have to write a lot to confirm or disprove a connection. I usually write: Was his father Fred Bloggs? Was his mother Mary Jones? Or did he marry Susanna Smith? Those three questions normally sort the wheat from the chaff. (Tee-Hee)! Cheers, Horatia

Hi Horatio, Glad I stopped you being in rant mode and got a tee hee, lol. Though I would be a bit shocked if the mother was called Fred Bloggs :) Will definitely ask questions along those lines in future. I think i was a bit over-keen to find connections. Ta very much, night night, Bex x

Think perhaps there should be some newbie guidelines. I came across this site by accident and wanted to join as i have recently lost my mother. A hot match came up with a name in my tree so i contacted the person (didn't ask to see tree) and all i got back was 'Not my relative'!! Ooh thanks for the kindness shown. I don't want to contact anybody else for fear of upsetting them!!

If the name isnt in your contacts its probably because it will show up under a different surname because she is married. Try looking for her first name. However it should have the name of the person she contacted you about Margaret

Hi Karen, I can empathise with you because I got into family history after the death of my mother. I would say the best way to approach people is to ask them the type of questions I have outlined for you above. Keep it short and sweet because people don't really want to wade through loads of spiel in the early stages - especially if there isn't a connection! You will always find rude people in all walks of life - even in genealogy. It is best to just swear about them under your breath and carry on in the hope that you will find a connection; but I wouldn't confine your search solely to this website. Cheers, Horatia

Horatia I have always used your approach, but recently came a cropper even with that method! Did your Betty marry Fred Bloggs? Was her father Arthur? Yes indeed, came back the reply. I did not open my tree, for which I am now fervently thankful, but the contact sent me 30 pages of very impressive research. I have just wasted 17 hours checking this. Each individual FACT is correct. The links between each generation are not, and his Betty DIDNT marry my Fred Bloggs, cos he hasnt found a marriage - how, therefore does he know who Betty's father is? (Common name). I asked the question - and have had no reply. Olde, fed up, Crone

Olde Crone, So he was fibbing really in the hopes that you would show him your tree! I suppose where human beings are concerned there is no foolproof method; but I will stick my present modus operandi until I think of a better one! :-) I will be on the look out for people who fib about Betty and Fred Bloggs! ;-) Cheers, Horatia

this has happened to many times now, only last month i had someone contact me, ok, this person was genuine, they had some in there tree that i had in mine, they were going to send me photo's and a cert, so i thought--fair enough---i will send a cert of mine,which i did---more fool me!---they sent me a cert but i couldn't open it,so i mailed back and told them----they sent another-------still couldn't open it, i mailed again----i was told they were having probs attaching file to email and were working on it-----------heard nothing since!! my subs are due in august----i won't be renewing,and i will take my tree off here!!

well----iv'e done it!! i've deleted my tree on here, i wont be posting on here any more.

Karen: I understand what you mean and to be truthful in the beginning I may have responded to some with short 'No sorry' answers but now that I'm been around and learned the proper etiquette I try to respond with a friendly no answer. However that being said lots of times I'm not sure so will respond with a maybe and save the info just in case. When I post for help I also try to thank everyone who responded to my search needs. Your probably right about posting guidelines, wouldn't hurt and there is always a posting which gets nudged often about site etiquette. We need to all take a few minutes to say thanks Debs

Although I am new here, I personally don't see what the fuss is about. I don't mind people looking at my tree, it would stop them having to ask questions. I have noticed though that when I have requested to view someone else's tree most don't reply and I think that's ignorant!!! I am trying to find my dad and only want to view someone's tree that I think may have some corresponding information. I certainly don't have any underhanded plan to use the information for anything else!! Michelle