Genealogy Chat

So many threads i have decided, with some advise from an understanding GR member that i will add one. I decided to add a different thread because there are so many on the other links. I am a mother who was forced to part with my daughter in 1968. I was deemed too young to look after her and as the years have gone by i have to agree with that advice. I am passing every waking day wondering if she is well? is she happy? and the worst thought that will run through every woman who has had to part with their children, is she still alive? I understand the feelings that are running through all adoptee`s. and i feel that i must advise them to tread carefully. Do not go into this with rose tinted glasses, some mothers may not want to be found. I, for one would. All my family know about her, but i do understand that she has a `Family` to concider. I hope you all have some form of success and form many bonds along the way. My heart goes out to you all. Vanessa

Thanks vanessa. i am sure i speak for many when i say people like you , gave many of us adoptees the chance for a happy life, with parents who would not have had the priviledge of being called Mum and Dad . I know i had 'everything ' and more...and know that my birth mother would not have been able to give me the chances and opportunities that Mum and dad have. I thank them for that in my heart, and remeber that , despite what i say about my birth mother at times, it was her that gave them the chance to give me the chances. I do hope your daughter finds you, and that happiness surrounds you both Jess x x

Thank you Jess. unable to speak right now because of the tears i feel for them all. I wish i could help them all. All the best to you and yours. Vanessa

hi vanessa i am an adoptee and did go into finding my birth family with rose tinted glasses only to be disheartned,i did have a lovely response from my birth aunties and we have been emailing each other for over a year now.it was my brothers who i feel dont put as much effort into forming a relationship as i do.i do not wish to find my birth parents and i know from my brothers that the feeling is mutual.it would of been nice if my birth parents wanted to know me like you want to know your child that you didnt want to give away,i wish you luck with your search and it is nice to see the opinions of birth parents best wishes angie x

being adopted myself i am trying to trace my family tree so that i can get some answeres of who i am and a sense of belonging i was brought up by the best adoptive parents i could wish for and to me they are my mom and dad nothing would ever change that but the feelings i have of emptyness is sometimes very hard to deal with i can not start my family tree untill i know my natural nans maiden name,my dad is micheal garratt from wednesbury my nan and grandad were jack and martha garratt can any one help please,Lynda

Thankyou for your response Angela. I understand your point of veiw, Has i say, everyone is entitled to their opinition. Maybe one day your mother will reconcider?. Thank you for your support. I have added my Daughter to my family tree because she is a person who came from me. All the best for your future. Vanessa Tallon

Hello Lynla. I am desperatly trying to find what you want to know but dates and places will help. My heart goes out to you because i understand your feelings. May i surgest you PM me and we can talk more?. Regards Vanessa

thank you vanessa for understanding i to am doing my adopted tree and my birth tree they are both a big part of me and i felt the need to do both best wishes angie x

Hi Vanessa, Thank you for putting up this thread. I have got to know my bm over the last 3 years and have developed some understanding of what she went through over the last 40 years. My birth father was also affected by my adoption, and both of their families were massively affected by my re-emergence in their lives. I do feel for you, and I hope that someday you will be reunited with your daughter. Have you registered with the Adoption Contact Register? Liz

Hello liz. I have`nt but i will now. Thank you for the support and advise. Regards Vanessa

I am going to push this up incase any birth mother`s wish to add their veiws. Please add to this link, Change your name,anything, your point of veiw is valuble. Regards Vanessa

nudge. Any adoption mothers plese feel free to pass comment. Iam avalible for PM messages I understand, i have been There. No message passed until passed by me. All the best Vanessa

Hi Vanessa Thank you for putting your side to the story accross. I know everyones stories are differentm but as an adopted person it made a nice change to read a message from a birth mother. I wish you every luck in finding your child Rebecca :)

Hi Vanessa I would just like to say thanks for the thread,the different viewpoint is one not seen very often. I would also echo hat Jess said earlier,my 'story' is of my b/m having an affair,and the result being my adoption.My birth mothers' husband obviously loved her dearly as they remained together for another 17 years after my birth,only parted by his death. I think it it fair to say i didn't have the ideal of a fairytale reunion with the surviving birth family,(my b/m died in 1990),and so it proved to be,but if i could have met her husband then i would have been very thankful to him,he gave me the chance,an oppurtunity,and one which i was able to take with a fantastic couple who i respect as well as love. If i do allow myself a rose tinted moment then it is the thoughts about him,from what i have been able to learn both he and my birth mother benefited from my adoption as well as myself,i suppose if you could pick an 'ideal' ending,then we came pretty close between us. Glen

Thank you Rebecca. I have looked at the veiws of the adoptee`s and felt that maybe, and i am only talking about myself, The veiws of some Mothers would help you all along the way, i am hoping that some, if not all, of you will find some sort of result at the end of your searches. I hope you do well in your search. Vanessa

Dear Vanessa, I was given the following information by our Post-Adoption Social Worker. She tolds us if we rang a Mrs Debbie Woods at Southport, in the ONS, that she would be able to tell us if a person was still registered with a GP in England and Wales. She would need us to supply the name and a date of birth and Mrs Woods would be able to confirm if the person is still registered with the NHS. She can indicate when a person ceased to be regsitered and I was even given which register office that the death of a lady I was following up was registered in, which told me where she had been probably living nearby. She will not be able to issue individual's private addresses. I don't think this information is commonly known. Mrs Woods telephone number is 0151 471 4236. All you need to give is the birth name and date of birth, you don't have to tell her why. It might be best not to unless she asks. Obviously, I really hope that she does not have information for you that you don't want to hear, but my sister is not registered with the NHS any more, she emigrated several years ago and is happily living abroad. If you are still wondering what has happened to her, this may help you find out what area she is in? You can even ask, if she is still registered which health authority area is she registered in? You don't know if she'll tell you if you don't ask! When I rang Mrs Woods, she asked me to write or email to request the information and supply my name and address. I think it took less than 24 hours or so to hear back from her. Good luck on your quest. Don't forget to ask people on GR for help as there are some fanstastic people out there that got me onto the right search for my mum's birth mother. All the best Claire

Hi Glen. Thank you for your response to my thread. I am glad you feel this way about your parents because that is who they are. I felt the need to let every adoptee know that no matter what, the people who cared for you and looked out for your well being are your parents. I would hope that my daughter had and still has the best of love and oppertunity to this day. I hope every person who has adopted a child understands that at some time this child will want to know where they came from. All i ask is that they respond with the support and understanding to get their child through. I hope that one day my daughter will find me and learn to understand why i had to do what i did. That is the root of it all.(WHY?). All the best Glen Vanessa

Thank you Claire for that info. I will follow it up. But do`nt they change the childs name after adoption? I will ask in her name that i gave her. You never know. I will let you know what happens. Thankyou again. Vanessa

Vanessa thank you for posting your thread. being an adoptee myself i hope to one day be able to find my natural mum and if i do i hope she is welcoming and willing for me to be in her life. i hope your daughter gets in touch with you soon. Sandraxx

When I spoke to Debbie she did ask for as much info on names as I could give her, but try with the birth name you have and the date of birth and see what she says. The Adoption Contact Register is a good suggestion, as she may already have indicated a willingness to communicate on the register. You need to pay a small fee to go on the register. You can probably find details on the internet, if you can't come back to me as I was given a form by our Post-Adoption Social Worker and it will have contact details on it. Good luck! Claire