Genealogy Chat

Experiencing trauma can lead to ongoing problems in the future. I would recommend, If your trauma of being not able to make contact is upsetting to you I would suggest going to the following site to determine if you are experiencing PTSD

http://www.adaa.org/screening-posttraumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd

All's well that ends well then? You have contact with your relative, everyone now knows that emails, internet connections generally, and the 'contact system' of web sites in particular can be fallible.

The good thing is that 10/15 years ago there would have been virtually no chance of finding stray cousins unless one knew their name and address to start with
( or could spend much more money going to records offices than one will ever spend on a web site subscription) ....now we can use technology ( and most of the people here have learnt how quite late in life) to do so.

Celebrate the positives :-D Hoorah for genealogy sites ! :-D :-D

Ignoring everyone except RR: he's not a member here but he is of Geni. Also I have a bank card, so can obtain some paid-for time on Ancestry. My point was that Ancestry's system makes it possible to be left cut off, not that I had been.
But when it first happened I faced the trauma that I might have been cut off, until had searched out whether he was contactable in any ways.

Someone without a bank card, and whose cousin does not turn up on any other, sites would be left cut off - and those are matters of luck.

Why am I thinking of Andy Warhol?

I was reading through the posts following mine of last night and agreed with Sylvia's suggestion that Maurice was not using his own ancestry login.

then I got to Maurice's one of 21.56. Shame he didn't understand my post of 21.02. As I gave an either/or comment. Maurice says he didn't edit - but I still think there was a bit of tinkering.

Maurice seems to be suggesting that we are ganging up on him, not me, I was trying to confirm the point being made as he seemed not to understand them.

DON'T accuse me of being mean spirited. I did not fully understand the original post and no one else influenced me as I read the first post on the General Board before it was reposted here and thence before most people commented.

As a matter of interest Maurice have you checked to see whether said cousin is a member here?

EDIT So the above question is irrelevant because you HAVE made contact with your cousin..

Maurice,

Earlier this evening I politely asked for a simple answer. Instead of providing that (which would have led to a second polite & straightforward question to you, you write the ramblings above.

As soon as this note is sent I am clicking the 'stop watching' button. So do not bother to reply, nor to RR me.

I give up



don't ever expect any help from me in future. Maurice




I have never before been accused of things that you are accusing us of doing or being ..........................




and be darn glad that I haven't reported you for insulting myself, and others.


You know what is right .................. carry on.





As a professional editor, I COULD have edited your OP to make it very clear what you were saying .................................


I just cannot be bothered any longer.


Just try to accept that it was nothing to do with the length of your post ............. I've read, and posted myself, much longer posts.

It was the clarity of it that made it so difficult for us to read to the end.

* The accusation of editing confirms that folks can't explain their way out the hole they have dug themselves into.

* In a world where crowd psychology exists, and where frequently the folks who agree with a thing understand it perfectly easily while folks with harsher spirited or cynical life attitudes which are getting challenged will claim not to understand exactly the same thing, it's important to be aware of those processes so that the less generous side of society does not make you blame yourself. I described already the way that folks who talk of not understanding can be tested for its justifiability, and all such voices have failed that test.

I do object to some of the things that Maurice has called us ........

........... without until now accepting that there could have been something wrong with the way in which he had originally written the OP


If one person has difficulty understanding something, blame that person


If 2 or more persons have difficulty understanding .................. look again, and then possibly blame yourself.




It is perhaps a sign of how members on here do try to help others that so many of us have ignored such name calling, and accusations of using "psychological devices"





and, if you do edit a post, please, please add a little extra below to say something like .....................

"edited for clarity, 28 Nov 2014"




that is something I have long done ............

............... and I personally think that everyone should do it, until GR finally gets around to automatically adding "edited" to any post changed more than, say, 5 or 10 minutes after posting, as so many other sites do.

GR has said it is a good idea, and will be considered when an upgrade is done :-S

I think you are quite correct ..................

Maurice has re-written at least part of the OP, but without adding "edited" to it.


Some people may now wonder why some of us were having problems with understanding. :-(



Personally, I think that the problem is actually not Ancestry's!!


I think that what may have happened is that the "friend' who was helping his cousin had signed onto the cousin's tree using her own computer and sign-in,

That is what happens when you give someone permission to access your tree and edit it.


Maurice then, in all innocence, sent his invitation to that address.


I once tried to help my now-dead sister-in-law with something on ancestry, but I signed in from my computer with her password etc .............

........... she was visiting here from her home almost 1,000km away

I sent a message for her to someone, and got the reply back to my computer.


That was well and good because sis-i-l was still here .................. but it did not go to her computer, so she would not have known about it had she not been physically here.

Either I've got my brain in gear or the OP has been rewritten. If it is the latter than Maurice has accepted that the OP was a bit difficult to follow but has still accused us of being insulting.

Whichever it is, I dispute that I was using 'psychological devices'. I was either being thick or the OP was not originally well written. Also, why would I complain about something of which I have no Knowledge. I do not have a tree on Ancestry, but I have been invited to view private trees successfully and I have made contact with tree owners both for myself and on other peoples behalf.

I would not be able to rewrite the original post as I didn't fully comprehend it - so surely it would have been wrong to try. I have not run away from listening - it seems Maurice is the one refusing to do any listening.

Maurice,

I have been using Ancestry for about the same number of years that I have been on this site. In that time I do not recall ever having a problem with contacting other Ancestry members. Nor with either granting access to my Private trees or accepting access to - and viewing – trees of other members.

But that does not mean to imply that there cannot ever be a hiccup in the Ancestry software, as has happened to you.

I used to be in the Engineering Industry, and one of the prime rules was to “break a problem down into the smallest pieces”. So can we please try that?

INITIAL CONTACT
If I want to contact another Ancestry member I click their ‘owner’ name and get the choice of

'View Profile', 'Contact' or 'Block user'.
Clicking Contact brings up the message box screen wherein I can/should/always do! enter a Subject and then type my message.

When I click ‘send’ two events occur:-
1. The other member receives an email from Ancestry.
2. When they next log on to Ancestry that other member sees a small ‘sealed’ envelope at the top of his/her screen indicating, that there is an unopened message. There is also a small number above the envelope – which would be 1 if there were no other unopened messages in his/her inbox.

Did you send the message to initiate contact? Or is that what someone else did on your behalf?

DET "Can anyone suggest a free site that Maurice can use? He could then download a gedcom from Ancestry, upload it to the other site then give the cousin access. "

Tribal Pages, give the password and email address to cousin.

It seems to me that the original contact message must have been sent either to or from the 'cousin's' friend's account. How can a random stranger receive or accept the invite otherwise?
If that wasn't the case, there was a serious security breach in Ancestry's system.

Can anyone suggest a free site that Maurice can use? He could then download a gedcom from Ancestry, upload it to the other site then give the cousin access.

Alternatively get yourself a new email address such as @gmail or @hotmail and create a new free account on GR.
Upload the aforesaid gedcom then give the cousin the sign in details.

Check with the Library/staff if you able to save downloads to a memory stick. If it is possible, you could save your downloaded gedcom to that then post it to the cousin. You could add separately any photos or documents you choose.

The cousin can then upload it to her on PC to read with an offline programme, or to any other site they use. Ancestry allows a member to have multiple trees on the one subscription.
Come to think of it, Maurice might be able to duplicate his ancestry tree using the gedcom method, or may be just the relevant section of it and reinvite the cousin via their email address or own user name.

I have, obviously. But you don't only take it up with them, you warn everyone about it.

* "Even if that is by asking for an Ancestry member to look for the tree where the 'initial link' ( the mutual ancestor?) between cousins was found and ask them to message the owner...." - obviously that is something you can only try, not something certain to be available.

* "it is difficult to read." - in what way. Show us how it can be easier to read without l;eaving out key facts resulting in inaccuracy. Until someone actually shows us this by writing their own version, I shall continue to hold that all insults to the writing are psychological devices for the critic to avoid feeling committed to do anything about the issue.

This is a type of human nature that often happens to social justice causes, it's one of the devices that folks use, to put up walls against them. Sometimes it's subconscious. The answer to it is to challenge the folks doing it to point out exactly which words are unclear and/or to write their own version so we can see what their idea of understandable is. Nobody who uses the "don't understand" trick will ever do this. They always run a mile from it, and by that they prove that it's they who are running away from listening and the attacks on the message are spurious.

If you have a problem with Ancestry...........why don't you take up the matter with them?

Quote the Human Rights Convention at them........and see what response you get

Maybe it's me? I admit the tablets I'mon are making my brain less than useless , but
surely there is a way of making contact? in the same way contact was made in the first place? Even if that is by asking for an Ancestry member to look for the tree where the 'initial link' ( the mutual ancestor?) between cousins was found and ask them to message the owner....

Maybe I have just lost the plot.

Maurice .................

it was not a matter of not being willing to read any post of length .............. heaven forbid that I do that!


I could not understand what you were getting at, and too tired to continue.


Of course, if you are sharing a computer, or using a public one, then yes there could be problems.


But I believe that there is not a problem IF you sign in using your own email address, and then sign out at the end of your session.


I also think I understand why your message to your cousin went to her friend ...................... the friend helping her had signed in on your cousin's Ancestry account, but had input her own email address.

Hence that is a problem more between 2 people than with Ancestry.

Maurice

I too read your post on both boards and found it very hard work - but I did understand parts of it.

I understood that you were probably using a computer that was not your own - after that I got a bit lost.

However, I do believe that if one can work out what you are trying to say then your post was worthwhile. It is just a shame that it is difficult to read.